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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24910696">On The Ground</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenguinofProse/pseuds/PenguinofProse'>PenguinofProse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Peace and happiness, Post-Episode: s05e13 Damocles Part 2, Reconciliation, Roommates, eventually</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:49:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>74,589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24910696</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenguinofProse/pseuds/PenguinofProse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Earth is survivable again ten years after the destruction of Shallow Valley. Rebuilding society is a challenge, and Clarke and Bellamy will have to learn how to work together again. With guest appearances from Marper and the rest of Spacekru, as well as Madi.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The 100 Fix-Its and Rewrites</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello and welcome to "On The Ground". This diverges from canon ten years after the destruction of Shallow Valley - the Earth is safe again and our faves are going down to the ground. There will be angst, there will be fluff, there will be unforeseen hazards, and there will be Bellarke as roommates... eventually!</p><p>If you were hoping that my next longfic would be "Thicker Than Water", never fear - I plan to write that after this! Thanks so much to everyone who supported "Together" and made me super motivated to get straight on with writing this.</p><p>Huge thanks to Stormkpr for betaing this. Happy reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy wakes up to the sight of Clarke's face.</p><p>Of course he does. Foolish of him to think that sixteen years, a betrayal and a girlfriend would be enough to shake her off.</p><p>"Hey." He's still lying in his cryopod as he greets her and has a go at giving her a tentative smile. They were on speaking terms when they went to sleep – just about – so it seems worth a try.</p><p>"Sleep well?" She asks, with the slightest hint of a warm curve to her lips.</p><p>"Yeah." He wiggles his neck experimentally, then makes a start on sitting up. "You?"</p><p>She nods, steps back to give him space to stand. And so here he is, standing at Clarke's side as he always used to stand, wondering if maybe, things might go back to normal, now.</p><p>Not a chance.</p><p>That's when things start to unravel. That's when the distance between them stretches out once more.</p><p>That's when it all goes wrong, for perhaps the thousandth time.</p><p>Monty walks in the room. Just Monty. Monty Green, the ultimate pacifist. And Bellamy's pretty sure he doesn't mean to bring conflict in his wake, because that's not his style. But just by <em>existing</em>, it's like his most inoffensive friend is reminding him of everything that has gone wrong since he left Clarke to burn. Monty's a decade older, for starters, his age clearly visible in the lines around his mouth. That wouldn't have happened, were it not for Clarke, Bellamy thinks. Were it not for her stand-off with McCreary and the destruction of Earth, there would have been no need for the ten-year nap, nor for Monty and Harper to stay awake. Were it not for Clarke, he wouldn't be sitting here in someone else's pyjamas on a ship full of strangers.</p><p>And were it not for Bellamy, Clarke would never have found herself in that situation at all.</p><p>Were it not for him – and his decision to put her daughter in danger – she would have had no reason to flee, leaving him to face his fate. He knows what it's like, to drop everything and run to protect one person. He knows because that's exactly what he did when he followed his sister to the ground.</p><p>His sister, who is now a monster he no longer recognises.</p><p>He shakes that thought off. There is no sense in dwelling on it – he needs to use his head and get on with working out what happens next. That's what he does, now, since the day he left Clarke.</p><p>"Monty. Hey. How's it looking?" He asks, all forced brightness.</p><p>"Earth? It's getting there. Safe but barren." Monty explains.</p><p>"Barren?" Clarke jumps in, because of course she does. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"I mean there's a lot of desert. There's the odd patch of green, but no real forests."</p><p>Bellamy frowns. "Then why are we awake?"</p><p>"Algae." Monty says with substantial enthusiasm, as only Monty can. "It's safe to live down there now. I figure we can eat algae and use it to fertilise the wasteland. Just a small group of us at first, then we wake everyone up when we've got more farmland in a couple of years."</p><p>"A small group?" Clarke asks, twisting her mouth in a way that Bellamy cannot make sense of. He figures he might have understood her expression, sixteen years ago, but now he hasn't the faintest clue why she looks like she's eating a pine cone.</p><p>"We woke you guys up first. It felt right, you know? Let's go sit down with Harper and decide who else to wake up."</p><p>Monty's an intelligent guy. Bellamy is sure of it. But he is way off the mark with his assessment that waking up him and Clarke first <em>felt</em> <em>right</em>, he decides.</p><p>In fact, as she falls in step behind Monty without meeting his eye, Bellamy is pretty sure nothing could feel more wrong.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke wishes Bellamy would stop giving her those funny looks.</p><p>She <em>knows</em> she broke something between them. She knows he despises her, knows that he must be suspicious of her right now. He doesn't need to rub it in by staring at her as if he thinks she has a rifle hidden up her shirt.</p><p>She gets it. She's a danger to him – she proved that in Polis. She's a danger to <em>everyone</em>, she's pretty sure. She managed to get her father killed, and Wells, and Finn and Lexa and so many others. Bellamy should be grateful he survived her loving him, she thinks sourly. He should be grateful that he got out of there on that rocket while he had the chance. She's trouble, and maybe it's for the best that they both know that, now.</p><p>But he really doesn't need to keep staring at her like that.</p><p>She ignores him, as she takes a seat at Harper's side and asks after her health. And then a precocious eight-year-old appears on the scene and introduces himself as Jordan, and that's a welcome distraction. Talking to her friends about their joy in parenthood is far more productive, she thinks, than fretting about the facial expressions of a man she used to love.</p><p>"We need to decide who to wake up." Bellamy interrupts their cheerful conversation about the child.</p><p>"That can wait a minute." Clarke chastises him instinctively.</p><p>She forgot, for a moment there, that they're not allowed to bicker any more.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He says, not sounding sorry at all. "Just trying to get things done around here. I hear I'm supposed to think through my plans."</p><p>Well, now. That was a low blow.</p><p>She doesn't cry, because she's already shed too many tears over this man. She spent six years crying for him, and she refuses to be so pathetic any longer. She simply ignores him, and shows Jordan a resolute smile.</p><p>"We don't have to rush." Harper hops in to smooth over the tension. "But if you want to start talking about it, we can."</p><p>"We'll need Raven and Emori." Bellamy states, right away.</p><p>"And Jackson." Clarke contributes. That seems a better idea than suggesting her mother, just now.</p><p>"And Echo." Bellamy adds. Of course he does. That's how love works. Love is wanting a person by your side, even if they are not actually going to bring anything useful to the situation.</p><p>No, that's petty. Echo's a great spy and a competent strategist. Bellamy is right to suggest that they need to wake her up.</p><p>"Murphy as well? And Miller?" Monty asks, to her surprise. She was certain that Miller was unpopular with Bellamy, these days.</p><p>Apparently some people are easier to forgive than others, she notes, as Bellamy nods and makes another suggestion. "And I'm guessing Clarke will want Madi awake."</p><p>There is a taut silence. Clarke does not want Madi awake, as it happens, but it seems like Bellamy is still capable of interfering in her business, even if he is no longer capable of smiling at her for longer than twelve seconds at a stretch.</p><p>"I'd rather she stayed asleep. I think she'll be safer." Clarke says mildly. There is no sense in pointing out, just now, that she'd be a hell of a lot safer if Bellamy hadn't put a chunk of code in her brain.</p><p>"Of course." Monty jumps to his feet, all forced perkiness. "Let's go wake them up now, then."</p><p>"<em>Now</em>?" She rather thought she might get at least an hour or two to collect her thoughts before the next event of her eventful life unfolds.</p><p>"Now." Bellamy decides, standing too.</p><p>Well, then. It looks like she's not in charge round here any more.</p><p>Bellamy and Monty get on their way, striding through the door as if they cannot leave fast enough. That's a shame, Clarke decides. She's never going to learn how to communicate more peacefully with Bellamy again if he won't even stay in the same room as her. And she feels like she's barely seen Monty since Praimfaya, and she'd have quite liked at least ten minutes to catch up on the last ten years.</p><p>She ought to be used to feeling like she's not in control of her own life, by now. She ought to be used to watching things unfold around her, whether she likes it or not.</p><p>"Clarke?" Harper's soft voice interrupts her thoughts.</p><p>"Harper. Yes. Hey." She stutters, less than coherent. The last couple of minutes, coming hot on the heels of the last sixteen years, have her scrabbling for her wits.</p><p>"I wanted to tell you a bit more about Jordan, if that's OK?"</p><p>"Go ahead." She pastes on a smile. Jordan is a sweet child, and is her friends' son, and she'd love to hear more about him.</p><p>"Great. It's just – we wanted to ask you as soon as possible. We were hoping that you'd agree to take care of him if anything happened to us. You and Bellamy, between you, like the godparents some people had on the Ark. Not because we're planning to have an accident, of course, but – we thought it was best to make plans, after all the bad luck we had last time we were on the ground. We've made a little video diary, like a will, in case anything does go wrong."</p><p>Clarke gapes, shocked. Shocked at Harper's words, shocked at her bad timing. Shocked beyond belief that anyone in their right mind would think her an appropriate godmother, after everything she's done.</p><p>"Nothing is happening to you." She growls – recycled words, repurposed from another era.</p><p>"No, hopefully not." Harper gives a nervous giggle. "Just in case. And maybe it would do him good to have godparents anyway, you know? My godmother taught me how to sew."</p><p>Clarke forces herself to nod. "Yeah. Yeah, of course. I can teach him first aid." It seems a better idea than teaching him mass murder.</p><p>"So that's a yes?"</p><p>"Yeah. Of course. I'd be honoured." Horrified, honoured – what's the difference, really?</p><p>"Great. Thanks. We just knew it had to be you and Bellamy – who else could we trust with our little boy?"</p><p>Clarke thinks that she wouldn't trust the two of them to take care of a spare right boot together, just now, let alone a living, breathing child.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy thinks too hard, as he walks to the cryochamber at Monty's side and fails to engage his friend in cheerful reunion conversation. Thinking too hard is a bad habit he seems to have picked up since he left Clarke for dead – he's pretty sure it's not what she had in mind, when she told him to use his head.</p><p>In his defence, he figures there's a lot to think about right now. He's almost ashamed to remember how easily he smiled at Clarke when his cryopod opened, just as he is almost ashamed to remember smiling at her and inviting her to the bridge before they took their long nap. He's not supposed to be in a good mood with her, he's pretty sure. She betrayed him and left him for dead.</p><p>Although, to be fair, he's done both those things to her, before now.</p><p>Anyway, the point is, she can't be trusted. And if she can't be trusted, and he's now in love with Echo instead of her, then he doesn't really have any reason to smile at her at all, does he?</p><p>Somehow, though, <em>not</em> smiling at Clarke seems to take a surprising amount of effort.</p><p>They are half-way to their destination when Monty asks a most unexpected question.</p><p>"So you'll be godfather, right?"</p><p>"I'll what?" He's still fretting about Clarke, so he doesn't immediately understand what his friend is talking about.</p><p>"You'll be Jordan's godfather. Keep an eye on him, take care of him if we fall into a spiked pit. That kind of thing."</p><p>Bellamy picks his jaw up off the floor and nods. It's not so surprising, now he gives it his full attention. He was close friends with both Harper and Monty on the Ring. See? He's not so bad at thinking things through when he has to. "Yeah, sure. I'd be honoured. Thanks."</p><p>"Thanks." Monty grins. "We knew it had to be you and Clarke."</p><p>"Me and Clarke?" His voice breaks a little on her name, but he does a decent job of hiding it with a cough, he thinks.</p><p>"You and Clarke. The dream team." Monty says, with that slightly dopey smile of his.</p><p>Bellamy's staged cough turns into a very real choking noise.</p><p>"I don't think that's quite right." He offers, when he can speak again. "We're not in a good place."</p><p>"You will be." Monty states it as if it is a fact, still casually swinging his arms as he keeps walking. It's like he thinks his words are trivial, Bellamy muses – like he thinks that reconciliation between them is so certain as to not even be worth discussing.</p><p>Bellamy doesn't respond to that. Monty is not an argumentative type, but he knows from long experience that he is determined, and that there is never any sense in attempting to change his mind on something.</p><p>Instead, he asks a different question.</p><p>"Why doesn't she want to wake up Abby? I – I understand about Madi. Of course – that's on me." He should never have mentioned it, in fact. But some stupid, impulsive part of him thought that inviting her to wake the daughter she loves so much might make her smile. "But surely she wants her mother?"</p><p>Monty shrugs. "I don't know. Have you considered asking her?"</p><p>"You know I can't do that."</p><p>"I know you <em>can</em> do that, Bellamy. You can. The way I see it, there are two people in the universe Clarke cares about more than the human race. Madi, and you. So ask her the difficult questions. Have the uncomfortable conversations. Isn't she worth it? Isn't that woman you once walked through an <em>army</em> for worth that, at least?"</p><p>Bellamy snorts. "She's not that woman any more."</p><p>"How do you know?"</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"How do you know she's not that woman? Have you even given her a chance? Have you talked at all about what happened in Polis, or anything that happened while we were on the Ring?" Monty appears more angry than Bellamy has seen him in quite some time, and it brings him up short. If Monty – whose moral compass he trusts – is telling him that he ought to give Clarke a fair hearing, maybe it is the truth.</p><p>"She called me on the radio." He doesn't mention how often she did that, because he's not quite ready to mention that to anyone, yet. He's not entirely ready to admit it to <em>himself</em>. And he's certainly not ready to own to the visceral reaction he had on first learning the news, as the world ended yet again. He can still remember, now, how he felt nausea rising in his throat as Madi told him – in fact, he thinks maybe he hasn't stopped feeling sick quite yet, even a decade later.</p><p>It turns out that learning the woman he used to love called him every day even while he was hooking up with her former enemy was a recipe for a substantial stomach ache.</p><p>"She did?" Monty asks, calling his attention back to the present.</p><p>"Madi told me. That's what made me – that's why I invited her to the bridge that time. And then I wondered whether that had been the right thing to do." He remembers, vividly, wondering whether the invitation stemmed from sentiment, or from guilt at his poor repayment of her loyalty all those years, or actually wanting her there.</p><p>Monty snorts. "It was the right thing to do. You're angry with her, I get it. And I get that she's angry with you. But don't confuse anger for hatred."</p><p>Bellamy's not worried about that. He's more worried about confusing nostalgia for love, and remembering not to smile.</p><p>He wakes up Echo, first. That seems like a logical course of action when he's fretting about falling back in love with the memory of a woman who no longer exists. Then he wakes up Murphy, who high-fives him from his cryopod, as Monty wakes up Raven and Emori.</p><p>"Well?" Raven is asking questions almost before her pod is open. "Are we good? Earth back up and running?"</p><p>"Almost." Monty nods. "We're going to go get set up. The dream team."</p><p>If Monty uses that phrase one more time, Bellamy might just end up punching his most unobjectionable friend in the face.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke makes herself scarce and useful as much as she possibly can, when the others who have been woken up arrive back to the bridge. She hides in a corner, finds herself a computer, and calculates how much water the group of them will need to stay alive.</p><p>It's not the first time she has sat in a corner and made water calculations, and that thought alone is enough to bring a tear to her eye. She remembers the day she was left behind, the day that more or less this same group of people left her for dead. And she remembers most of all saying goodbye to Bellamy while they stood around and planned out the water rations. He didn't realise it was goodbye at the time, of course, but she did.</p><p>She shakes that thought off, and continues trying to blend into the background. She suspects she's not really made for it – she keeps getting distracted from her mission to remain invisible by interesting opportunities to offer her opinion to the wider discussion.</p><p>Just now, for example, Raven is arguing that they ought to wake up Shaw.</p><p>"He's a pilot. We need him." She states, all fire.</p><p>"He's Eligius. We need him like we need a sword in the stomach." Echo says, dismissive.</p><p>"Raven has a point." Monty contributes, nodding carefully.</p><p>Murphy is having none of it. "She just wants her boyfriend. We don't need him at all. We have Raven and Emori and Monty. We don't need another mouth to feed."</p><p>"We've got enough water." Clarke pipes up, because apparently she is physically incapable of staying out of the decision-making process.</p><p>"No one asked." Raven snaps.</p><p>"Raven." Bellamy shoots her a quelling look. "That's relevant. We have enough water. Monty, could we feed one more?"</p><p>"We could feed another half dozen if we wanted to. If we wanted to wake Abby or Madi." He mentions, looking Clarke right in the eye.</p><p>She shakes her head. "That's not the point. We could wake Shaw, if Raven thinks it's best."</p><p>Bellamy nods. "Great. It's possible. Shall we vote on it?"</p><p>Raven agrees, sullen but no longer fizzing with annoyance.</p><p>"Great. All those in favour of waking Shaw?" Everyone in the room but Echo and Miller raises their hand. That's hardly surprising, given Echo spoke out against it and Miller must barely know who Shaw is. Even Clarke joins in, after some consideration. She would like Raven to hate her less, and this seems like a good start on that front.</p><p>Raven doesn't thank her, of course. "I'll go get him." She says, and leaves the room without another word.</p><p>Clarke goes back to staring at her screen. Even with one more addition to their party, they have more than enough water in the system. She's about done here, she decides, but she doesn't know where else she could usefully hide next.</p><p>She's about to go check the medical inventory when Bellamy appears at her shoulder.</p><p>She supposes she ought to speak to him. He's right there, a slightly expectant look in his eyes. But she cannot for the life of her think of what to say. She spent six years practising speaking to this man, but now she's all out of words.</p><p>He solves that problem for her, in the end, and gets the conversation rolling. "Hey. What are you up to?" His tone isn't warm, exactly, but at least he doesn't sound angry.</p><p>"I've done with the water projections. I was just going to go to the medical -"</p><p>"Woah, Clarke. You don't need to do everything yourself. You're not on your own any more."</p><p>She snorts, because she's pretty sure that's completely untrue. She is absolutely and totally alone, and she knows it, for all that she's in a ship full of people. But that's OK, she figures – she has a lot of practice at being alone.</p><p>Rather than acknowledging Bellamy's surprisingly kind lie, she moves onto a new topic.</p><p>"Where are we landing? Are we taking the whole ship or just the smaller transport ship? Has Monty got a plan?"</p><p>"He didn't tell you?" Bellamy sounds surprised, which Clarke thinks is sweetly naive. No one has told her anything useful – except that she has a godson now – since she woke up.</p><p>"No." She shrugs, as if being left out of plans is no big deal to her.</p><p>It is a big deal, to be clear. It's <em>enormous</em>. Making plans is literally her only useful skill. It's what she does – it's her role and her <em>identity</em>. And if what she did in Polis, that one scared move to protect Madi, is going to rip that role away from her, she doesn't know what she'll do.</p><p>Bellamy, of course, is oblivious, that polite frown still fixed to his face.</p><p>"We're landing near Polis. There's some patches of green round there and Monty thinks we might be able to salvage some things from the ruins of the bunker. We're taking the whole ship down, so we don't have to leave anyone alone up here."</p><p>That's almost a shame, Clarke thinks. She mightn't have minded staying up here. Alone but for three hundred ghosts – that sounds like her kind of company.</p><p>"Great." She nods, tries for a little smile. That's what she would do, she thinks, if she were really looking forward to going back to the ground, if she were really OK with being left out of the plan.</p><p>To her utter shock, Bellamy almost smiles in return. At the very least, he stops frowning, and she decides that probably counts as a minor miracle.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's great to know that people are excited for this new story - thanks so much to those of you who left encouraging comments on the first chapter. I think I've already mentioned this once or twice, but Stormkpr is truly excellent and deserves the beta-reader-of-the-year-award. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke's head is spinning.</p><p>She doesn't like that – never has, never will. She likes to feel in control of the situation, likes to know she can take the reins. But she hasn't felt like that since the Eligius ship and her old friends arrived in Shallow Valley.</p><p>She's still working out which of the two is more to blame for her scattered wits, actually.</p><p>Anyway, that's not the point, today. She should be trying to keep up with the events that are unfolding around her, as Raven orders everyone into their seats and prepares for the descent.</p><p>She understands why Raven is taking charge. Really, she does. They're on a ship, after all, and Raven is about to pilot it back to Earth. That's her area of expertise, so she is clearly the right person for the job. It's just that she seems to have taken charge of things beyond flying, as far as Clarke can tell. She is also giving instructions about ration packs, and about what time things are going to happen, and about who should sit themselves where.</p><p>Clarke doesn't care where she sits, of course. And she can't specifically remember a time when she's given anyone instructions on seating arrangements. But logistics of this type feel instinctively like they should be more her territory than Raven's, to her mind.</p><p>She ignores that thought and takes her assigned seat. She's next to Jackson, who has Miller on his other side. Naturally, he does. On a ship full of happy couples, that makes perfect sense.</p><p>Clarke is not exactly enjoying being the loneliest person currently awake.</p><p>Her earlier resolution that she's had a lot of practise at being alone seems to have given way. In this moment, it feels more like she's had enough loneliness to last a lifetime.</p><p>"You OK?" Jackson asks, evidently reading her distressed frown a little too well.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, fine. There's just a lot going on is all." She waves an airy hand. That's a mannerism she's pretty sure she's never had in her life, and it comes out looking forced. She can tell from the dubious expression on Jackson's face.</p><p>"We'll be OK. Raven and Emori are great pilots." Bellamy contributes, from his seat in the row in front of them.</p><p>She can't tell him that's not what she's distressed about, so she nods, and forces a smile, and he turns back to face forwards.</p><p>Raven and Emori really are great pilots, it turns out, and Shaw already knows the ship well. Between the three of them it is a faultless journey to the ground, and within minutes, the hulking great prison ship is settled on a patch of the desert plain just outside Polis.</p><p>"Welcome home." Clarke hears Miller murmur.</p><p>She snorts. She cannot help it. This sandy graveyard is no home of hers. Her home was destroyed when the various factions currently napping on this damn ship – and some of those who are wide awake – decided to fight over it. But everyone seems to have forgotten that Shallow Valley was ever home to anyone.</p><p>Polis is certainly not home to Clarke. Polis is the place where things have gone wrong more than any other, in her life. Polis is the city where Lexa died, the city where she found herself in conflict with Bellamy on more than one occasion, and where their relationship finally fell apart once and for all.</p><p>Polis is, in short, the very opposite of <em>home sweet home</em>.</p><p>But no one has asked her opinion on the matter, of course – and probably no one would care to take it into account even if they had – so she simply removes her seatbelt and stands when Raven tells them to. She makes sure that she is at the back of the group, as they walk towards the giant hangar bay doors. She wouldn't want to be accused of leading out of turn.</p><p>She's done a lot of difficult things, in her time, but trawling meekly behind this group of people she used to call friends has to be the most challenging of the lot.</p><p>Shaw walks towards the lever that operates the door, and Clarke cannot help the small smile that breaks out across her face. She might not like Polis, but she does like fresh air and sunshine, and within moments she will be able to experience both those things once more.</p><p>Then Bellamy says something that wipes that tentative smile clean off her face.</p><p>"Hey, wait up, Shaw. The air might be toxic." He says it with a grin, turning his neck to look back towards Clarke as he speaks. It is clearly supposed to be a joke, but frankly, she thinks it is the least funny attempt at humour she has ever witnessed.</p><p>He doesn't get to do that. He doesn't get to reference their shared history as if it still has any bearing on the future – or even the present. He doesn't get to make light of the way they butted heads back in the beginning, as if a little misplaced banter and misaligned priorities are all that is wrong between them now.</p><p>He doesn't get to pretend that they are still on joking terms.</p><p>She turns away. She knows her line – his line from so many years ago – but she's not going to give him the satisfaction of hearing it. She knows that's petty, and that it's a decision born more of impetuous emotion than any actual sense – but that seems to be how she operates, since she found herself alone on this cursed planet with a small child to care for.</p><p>She isn't the leader round here, not any more. But all the same, she gestures to Shaw to get on with his task.</p><p>She needs him to get the door open. She needs some air.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy should have realised that joke was a mistake, he frets, as he watches Clarke stride out into the arid wasteland before them. She doesn't look even vaguely amused by his little reference – only annoyed, and over half way to grief-stricken.</p><p>That makes sense, he supposes. He put her daughter in danger and betrayed her trust. He should have realised that a bad joke was not going to fix that.</p><p>It's just difficult, OK? He doesn't know how to fix it, because Monty's suggestion that he should outright ask Clarke the hard questions sounds like a recipe for agony. And he doesn't know whether he wants to fix it, even, after she left him behind to die.</p><p>He just knows he likes it when she's happy more than when she's storming off in a huff, hurt by his thoughtless words.</p><p>He brushes that problem aside, as Raven calls a meeting. He doesn't object to Raven calling a meeting, really. He used to lead with her on the Ring, more or less, but he doesn't much trust himself to take charge since his lapse of judgement saw Madi fighting a war and Clarke giving up on him altogether.</p><p>"Clarke, get back here." Raven snaps, in a tone he thinks is unnecessarily harsh.</p><p>"We should assign roles for the rest of the day." Monty says rather more mildly. "I'd like to go down to the old hydrofarm and see if there are any seeds or farming tools I can salvage."</p><p>"Shall we go with your dad?" Harper asks Jordan, who nods enthusiastically.</p><p>"Great. That's settled." Raven nods firmly. "Shaw and I will finish getting the life support systems ready to handle more people, then see if there's anything left in engineering in the bunker."</p><p>"We left some things in med bay. I'll go see if any of it's still good." Jackson suggests.</p><p>"I could help with that." Clarke volunteers.</p><p>Jackson is at least gentle in his rejection. "It's a one person job, thanks, Clarke. There won't be much to carry."</p><p>Clarke nods briskly in the heavy silence.</p><p>"Great. That leaves Bellamy, Echo, Emori and Miller to patrol." Raven concludes.</p><p>"Patrol? What are we patrolling for?" Echo asks, voice sharp. It's not the question that was on the tip of Bellamy's tongue, but it's a valid one all the same, he decides.</p><p>"Irradiated mutant animals? Miraculous survivors? Whatever's out there."</p><p>"That's not a four person job." Echo argues back firmly.</p><p>That's what gives Bellamy the idea. "It could be a three person job. I'll help Clarke." He volunteers.</p><p>"Help Clarke with what?" Raven asks, frowning.</p><p>"Getting the living quarters ready." Clarke pipes up, as if it is obvious. As if Raven actually had the common courtesy to allocate her role, and simply forgot all about it.</p><p>As if Raven wasn't going out of her way to be as unpleasant as possible.</p><p>"Exactly." Bellamy wades in, determined to help her out, wondering if doing so might almost make up for his ill-judged in joke just now. "We need to find everyone a room, distribute clothes and bedding. Do we even have enough dishes for everyone to eat from? Are all the toilets working?"</p><p>"Toilets?" Raven echoes, incredulous.</p><p>"Toilets." Clarke confirms with a solemn nod.</p><p>Raven agrees to their idea, but Bellamy is no longer listening. He's too busy remembering that he and Clarke make one hell of a team when they're on the same page – for a few precious seconds there, it was almost as if they could read each other's thoughts.</p><p>He used to be in love with her. He remembers that – has remembered it all along, in fact. But now, in the midst of a conversation about toilets, he finds himself rather abruptly remembering <em>why</em> he used to be in love with her.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke is in serious danger of remembering why she used to be in love with Bellamy, here.</p><p>It's ridiculous, and she's more than a little ashamed of herself. He put her daughter in danger. It ought to take more than a well-timed comment about toilets and an invitation to feel like a useful part of the group to make up for a betrayal like that.</p><p>All the same, she offers him a cheerful nod as they turn to walk back onto the ship side-by-side and set out towards the living quarters. She wanted some fresh air, not so long ago, she seems to remember. But in this moment that has been replaced rather abruptly by a new priority of getting away from Raven's firm instructions and Monty's pitying glances.</p><p>"Where shall we start?" Bellamy asks, as they find themselves in the residential hallway.</p><p>She cannot help but relax just a little at that. It's the first time anyone has actually asked her to make a decision all day, and it feels natural, somehow, for all that she's being invited to be decisive about something essentially trivial.</p><p>"Beds." She decides firmly. "Everyone needs somewhere to sleep tonight and clean sheets on their bed."</p><p>He nods. "Great. Beds and bedsheets." A pause. "Just one thing – where would a prison mining ship keep their bedsheets?"</p><p>She does laugh at that. It's not a recycled old joke – it doesn't feel like a clunky reference to a past that now feels painful to look back on. It's a new, tentative attempt at humour for a new, tentative attempt at co-operation.</p><p>Bellamy wasn't expecting her to laugh. She can tell from the shocked joy in his eyes, and from the bright smile that spreads across his face at her reaction. The bright smile that stays there a whole thirteen seconds, by her count.</p><p>That's definitely a record.</p><p>"I have no idea." She admits, when the moment is past. "Shall we try opening doors until we find them?"</p><p>"Opening doors at random on an unfamiliar ship. What could possibly go wrong?"</p><p>Her jaw is beginning to ache, now. She's not smiled this much in years. She shakes her head, shaking away the lighthearted frivolity of the conversation, and gets to work.</p><p>They have a lot of doors to open.</p><p>In the end, it turns out they are not fated to make the beds first. They find the kitchen long before they find any kind of linen closet, so they adapt their plan on the fly and check that everything will be ready for supper that night. It's hardly the most high-stakes mission Clarke has taken part in – there's not a lot of pressure, here, as she thinks on her feet about dishcloths – but in its own small-scale, domestic way, it at least feels like she has a purpose.</p><p>A purpose, and a friend.</p><p>"Clarke!" Bellamy's excited voice drifts down the hallway. "I found the cleaning supplies!"</p><p>She rolls her eyes at no one, fondly exasperated by Bellamy's attitude. She wonders if things will go back to normal again, now. Will it always be like this between them, from today? Is reconciliation really so simple as running about a spaceship making it feel like home?</p><p>Now that they can laugh together once more, might they be able to talk about everything that went wrong between them, last time they were on the ground?</p><p>No. She can't think about such big, frightening questions right now. She must compartmentalise, and concentrate on completing her task. With that decided, she heads out into the hallway to find out what Bellamy is so excited about.</p><p>"Cleaning supplies?" She prompts.</p><p>"Yeah. We can go do the toilets." He gives a wry grin. "I never thought I'd see the day when I got excited about cleaning toilets. Wish I could tell my younger janitor self about this."</p><p>"You're excited about this?" She asks, fishing for clues as to his state of mind with all the subtlety of a bullet to the brain.</p><p>He looks suddenly uncomfortable, eyes averted, jaw firm. "Excited might not be the right word. But it's good to be doing something... normal, you know?"</p><p>"Just cleaning toilets, not saving the human race." She supplies.</p><p>"Yeah." She hears rather than sees him swallow slowly. "Good to be doing something normal with you, as well."</p><p>He turns aside, and picks up a mop and bucket, and is out of there before Clarke can do so much as blink at his unexpected words.</p><p>She catches him up scarcely seconds later, but already, it seems, the mood has changed again. She's struggling to keep track of this, really – from his confrontational coldness back on the ship, to his smiling suggestions that he likes hanging out with her, it's all rather confusing.</p><p>She supposes that a little confusion is hardly surprising, given the circumstances. If ever anything were to be confusing, surely this would be it, as she learns how to speak once again to the person she has both loved and let down more than any other.</p><p>"We should split up and take a bathroom each. We'd get more done." He suggests, tone neutral.</p><p>No. She's not interested in splitting up. Not now, not when they are just remembering how to enjoy each other's company once more.</p><p>"We can't do that." She informs him smartly.</p><p>"Clarke -"</p><p>"We can't do that, because I don't know how to clean a bathroom."</p><p>For a moment, his face is frozen, and she prepares herself for some genuinely hurtful jibe about her incompetence, or selfishness, or all-round spoilt uselessness.</p><p>But that is not how it turns out, in the end.</p><p>"I should have known. Spoilt princesses don't learn how to clean toilets, huh?" His potentially sharp words are undercut by a broad grin.</p><p>That's one way of putting it, she decides. It's a kinder way of looking at things than suggesting that the Commander of Death has no need of a mop.</p><p>"You're going to have to teach me how it's done." She says, cocking an eyebrow, grabbing hold of a toilet brush and brandishing it like a spear.</p><p>She thinks that might have crossed a line. She thinks that, for the first time since she saw him kiss Echo in that desert, she might have accidentally engaged in the tiniest spot of flirting.</p><p>The best thing is, Bellamy doesn't seem to object in the slightest. He just chuckles a little, and does indeed give her a lesson in the finer points of toilet cleaning. And after that they move on to mopping the floors, and then they finally manage to locate the linen closet. Next up is vacuuming the small spot of carpet within the living area to within an inch of its life, then wiping down the bedside cabinets in every last bedroom.</p><p>It isn't until they start dusting obscure corners in search of nonexistent cobwebs that Clarke becomes suspicious.</p><p>If she didn't know better, she'd be tempted to think they were both dragging this out on purpose.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is annoyed with himself, later that evening. They've had a productive day, between the lot of them, and now they have finished supper and retired back to their own quarters for the night. Bellamy is sharing a room with Echo, of course, and she's currently frowning at him in a considering sort of way.</p><p>But he's not interested in asking her what's wrong, because he's too busy chastising himself for the afternoon he spent with Clarke.</p><p>He didn't need to go all in like that, he tells himself firmly. Yeah, sure, helping her out when Raven was excluding her – and making her feel part of the group instead – was the right thing to do. But he didn't need to <em>joke</em> with her, for goodness' sake. And he certainly didn't need to go about smiling, or laughing, or tiptoeing the line between friendship and flirtation, politeness and honesty.</p><p>More than anything else, he didn't need to hang out with her for the entire damn afternoon.</p><p>"We didn't find much while we were out scouting." Echo informs him, in the end, rather than asking after his distraction.</p><p>That's one of the reasons he's with Echo – she is remarkably emotionally low-maintenance. <em>Closed off</em>, he might call her, if he was trying to be cruel. But it has suited him well, these last sixteen years – she keeps him company, and keeps him distracted, and she never tries to engage him in difficult conversations about feelings.</p><p>He's pretty sure he doesn't have feelings, since he left Clarke behind. Everything she said to him, that last day, about using his head – he's really taken it to heart.</p><p>That is, he concludes, the biggest problem with his behaviour this afternoon. For a moment there, laughing with Clarke over toilet brushes, he was in serious danger of <em>feeling</em> something.</p><p>"You're not listening." Echo observes without heat.</p><p>"No. Sorry. Tell me more about your scouting?"</p><p>"There's nothing to tell. How was Clarke?"</p><p>"Fine." He shrugs, resolutely ignoring Echo's sharp gaze. For a moment – just half a heartbeat – he thinks that she might be about to break the habit of a lifetime. He seriously considers the idea that she might break down and ask him what's going on in his head.</p><p>But she doesn't. She nods. She turns out the lights, then climbs silently into the bed at his side.</p><p>Bellamy stares at the ceiling, and tells himself firmly that this relationship is still his best choice. He tells himself that Echo is loyal, and unthreatening – not like Clarke, who left him for dead. He tells himself that it's a moot point, anyway, because there's no guarantee that Clarke would actually be interested in him romantically even if he did still see her like that. And the thought of trying to kindle something with Clarke, and failing, is far more frightening than just going without.</p><p>Most of all, as he closes his eyes and prepares for his daily dose of nightmares, he reminds himself that being with Echo is better than being alone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to everyone who read and commented on the last chapter, and thanks to Stormkpr for betaing. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy is more than annoyed with himself, the following morning. He's surpassed furious and fallen into all-out self-loathing.</p><p>The problem is, there's a window in their room. And through that window, he can see the desert. The wasteland. The barren Earth where he left Clarke, and where she left him, and where their mistakes saw everything go wrong.</p><p>He can't believe he was <em>joking</em> with her yesterday.</p><p>He can't believe he can be worn down so easily – a pretty smile, an afternoon of good humour, and suddenly he is following along in her wake again? It's like ALIE said, all those years ago. It's pathetic the way he always crawls back to her, like some kicked puppy.</p><p>Has he no self-respect?</p><p>But even as he is resolving to stand firm in his anger at her, a little voice in the back of his mind is whispering about the radio calls, reminding him of the lengths she went to out of love for him, insisting that his cold fury is poor repayment for that, now. Insisting that there is nothing sensible at all about holding this grudge, and that maybe, this might not be what the Clarke he used to know meant by <em>using his head</em> instead of only his heart.</p><p>He hates this. He hates being so conflicted, and he would give anything to return to the simpler days when all he had to be angry with her about was a wristband and a spot of politics.</p><p>The last time he felt this mixed-up about Clarke, he ended up handcuffing her and preparing to hand her over to Pike.</p><p>He reaches a decision, just as Echo starts stirring next to him. He decides that he will be civil to Clarke, but only civil. He will give her an opportunity to show that she's repentant, just as he will try to show her in his turn that he regrets putting Madi in danger.</p><p>But he will not laugh, and he will not joke, and above all, he will remember not to <em>feel</em>.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke is optimistic as she makes her way to breakfast. This may be the same old planet, but it's a fresh start. She can feel it. Hope is in the air, and reconciliation. Yesterday afternoon spent laughing and joking and cleaning toilets with Bellamy showed her that.</p><p>She's aware that Bellamy joking with her does not solve all of her problems. It doesn't solve the fact that Raven is being beyond unpleasant, nor the fact that Echo attempted to strangle her a decade ago that feels like only days. It doesn't solve the fact that Murphy looks at her like she is a dead spider – mild disgust blended with a deep lack of concern – nor that Monty and Harper cannot decide whether to smile at her or pity her.</p><p>But it does make her feel a lot less lonely.</p><p>She's going to meet him half way, she resolves. She's going to meet him <em>more</em> than half way. She's still angry about what he did to Madi – rightfully so, she maintains. The flame is dangerous, and she knows that better than anyone. She knows how terrifying it is to have that thing in her head, and there is no way she would wish that on her own young daughter. But she figures that it is probably worth learning how to forgive him.</p><p>The two of them have always had a talent for forgiveness.</p><p>He showed her yesterday that things are better when they're on good terms, so she's determined to make it as easy as possible for them to reconcile. She's not about to roll over and forget what he did, nor love him as carelessly as she used to. But she would like to listen to his side of the story, just as soon as he is ready to share it. However much things may have changed between them, she cannot imagine a world where Bellamy would betray her that badly without thinking he had some pressing reason to do so.</p><p>As she strides purposefully into breakfast, she decides that she can at least greet him with a smile.</p><p>"Morning." She nods to the room at large. "Did everyone sleep well?"</p><p>Raven frowns at her, over half way to a sneer. Shaw does likewise, naturally. Echo doesn't frown at her, which is surprising progress – rather, she wears a carefully blank expression. Miller grins with a game attempt at his old good humour, and Clarke likes that. It's good to see him already remembering who he used to be before the bunker and Blodreina.</p><p>Jackson gives a cheery little wave and gestures to a chair. "Clarke. Have a seat."</p><p>She sits at his side, and keeps trying to smile. It's difficult, because it hasn't escaped her attention that Bellamy has yet to really acknowledge her presence at all. His eyes are averted, his jaw a firm line.</p><p>So much for sharing laughter, yesterday.</p><p>She tries not to let that get to her as she speaks with Jackson. "Where are the others?"</p><p>"Murphy and Emori aren't up yet. Apparently that's normal." He says, with a nod in Raven's general direction. "Monty's fetching breakfast, and it seems that's a job for the whole family."</p><p>She nods, her question answered, and wonders what on Earth she's supposed to say next. She's all out of neutral topics of conversation, and if Bellamy isn't going to help her out like he did yesterday, it seems she is destined to flounder.</p><p>Miller has a go at covering the awkward silence with some chatter about their tasks for the day, and Clarke finds herself remembering all over again what a loyal lieutenant he is. She missed him, during Praimfaya. He's one of those people she thinks she would have missed more, if she wasn't so damn busy calling Bellamy and fretting about her mother. The two of them were always her priority, always the top of her most-missed list.</p><p>"We'll assign tasks when everyone's here." Raven declares in a quelling tone.</p><p>"We could get started now." Bellamy offers mildly. "I'd like to volunteer to go on a longer scouting mission. Monty thinks some of the forest has started to recover about a day north of here. I'll take a tent and rations for a couple of days and go check it out."</p><p>"You shouldn't go do that alone. There could be anything out there – worms or things we don't even know about yet." Jackson recommends cautiously.</p><p>"I'll join you." Clarke volunteers, hoping she doesn't sound too desperately enthusiastic about the idea.</p><p>"I should have said <em>we</em>. I'm going with Echo." Bellamy doesn't even bother meeting her eyes as he speaks, and that hurts. It hurts most of all because she knows that things can be better than this between them, now, after yesterday.</p><p>She tries one last time. "I could come too. You might need a medic in case you come across any worms. And I know the terrain."</p><p>"If we come across any worms we'll avoid them. The two of us will be fine. We make a good team." He concludes firmly, somehow ignoring her comment about the terrain. Somehow ignoring that she spent so much time getting to know this land and its hazards, without him.</p><p>She gives up, then. She gives up, and stares at her fingernails, and tries not to cry.</p><p>She should be stronger than this. She survived six years down here without him. She shouldn't be on the verge of tears just because he's pointed out that someone else is the other half of his ideal team, these days.</p><p>But Bellamy Blake has always been her weakness.</p><p>The conversation around the table slumps. Raven and Shaw talk to each other, and no one else. Bellamy and Echo sit side by side in a frosty silence that doesn't look much like <em>a good team</em>, to Clarke's untrained eye, but she supposes she has no right to criticise them. Jackson looks distressed, eyes darting around the group as if he's wondering whether it is possible to perform first aid on a friendship.</p><p>Into the midst of this walk the happy family. Monty is grinning widely, holding a steaming pan which no doubt contains algae. Jordan is carrying a teetering stack of bowls while Harper follows close by his side, shadowing his movements as if to catch anything he should drop.</p><p>"Are we ready for Green's Green Goop?" Monty asks, with a level of cheeriness Clarke cannot help but feel is at least a little naive.</p><p>"It's your favourite, Auntie Echo!" Jordan contributes.</p><p>Clarke chokes a little on nothingness. She still hasn't got used to the idea that this new family has sprung up without her, those six years on the Ring. She can't quite process the idea that her godchild – Monty and Harper's son – thinks of a former Azgeda spy as his aunt. It didn't ought to trouble her. She's incorporated plenty of former enemies into her list of people she cares about – she and Bellamy were hardly friends at first, and she has respected Indra almost since the moment they became allies. For goodness' sake, she even <em>fell in love</em> with Lexa.</p><p>But this feels different. It feels different because she wasn't there, and she doesn't understand how Echo became the kind of person who might be called <em>aunt</em>.</p><p>Most of all it feels different because Echo has taken Bellamy away from her.</p><p>She knows, logically, that it isn't quite like that. He was never really hers to lose. But she's never been so good at calm rational thought where Bellamy is concerned.</p><p>A bowl of algae is placed in front of her, and she swallows it down obediently even as the others are still waiting for their food. Being obedient doesn't come naturally to her, but it's clearly something she will have to practise now Raven is in charge. Murphy and Emori stumble into the room while breakfast is being served, visibly rumpled from what might be sleep but she suspects was lovemaking.</p><p>At least someone is enjoying a happy reconciliation.</p><p>At last, everyone has their food and gets on with eating.</p><p>"Is it as bad as you expected, Clarke?" Harper interrupts her daydreams.</p><p>"Sorry?"</p><p>"The algae." She clarifies. Aha – the food, not the loneliness or the anger or the guilt.</p><p>"It's better than starving." Clarke offers timidly, wondering if she is allowed to joke.</p><p>She is, it seems. Monty smiles, Harper gives a careful laugh. Jordan grins at her, clutching his bowl to his chest.</p><p>"Can I come sit with you, Auntie Clarke?"</p><p>She blinks, shocked. She didn't see that one coming. "If you want to, Jordan. I'd like that."</p><p>He plops himself down at her side and starts slurping noisily at his food. She supposes she ought to talk to the boy – sure, they're both sitting in the middle of a crowded table, but she feels a certain sense of responsibility to entertain him seeing as he has chosen to sit next to her.</p><p>"How are you liking the ground so far, Jordan?" That seems as safe a place as any to start, she decides.</p><p>"It's OK." He slurps up a spoonful of algae. "It'll be better when Madi's awake. Then I'll have a cousin to play with. Cousins sound cool. No one had them on the Ark." He points out, nodding wisely.</p><p>Clarke swallows slowly. "I think she'll like playing with you. But we might not wake her up for a little while yet."</p><p>Jordan, happy child that he is, seems unfazed by this. "That's OK. I've already waited eight years to meet her. I can wait a few more weeks."</p><p>Her heart breaks at that. She never looked at it that way. Jordan's childhood must have been every bit as lonely as Madi's – maybe even more so, as she had a whole village to play with before Praimfaya.</p><p>She thought she was protecting Madi by keeping her in cryosleep, but now she starts to wonder whether she's being selfish. Is she just isolating Madi further, in a lifetime when she has already been isolated too much? Now that the flame has ruined her childhood, would it be best for her to enjoy playing with Jordan for as long as possible before the rest of Wonkru are woken?</p><p>Motherhood is difficult, it turns out. Whatever decision she makes, it always feels like it's the wrong one.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy says goodbye to Clarke before he leaves for his scouting mission with Echo. Not because he's especially attached to Clarke, these days, or anything. Just because there was a time, long ago, when he didn't get to say goodbye to her and spent the next six years regretting it.</p><p>He thinks he might still be regretting it, actually. He thinks that maybe, if they'd shared a few well-chosen last words, they might not be in this situation right now.</p><p>"Stay safe while we're gone." He tells her, expression carefully blank.</p><p>She's looking at him oddly. "You stay safe out there. The sandstorms -"</p><p>"We'll be fine, Clarke. We can look after ourselves." It comes out sharper than he intended.</p><p>"Yeah. Of course. Just – take care, OK?"</p><p>He nods. "You too."</p><p>With that, he goes in search of Echo and a tent.</p><p>It doesn't take long to get ready for their journey. Within minutes their bags are packed and they are striding away from the Eligius ship while the others watch them go. They are barely out of earshot of curious observers when Echo starts a somewhat uncomfortable conversation.</p><p>"I've never seen you lie to Clarke before." She observes, tone neutral.</p><p>He does not insult her by pretending not to understand. He knows full well that she is talking about the moment he decided to claim that he and Echo had already planned to go on this mission together.</p><p>He does not reply, either. He's not sure what to say.</p><p>Echo seems content to continue without his input. "It's an interesting lie to tell. You could have just told her you didn't want her to join you."</p><p>"I didn't want to be rude." He mumbles, eyes fixed on his feet as he strides over the sand. He's pretty sure there's something wrong with him, something embarrassingly wrong with him – Clarke leaves him for dead, and he still can't bear to reject her company outright.</p><p>"Then you failed." She tells him, sharp. "Because ignoring her all of breakfast seems pretty rude if you ask me."</p><p>He turns to face her, even as they keep moving. "Why are you suddenly on her side? From what I hear, you were trying to throttle her not so long ago."</p><p>"I'm not <em>on her side</em>. Not at all. I'm just observing. You say you don't want to be rude to her, but then you ignore her. You invited her to the bridge ten years ago, but you won't invite her on this scouting mission."</p><p>"It's complicated."</p><p>"I know it's complicated. Don't you think I know that better than anyone? I've watched you mourn her almost the whole of our relationship, Bellamy." He doesn't think he's ever heard Echo as worked up as this. Normally she keeps her emotions rather more contained. "You're right. I did try to kill her. But then I saw her reaction when she found out you were alive. She cares about you."</p><p>He swallows painfully. People keep telling him that, but he's not sure whether to let himself believe it. Last time he let himself believe that, she left him behind to die. The time before, she locked his sister out of the bunker. If she really does care about him, she has a good track record of ignoring it and hurting him anyway.</p><p>"What are you suggesting I do?" He asks, annoyed and petulant.</p><p>"She was your friend. Apart from anything else, I know that much. I think you'd be happier if you treated her as your friend again. Not everyone gets a second chance with a friend they thought was dead, Bellamy."</p><p>He nods. He can understand that argument. He can understand everything Echo has said, really. And if she's the one saying it, then surely he wouldn't be so disloyal to their relationship if he experimented with being a little friendlier with Clarke.</p><p>He decides to test out that theory.</p><p>"I had a good time hanging out with her yesterday." He offers, tone as light as he can manage.</p><p>"Then what changed? Why was this morning different?"</p><p>"I guess I had time to think about it." That's been the problem since he left Clarke behind to face the death wave, really. Overthinking things is not how he works best.</p><p>In fact, he's pretty sure love isn't something you're supposed to <em>think</em> about.</p><p>Echo doesn't say anything more on the subject. She nods a little, and then she lets it go. And that's why he's with Echo, he reminds himself firmly. No difficult questions about his feelings. Sure, she's interfered rather more in his business today than she usually does, but even so, she hasn't asked about anything beyond friendship.</p><p>That's just as well, because he hasn't the first clue how he would go about answering any question she might pose about anything deeper or more complicated than that.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is enjoying this scouting excursion more than he should. They've basically been wandering through a desert all day, and they've pitched their tent on some scrubby green grassland tonight. It's hardly paradise. But after a lifetime spent almost entirely in space, it is good to breathe fresh air and feel the Earth beneath his feet.</p><p>He sits by Echo's side as they watch the campfire together, leaning into each other as couples do, his arm slung around her shoulders. It's pleasant enough. It's not going to set his world on fire. But after a day spent largely fretting about Clarke as they walked, it is reassuringly familiar to feel Echo in his arms. Safe. Unthreatening. A relationship he can rely on.</p><p>There's a little voice in the back of his head that doesn't like that. A voice that whispers to him that love is not supposed to be <em>safe</em>. It's supposed to be challenging, and sometimes messy, and it's supposed to be about bringing out the best in each other rather than getting too comfortable.</p><p>He ignores that voice. He's been ignoring it for thirteen years, so he's had a lot of practice.</p><p>"Thanks for inviting me along. Raven was driving me mad." Echo offers quietly.</p><p>Raven. Just like that, he is reminded of the behaviour he witnessed yesterday. He is reminded that he has left Clarke behind to face her former friend's confrontational leadership style with only Monty and Harper to help her out.</p><p>He is reminded that he has abandoned her yet again, even if only in a small way.</p><p>It is positive, though, to learn that he is not the only one who thinks Raven has sometimes been in the wrong, of late.</p><p>"She wasn't like this on the Ring. She was calmer." He offers mildly. He doesn't want it to sound like he is complaining unconstructively about an old friend he has always been close to.</p><p>"She's angry with Clarke for what happened in Shallow Valley."</p><p>"She shouldn't confuse anger for hatred." He says. Then he realises what he's done – it's as if he's somehow absorbed Monty's messages of peace and reconciliation, quite by accident.</p><p>Echo snorts. "She shouldn't be in charge. That's all it is. It doesn't suit her to make hard choices – I saw that in the Valley."</p><p>"Then why is she being like this?"</p><p>Echo looks at him as if he has lost his mind. That's hardly reassuring, seeing as he's supposed to have been practising using his head. "Because no one else is stepping up." She points out. "Clarke is feeling too guilty and excluded. You're too busy worrying about Clarke. I'm a follower more than a leader. Raven sees a vacancy and a way to show Clarke all the ways she thinks she has gone wrong."</p><p>It's in moments like this that Bellamy thinks Echo is a better spy than girlfriend. Or, at least, she is more suited to strategy than to being <em>his</em> girlfriend in particular.</p><p>"I'll try to steer things back to normal when we get back." He offers. He's not sure what he means by normal. Normal on the Ring was him holding it together through sheer force of willpower to lead in honour of Clarke, while Raven provided the brains of the operation and Echo a dose of cynical strategy. Normal on the ground, years ago, was a rather different beast.</p><p>He's not sure what their new normal will be.</p><p>He thinks about it a bit, as he stares into the fire. He thinks his ideal leadership situation would be sort of like what he and Clarke had going in the last days of the dropship camp, but maybe with less heat to their arguments. Each of them having different skillsets, each sticking up for their point of view. Both of them balancing each other out in a beautiful chaos of give and take.</p><p>They were both prepared to get their hands dirty, too. That's important, he thinks. That's one of the reasons Clarke is more suited to leadership than Raven, who tends to stand back from messy situations. Clarke is not afraid to get her hands dirty by making the tough choices and bearing the load or, more literally, by playing around with a toilet brush.</p><p>That thought brings a smile to his lips. He really did enjoy yesterday afternoon. He's allowed to admit that, now – Echo gave him permission.</p><p>No. He needs to stop this. He's committed to his relationship with Echo, and while he's sitting here with his arm around her shoulders he ought to be thinking of her, not composing some damn panegyric in praise of Clarke's leadership skills as he stares into the flames.</p><p>It's fully night, now. It's basically time for bed. With that thought in mind, he turns to Echo and kisses her determinedly. He always has found physical intimacy quite a handy way of taking his mind off the issues of the day.</p><p>She kisses him back, because she's good like that. Distracting, low maintenance. With occasional bursts of strategic insight.</p><p>He tries to take it further. Really he does. He weaves a hand through her hair, but then stops abruptly, his hand falling away, when he realises that her hair is too long and somehow the wrong texture. He ought to want to screw her, because she's his girlfriend and all, but when he eases her back onto the ground he finds that she's too tall, and she doesn't have quite the right curves in quite the right places. She even smells wrong.</p><p>In short, she is not the woman he has been thinking of all day, and he cannot convince himself to pretend otherwise.</p><p>He gives up on trying to force it, and goes to bed. And as he lies there, silent and awkward, next to Echo in the darkness, he allows his mind to wander, just for a moment. For scarcely half a heartbeat, he permits himself to remember how he felt when he first learnt Clarke was still alive, before war and betrayal made everything so complicated between them. He remembers the sheer joy, and the hope that maybe they might get a second chance after all. He remembers the realisation that she must have been clinging onto the memory of him and telling Madi their story.</p><p>Most of all he remembers the guilt that, even while she was singing his praises to her daughter, he was the one who kissed Echo first.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke stays up late that night. She'll probably regret it in the morning – heaven knows she ought to have learnt, by now, that a decent quantity of sleep is not something to take for granted, on the ground. But she knows that she's going to have trouble nodding off, tonight, so she stays up talking to Monty and Harper and Jordan as long as they are willing to stick around.</p><p>Harper takes Jordan to bed eventually. Clarke rather thinks that is it – Monty is keen to help out with reading his son's bedtime story, as well, so presumably their company will disband, now.</p><p>She is guilty of underestimating Harper McIntyre, it seems.</p><p>"We'll be OK without your dad tonight, won't we?" Harper asks Jordan. "Let's give him a chance to catch up with Auntie Clarke."</p><p>"I should go to bed." Clarke demurs without much enthusiasm.</p><p>"I know Monty was looking forward to talking to you." Harper insists, smiling all the while, but with serious steel to her words beneath. "Ever since we got chance to chat while they were getting the others from cryosleep he's been saying it."</p><p>Clarke sighs. Her old friend has her outmanoeuvred, here, it seems. And how bad can an intense conversation with Monty be, really?</p><p>It turns out it can be pretty bad.</p><p>"You just have to give them time." He says, the moment Harper and Jordan are out of the room.</p><p>She doesn't bother to pretend incomprehension. "How much time, Monty? They've had ten years."</p><p>"Ten years <em>asleep</em>. I think that's why it's been easier for me and Harper. We've had time to work through it all. We've had time to realise that we love you – all of you, our whole family – even though you've all made mistakes." That's just it. They've <em>all</em> made mistakes. And Clarke cannot help but feel phenomenally frustrated – and more than a little hurt – that she is the only one on the outside of the group when she is not the only one at fault.</p><p>But she's not about to say any of that. Not even to Monty, with his patient smile, and his rather older eyes than she remembers.</p><p>"I waited six years. I can wait a little longer." She says in the end, trying for a light tone. Trying to make it sound like it is not a big deal.</p><p>It is a big deal, to be clear. She waited faithfully for these friends – and one of them in particular – for six long years, and yet somehow, she now finds that she is expected to wait even longer.</p><p>Monty looks thoughtful, staring at his hands. "Do you think it might be a good idea to wake Madi?" He asks.</p><p>"I'm starting to wonder." She concedes.</p><p>"I think it could be good for you and for her." Monty offers neutrally. "And I know how much you worry. I get it, since we had Jordan. But she would be as safe here as a kid on a post-apocalyptic Earth could ever be."</p><p>"No Wonkru or Eligius, yet." She observes quietly.</p><p>"And Bellamy's never going to put her in danger again." Clarke looks up at that, sharp. She wasn't expecting Monty to go there. She thinks of him as a largely non-confrontational guy, so it takes her by surprise that he wants to face up to the real issue, here.</p><p>"You sure about that?" She asks, at a loss for other words.</p><p>"Yeah. He feels really guilty about it, Clarke. I'm not telling you this to break his confidence. I'm telling you because I know he can't find the words yet, but he wants to talk it out with you one day. We had a chat about it yesterday when we were on the way to the cryochamber."</p><p>Clarke scoffs slightly, shakes her head. That's the correct response here, she decides. That's the perfect way of reacting to Monty's kind lie – because a kind lie it must be.</p><p>But as she goes to her room that night, and settles into her cold, lonely bed, she is struck by a surprising revelation.</p><p>There's a tiny, naively optimistic part of her heart which is in serious danger of hoping that Monty might have been telling her the truth.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to everyone who has been so enthusiastic about this story so far, and thanks as always to Stormkpr for betaing. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke worries about Bellamy while he's out on his scouting mission, the next couple of days.</p><p>That's a bad habit she ought to have broken, by now. Worrying about Bellamy in his absence has earned her nothing but heartbreak. But if she worried about him even as she was leaving him behind in the fighting pit, she supposes it is hardly surprising that she's still worrying about him now.</p><p>She worries more in general, since Madi came into her life. In fact, it's more than that – all of her emotions seem to have been heightened by the pressure of taking care of the child she loves so much.</p><p>She tries to keep herself busy in Bellamy's absence. She helps Monty with his algae, because that's a good way of avoiding Shaw and Raven. She writes endless lists of the pros and cons of waking Madi and ends up making no decision at all. She chats with Miller and Jackson about life in the bunker sometimes, and that's good. It's <em>healthy</em>, she thinks. Healthy in a similar sort of way to the bran cereal she used to hate eating on the Ark – wholesome, and evidently good for you, but really not that pleasant.</p><p>It's not the first unpleasant situation she has sat tight through for the sake of the greater good.</p><p>By the time the call comes over the radio that Bellamy and Echo are heading home, she is more than ready for their return. She's had about as much cheerful pity from Monty and Harper and cheerless truth from Miller and Jackson as she can bear. Sure, she expects Bellamy and Echo to continue the trend of being phenomenally cold to her like they were at breakfast the other day, but at least they will widen her circle of company.</p><p>Their arrival does not align with her expectations at all.</p><p>She's working with Monty to fertilise a small patch of wasteland just outside the city when Bellamy and Echo appear.</p><p>"Hey guys." Bellamy greets them with a smile so wide that Clarke genuinely turns to look over her shoulder and see if Harper is standing behind her, perhaps.</p><p>"Hey. How was it?" Monty asks.</p><p>"Good." Bellamy waves at them with a pair of rabbit carcasses he has swinging from one hand. "There's no big game but fresh rabbit has to be better than algae, right?"</p><p>"Echo likes my algae." Monty reminds them cheerfully.</p><p>"I'm not sure that's true." Clarke ventures carefully.</p><p>To her utter shock, Bellamy lets out a merry laugh. "Typical Clarke. She's been back with us for days and she's already noticed what you missed for six years, Monty."</p><p>Clarke grins cautiously. She's almost tempted to believe that <em>typical Clarke</em> was a compliment, there.</p><p>"What have you guys been up to while we've been gone?" Echo asks, with every appearance of interest.</p><p>Feeling increasingly confident about this whole friendly conversation thing, Clarke has a go at answering the question. "Playing with Monty's fertiliser, mostly. And Jordan's been getting to know everyone."</p><p>That has Bellamy frowning slightly. "I'm sorry we missed that. I'd like to spend more time with him. What do you say we take him out on a godparents' outing together some time, Clarke?"</p><p>She gapes at him, shocked. This is not the coldness she was expecting. This is the very opposite of coldness, and she's not entirely sure how to respond.</p><p>She doesn't want to get this wrong. She doesn't want to get it wrong and lose him yet again.</p><p>"That could be good." She offers, cautious, but with a small smile she hopes is encouraging.</p><p>"He's been asking to see more of the ruined city. You could take him for a look around." Monty offers, because of course he is completely incapable of neglecting any opportunity to force a reconciliation between her and Bellamy.</p><p>"Great. How about we do that tomorrow morning?" Bellamy asks, all eagerness and sunshine.</p><p>"Sounds like a plan." Clarke agrees easily enough.</p><p>She misses the good old days when it was her who made the plans. She's not at all sure about this new dynamic, where Bellamy takes the lead. Sure, sometimes he's suggesting a pleasant walk with their godson, but sometimes he's suggesting an idea rather more catastrophic than that.</p><p>Sometimes his plan consists of betraying her every wish and endangering her daughter.</p><p>No. Dwelling on that now is not going to solve anything. Step one consists of going on a lovely walk with Jordan. Once they've managed that, and managed a few more civil conversations besides – then she might just dare to ask Bellamy what the hell he thought he was doing, that day.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke is somewhat cautious as she arrives for breakfast the following morning. It's exhausting, frankly, how changeable Bellamy's mood has been of late, and she never knows whether to expect smiles or frowns.</p><p>She can understand that, of course. She knows that the situation between them is complicated. And she's struggling to keep stay in the same frame of mind towards him for longer than an afternoon at a time, too. It's damn confusing, being betrayed by a close friend – being betrayed by someone she used to love.</p><p>This morning, it seems, is a morning for smiles. There are smiles over the breakfast table, smiles as Monty dishes out the algae, smiles as they get ready to leave for their morning out.</p><p>In fact, it seems as if Bellamy only grins even wider once they have left the transport ship and got out into the city. Jordan is beaming, too, and all in all Clarke finds that she cannot help but look more or less happy herself.</p><p>"Where are we going first?" Jordan asks, practically bouncing with excitement.</p><p>"I thought we might start with the ruined tower." Bellamy offers, in the kind of jolly tone Clarke might expect him to use with a child. "You know, it used to be really tall. It had dozens and dozens of floors."</p><p>Jordan nods. "And one time you climbed up them all to rescue Auntie Clarke?"</p><p>There is a heavy pause. Bellamy's jaw is clamped shut, his lips half folded in on themselves as he visibly struggles for words. Jordan looks confused – startled, even, as if wondering where the cheerful outing he was promised has evaporated to.</p><p>Clarke decides that maybe it's her turn to have a go at fixing this. "He didn't <em>climb</em>, Jordan. There was a lift. Some of the bad guys tried to stop it but Bellamy and your Uncle Murphy stopped them. But other than that – yeah. I owe him my life."</p><p>She owes him her life more than once over, and she knows it, and she wants Bellamy to know that she still remembers it, even now.</p><p>"Your Aunt Clarke is being too modest again." Bellamy whispers to Jordan conspiratorially. "She does that all the time. She's missing out the bit where she saved the human race that day."</p><p>Jordan grins, his morning of sightseeing and hero-worship safely restored, and gets on with asking more questions about the tower. Clarke tries to listen, really she does, but she's struggling. She's rather distracted by puzzling out the truth behind Bellamy's words.</p><p>If she didn't know better, she'd be tempted to say he was trying to be <em>friendly</em>. That's the only sensible interpretation she can think of for the combination of respect and good humour he's shown her so far this morning. But that can't be right – it can't be right at all.</p><p>They're not friends any more, she's pretty certain.</p><p>They do seem to be toying with the idea of being family once again, though, if only through their shared connection with this remarkable young boy. He's absolutely full of life, darting about through the ruins. More than once, Bellamy or Clarke has to run after him before he gets himself injured attempting to climb the rubble.</p><p>It hurts.</p><p>It ought to be a happy morning, but it hurts so much. Because it's a tantalising glimpse of a future Clarke knows she can never have. A future where she and Bellamy raise children together, and share the responsibilities and joys of parenthood.</p><p>The kind of future she dreamed of, those six years alone on the ground.</p><p>She tries not to let it get to her, as the morning draws on. There are plenty of reasons to smile, between Jordan's energetic company and Bellamy's determined good humour, so it is easy enough to keep a cheery expression on her face despite her internal struggles.</p><p>It gets a bit harder when they go to take a good look at the ruins of the bunker.</p><p>This cursed hole in the ground was the main reason Clarke didn't want to consider Polis home, and she stands by her aversion to it. Between her mother's addiction, and Octavia's tyranny, and two substantial disputes with Bellamy, she thinks this might just be her least favourite place on Earth.</p><p>It turns out that even Jordan is aware of that.</p><p>"You two fought here." The child informs them in an incongruously cheerful tone.</p><p>Clarke cannot answer, but Bellamy manages to grunt out a syllable of agreement.</p><p>"Twice." Jordan adds for good measure.</p><p>Clarke nods, and fixes her gaze on the ground. She can hear Bellamy's laboured breathing at her shoulder. It sounds like he's trying to suppress tears.</p><p>Jordan continues, either childishly oblivious to the emotions he is stirring up, or determined to say his piece anyway. "Mum and Dad talk about it all the time. They always have done, ever since they thought I was old enough to hear the stories. They used to say it was a lesson about remembering what's really important and about holding onto your friends no matter what."</p><p>"That sounds like a useful lesson." Bellamy chokes out. "Maybe we could have used hearing that lesson earlier."</p><p>Jordan shakes his head. "No. The last year or so they explained to me that it was more complicated than that. You guys had some really horrible decisions to make that made it difficult to put your friendship first. Since they told me that, I think maybe it's a lesson about working to get your friends back again when you upset them." He swallows slowly. "I don't really know, because I don't have any friends."</p><p>Clarke has to step in at that, however much she is struggling with her own emotions. "That's not true, Jordan. You have your Mum and Dad and all your aunts and uncles. I know that feels weird because we're grownups, but we're still here for you. And you'll have a friend nearer your age just as soon as we wake Madi up."</p><p>"Are you going to do that?" Jordan asks, brightening considerably.</p><p>"Soon." Clarke slides her eyes away, not willing to meet Bellamy's gaze.</p><p>Bellamy coughs, and steers the conversation back to where they were a few moments ago. "I think you're right, Jordan. I think it's a lesson about repairing friendships."</p><p>Clarke forces herself to nod and join in, for her godson's sake, and for Bellamy's, and for her own, too. "Repairing friendships isn't easy, but it's worth it."</p><p>Jordan seems satisfied with that, nodding and smiling and getting back on with climbing rubble and running off to goodness only knows where. Bellamy goes after him, this time, and that gives Clarke a brief moment to think. She's grateful for the respite, for the opportunity to get her thoughts back in order and her face rearranged into a calm expression. It's just that it's not easy to feel calm, right now. Bellamy can say as much as he likes about repairing friendships – which, clearly, she thinks is a jolly good idea – but until he actually speaks openly with her about what he chose to do to Madi, she's not sure his words have much weight.</p><p>They call the morning done not much later and meander back to the ship. Clarke isn't sorry to go. It's been a pleasant outing in many ways – almost <em>carefree</em>, in the good moments. Jordan is a delightful child, and Bellamy has made it clear that he wants reconciliation.</p><p>But there's more to it than that, isn't there? Every moment spent laughing with Jordan makes the pain of missing Madi that much sharper. Every smile shared with Bellamy has her second guessing his motivations, and wondering whether he really intends to retract his betrayal or just to joke with her until she gets bored of staying angry with him. She used to like his habit of lightening serious situations with humour, she seems to remember. But today she's finding that it grates slightly on her nerves.</p><p>There is lunch to be eaten on their return. She's not particularly keen to eat green goop and endure Raven, but she supposes she will have to just suck it up. After the tiny portions of rabbit they had as a treat last night, she fears that the algae will taste even more drab than usual.</p><p>Sure enough, they have barely sat down when Raven starts speaking, as if chairing a meeting.</p><p>"We should talk about the plan for the afternoon and going forward." Raven declares. "We're pretty much done with the engineering side of things for now."</p><p>"I'll have to keep working on the fertiliser. You're welcome to join me." Monty offers.</p><p>"We don't need all of us on farming." Echo counters. "And we're not patrolling again. There's no point. There's nothing out there."</p><p>Clarke wonders if this is her moment to step in, and suggest that maybe they ought to get on with building a society. It's all very well mucking about with patrols and short term tasks, but if they're ever going to wake anyone up they will need homes, and schools, and a medical centre.</p><p>Bellamy beats her to it. That seems to be how it works, these days.</p><p>"We should work on housing." He suggests firmly.</p><p>"Housing?" Raven sounds interested.</p><p>"The trip to Polis today was useful. We saw that a lot of the buildings are still standing, or not too damaged. I think we could renovate them enough to live in."</p><p>"You want us to live in the ruins of Polis?" Echo repeats, sounding as flummoxed as Clarke has ever heard her.</p><p>"It's more efficient than starting from scratch." Clarke points out, quickly catching onto Bellamy's train of thought. She's always been a little too good at that. "Some of the houses would be ready for us to move in today if we don't mind a roof that leaks a little." Raven is looking between her and Bellamy, eyes narrowed, and it reminds Clarke of a scene from an earlier age, when the pair of them would lead together and Raven would look on in critical exasperation.</p><p>It is Shaw who settles it, in the end, to Clarke's surprise. "A leaking roof is easy enough to fix." He states mildly.</p><p>At that, Raven nods. She spreads her hands in a gesture that looks almost like defeat. "Looks like we're spending the afternoon moving into our new homes."</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy spends the afternoon moving into a new home with Echo and getting it ready for habitation. There's not much to be done – they have chosen well. The roof leaks in places, and they patch it up temporarily with some old sheeting until Raven gets chance to teach them how to repair it properly. The windows are smashed to useless shards, but that's OK. It's still better than a tent in the wasteland.</p><p>Once their house is more or less viable and their belongings are inside it, Bellamy spends a great deal of time faffing. He rearranges his few spare changes of clothes three times. He only owns one book – a rather beaten up copy of the Odyssey scrounged from a bookcase on the Eligius ship – but he experiments with putting it in multiple different locations before he settles on leaving it by his bedside. He makes a start on sweeping the floors, and removes the remains of a bird's nest from what looks like it used to be a kitchen.</p><p>He does all these things because he is proud to finally have a home with Echo, naturally. But mostly he does them because keeping himself busy seems like a better idea than running to Clarke's home and begging her to let him help her move in.</p><p>He's not very good at maintaining a steady, moderate friendship with her, it turns out. He had far too much fun this morning and now he's absolutely desperate to spend more time in her company. Things aren't right between them, of course – they haven't dared to talk about their various betrayals yet – but the worrying thing is that he simply doesn't care. He just wants to spend the afternoon watching her smile.</p><p>He stays in the house he shares with Echo, because he knows that is the sensible move. Staying with Echo herself is the sensible move. She's steady, and undemanding, and a relationship with her is better than being alone. He's scared of being alone, and particularly of sleeping alone – he often gets nightmares of Clarke's screams following him down the hallway, that day he left her chained up to put the flame in Madi. And he knows Echo is scared of being alone, of reverting to the spy she was before. And he genuinely does love Echo in his own screwed-up way, so he doesn't want to hurt her, either.</p><p>He always seems to hurt the people he loves.</p><p>He manages to occupy himself for the entire afternoon. He succeeds in pasting on a bland smile through supper. But when the moment arrives to leave after the meal and head back home with Echo, he can't do it. He simply cannot turn his feet in the correct direction.</p><p>"I'll only be a moment." He excuses himself in a fluster. "I just want to check Clarke moved in OK."</p><p>Echo meets his gaze, looks him right in the eyes without flinching. He is struck by a sudden certainty that she knows exactly what is going on in his head.</p><p>She doesn't say anything, though. She simply nods, and turns for home.</p><p>He feels stupid when he arrives at Clarke's home, and more than a little pathetic. He doesn't know what he's doing here – offering to fix some plastic sheeting over her bare window frames? Asking if she needs to borrow an extra blanket?</p><p>Her home has a scorched front door riddled with cracks. He knocks, carefully, and then stands in nervous anticipation.</p><p>She looks surprised to see him when she opens the door. He's surprised, too, but not by her. He's too busy looking in shock at the paltry home comforts behind her. There are a couple of buckets on the floor, presumably located for a leaking roof. There is one meagre pallet with a bundle of blankets.</p><p>Most heartbreaking of all, there is a chess board, set up ready for a game. That's the thing that really gets him – actually brings stinging tears to his eyes – because last time he checked, chess is a two player game, but Clarke is here all alone.</p><p>"Bellamy? What are you doing here?" She stands there, and makes no attempt to invite him in.</p><p>He swallows. That's a difficult question to answer, given he doesn't actually know what he's doing here himself. "I wanted to see if you needed help with your house." He offers in the end.</p><p>"Help?" She repeats, frowning.</p><p>"Yeah. Just – you know, doing what's best for the group. You're on your own while the rest of us have someone to help. So I thought we should share out the workload and I should help you." He regrets the words the moment they leave his lips, cursing his own thoughtless inability to come here with an actual strategy.</p><p>Strategy always used to be Clarke's talent.</p><p>She bristles and actually steps away from him. "I don't need your help, Bellamy. I managed six years without you, I think I can handle pinning a sheet of plastic over the roof by myself."</p><p>He nods, awkward. "Yeah. Of course. You're right. I just – I'm here to help if you need it, you know?" This is really not going to plan. The plan involved her smiling like she did with Jordan this morning, not this frosty annoyance.</p><p>"You shouldn't be." She informs him dispassionately. "You've got a new family now. That's what you told me, isn't it? So you should be building homes for them. You should be fixing Echo's roof. You should leave me to sort myself out."</p><p>He doesn't know how to argue with that, because it's true. "Clarke -"</p><p>"No. I'm done with this, Bellamy. I can't do it. I call you every day for six years, but it turns out you have a new family now. I trust you with my daughter – the only person I would <em>ever</em> have trusted with her – but you put her in danger to save that new family. And now you can't decide whether you're ignoring me or whether it's all jokes and laughs." He watches in horror as she dashes tears from her eyes and continues. "I can't do it any more. I'm going to live here alone, and then I'm going to live here with Madi. And you are going to go home to Echo, and that's how it's going to be."</p><p>With that, she backs away from him, still crying, and slams the door. It shakes, a few charred fragments crumbling off and leaving it in an even more sorry state.</p><p>He doesn't know how to process this. He simply cannot fathom it. He's seen Clarke break more often than most people have – he always thought it was a privilege, really, that she would let him in when she was seriously struggling. But never before has he seen her break over <em>him</em>.</p><p>At least it means she's not indifferent to him, a tiny voice whispers at the back of his mind. Their friends must be right – she must have really cared about him, once upon a time, to get this kind of reaction out of her now. Her outburst rather reminds him of how broken he felt that day he locked her up and tried to hand her over to Pike.</p><p>He has screwed up. He realised that before now, of course. He realised that giving Madi the flame was a gross betrayal of Clarke's trust. But right now, as he reels from the memory of her looking him in the eye and telling him to go home to Echo, he realises just how terribly wrong their relationship has gone.</p><p>He needs to fix it. That's what he decides.</p><p>He needs to show her that she's still his family – that she will <em>always</em> be his family, even if they both make mistakes. That, frankly, she will always have a very special place in his family.</p><p>That despite everything, she still means the world to him.</p><p>That's what he comes to understand, very abruptly, as he stands at her doorstep and listens her weep over him, behind that firmly slammed door. The anguished sound she is making slices right through the shroud of denial and confusion he's been wearing since the moment he first landed on the ground after Praimfaya and realised she was still alive.</p><p>He will always care about Clarke more than he cares about anyone else, and he cannot believe it took him this long to remember it.</p><p>He needs to talk to Echo. He needs to accept that keeping up appearances and fleeing loneliness with her is nothing compared with his desperate need for a home and a family with Clarke.</p><p>He arrives back at Echo's home – <em>their</em> home, he supposes, for the next couple of minutes at least – within moments, desperation lending him speed. He needs to fix this, and he needs to fix it as soon as he possibly can. He never did like knowing Clarke was upset. It has always had a particular way of getting to him, of sneaking under his skin and leaving him feeling almost itchy with discomfort.</p><p>"How was Clarke?" Echo asks by way of greeting as he opens the door.</p><p>He only shakes his head. He cannot even begin to answer that question.</p><p>"Bellamy?"</p><p>He swallows, and cuts to the chase. "You know when I said nothing would change on the ground?" He reminds her, then runs out of steam. He's so woefully unprepared for everything this evening has thrown at him.</p><p>She finishes the thought for him, of course. She always was a better spy than girlfriend.</p><p>"You were wrong." She offers mildly. "Everything changed the moment Madi told us Clarke was still alive. I know that, Bellamy. I'm not stupid."</p><p>He swallows. "So I think it's best that you and me... we should... not do this."</p><p>She nods, face a calm mask.</p><p>He frowns, confused. Isn't this supposed to be more difficult? Isn't he supposed to stammer out useless apologies for several minutes while she berates him angrily?</p><p>"Echo?" He prompts her cautiously.</p><p>To his surprise, she only shrugs. "I've seen this coming for a while, Bellamy. Maybe since we found out she was alive and everything changed. Definitely since the moment she found out you hadn't died in the pit. If you'd seen the look in her eyes then you'd have known it was heading this way, too."</p><p>He looks up, startled into optimism. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"She cares about you." Echo says it as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. As if there's an actual reason she keeps using those words, whenever the topic of Clarke rears its head.</p><p>It's news to him. It's news to him that <em>anyone</em> could care about him, after all the mistakes he has made.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He offers, pathetic and less than eloquent.</p><p>She frowns, and he wonders if her mask is beginning to crack. Whether maybe there's a more emotional side to this girlfriend he never truly knew at all.</p><p>"Just go, Bellamy. We're fine, OK? But I'm not going to pretend this is easy for me. Just go start putting things right with her."</p><p>"Now?" He asks, confused. It's well into the evening and he just left Clarke in tears. This doesn't seem like a great moment to rock up on her doorstep uninvited for the second time inside twenty minutes and make his long-overdue declaration of love.</p><p>Echo nods, firm and decisive. "Now. Trust me, she'll want to see you now. If I'd been waiting sixteen years for you I'd want to get on with starting over as soon as possible."</p><p>He's not sure why he does as Echo recommends. It might be because he trusts her judgement, or it might be because his desperation to see Clarke and start putting things right has overtaken any remaining shred of caution. As he jogs back towards Clarke's house once more, he finds himself noting that there is something rather impetuous and almost senseless about all this dashing to and fro. It's hardly what a man who was calm and in control and using his head would be doing, he figures.</p><p>Good riddance to it. That's what he decides. Good riddance to overthinking things, and good riddance to clinging to that role he only tried to adopt because he thought Clarke was dead.</p><p>He doesn't have a cunning strategy when he arrives back at her house once more. Of course he doesn't – he has her for that.</p><p>Or at least, he will if he gets this right.</p><p>He resolves that all he can do is hammer on the door and beg her to hear him out. He feels moderately ridiculous, but it'll be worth it, he thinks, if he can convince Clarke to stop shedding tears over his stupidity.</p><p>"Clarke?" He calls, as he knocks on the splintering wood as firmly as he dares. "Clarke, it's me again. I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now. But – I'm here to tell you I know I screwed up. And to ask if there's any way we can ever put this right."</p><p>She opens the door. He should have known she would – she never did back down from a challenge.</p><p>She doesn't speak, simply stares at him, and he figures that's his cue to keep talking.</p><p>"I don't know where to start, Clarke. I'm so sorry about Madi. And I'm so sorry for making you think you weren't part of my family. You always will be." He swallows heavily, feels a sob stuck in his throat. He forces it down and carries on, voice thick. "You'll <em>always</em> be my family. More than anyone else, I think. And I'm sorry it took me this long to remember that. I was angry, but I should still have remembered it." He wonders if, now he has as good as lost his sister, Clarke might really be the only person he has left.</p><p>She looks tearful, still, but she gives a brave nod. "Thank you for saying that. I know – I made mistakes too. And I'm sorry for them." She swallows loudly. "Was that what you came over for?"</p><p>"No. Not just that." He scrabbles for more words, for an excuse to keep her talking. "I'd like to help with your house if you need anything. Not because you're not capable, and not for the good of the group or whatever. But just because you're <em>you</em>, and if you need a spare pair of hands, I'll be the first to volunteer."</p><p>"You've got your own house to work on." She reminds him.</p><p>"Not any more. I guess I need to choose a new place. I – I'm moving out of Echo's. That's not – we're done."</p><p>She looks surprised at that, actually peers up and meets his gaze. "You are?"</p><p>"Yeah. I think we both realised that being scared of being alone wasn't a good reason to stay together."</p><p>Clarke sighs heavily. "You might regret that in a few days. Being alone <em>sucks</em>." She informs him, cynical and sad.</p><p>That's his cue, he reckons. This is his moment to gather his courage and say what he really came here to say.</p><p>"I was thinking maybe we could hang out more, you and me. I had a great time showing Jordan round Polis this morning. I was hoping that we could try to get to know each other again." He digs his fingernails into his palm and forces himself to carry on. "Maybe we could talk about what happened? And I could show you how sorry I am about Madi?"</p><p>She's frowning at him, eyes narrowed, expression thoughtful.</p><p>He summons one last, desperate question. "Maybe we could start again?"</p><p>To his infinite relief she nods, a cautious smile spreading over her cheeks. "I'd like that. You're right, this morning with Jordan was good. Let's do it. Let's start again."</p><p>She steps back slowly as if to welcome him into the house, but he thinks there's something that needs to be said, first. In the spirit of <em>starting again</em>, he extends his hand and puts on a glossy smile.</p><p>"Pleasure to meet you. I'm Bellamy Blake. Factory station. I'm a janitor, and I'm a total ass half the time." And then he holds his breath, and leans back on his heels to see if his risk will pay off.</p><p>It does. She laughs, louder and longer than he has heard her laugh in decades. And then she reaches out to shake his hand.</p><p>"Nice to meet you too. Clarke Griffin, Alpha Station. A half-trained doctor and a privileged princess."</p><p>He smiles at her, simply beaming from ear to ear. He supposes he ought to find some more words, perhaps reassure her that she wasn't so insufferable as all that, or maybe ask if she fancies taking Jordan on another adventure tomorrow.</p><p>As ever, she is one step ahead of him. She really does retreat from the door, now, her body angled towards her meagre living quarters in welcome.</p><p>"Bellamy? Do you know how to play chess?"</p><p>"No. But I could learn."</p><p>He forms a theory, as Clarke grins at him, and he steps through the door, and she shuts it carefully behind him. He grows ever more convinced of it, as they sit opposite each other at the chess board, cross-legged amidst the ruins of the old world.</p><p>He thinks that maybe, some things might change for the better, on the ground.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks so much to everyone who has been enjoying this story and giving me such encouraging feedback! Thanks to Stormkpr most of all for betaing. Happy reading!</p><p>Please note that there is some canon-compliant description of suicidal thoughts in this chapter, as well as non-graphic description of physical injury.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy wakes up the following morning as happy as he can ever remember being, on the ground. Sure, his sister is still half a monster he scarcely recognises. He's just broken up with his girlfriend of thirteen years. And Clarke has in no sense forgiven him.</p><p>But she wants them to start again, and that's good enough for him. Apart from anything else, it gives him confidence that she <em>will</em> forgive him, sooner or later, and that their relationship will go on to flourish. He knows that they both care about each other far too much for either of them to give up on reconciliation now, no matter what lies in the past.</p><p>He stretches, and looks towards the window where the day is dawning. He slept in his and Echo's old room on the Eligius ship last night, in the end. He knows that one of his tasks for today will have to be finding a new home for himself, now that he's not living with Echo. It's tempting to stay in this soft bed inside this warm room forever, but he knows that's not in his long term best interests. That's living in the past because it is easy, not facing up to the challenges of building a new future.</p><p>It's a silly thing, but one of the reasons he's so happy this morning is that he's feeling pretty proud of himself. As far as he can recall, he has never been the one to initiate reconciliation with Clarke before now. He's usually the one clinging to hurt feelings while she has the sense to close the distance between them. But last night, he found the courage to start making amends, and that makes him feel better about himself. He's saying goodbye to simmering in pointless resentment, and it feels good.</p><p>He hopes Clarke might have liked to see him put in the emotional legwork for a change, too. He hopes that it might have shown her just how special she is to him. He feels bad about it, now, looking back on a lifetime of always presuming she would be the one to apologise and suggest they move on.</p><p>He ought to go to breakfast. And then he ought to find a house. And then he ought to fix his roof, or help fix Echo's or Clarke's, or help Monty on the farm.</p><p>But he doesn't really want to do any of those things.</p><p>He just wants to fast forward to this evening, when he has plans to hang out with Clarke for his next chess lesson. He knows that makes it sound like he's obsessed with her company.</p><p>That's because he is.</p><p>It's easy to admit it to himself, now. Breaking up with Echo has been very liberating. He can finally stop kidding himself, stop running from his feelings, and face up to the fact that he's been in love with Clarke almost as long as he's known her.</p><p>He hops out of bed and starts dressing. Breakfast is important, and the fact that Clarke will be there certainly can't hurt. And then he'll just have to occupy himself for the rest of the day until he can hang out with her again. It'll be worth it – her chore for this morning is to scout out the wasteland in search of a safe route for the two of them to take Jordan for a walk the next day. So if he leaves her alone this morning, he gets practically the whole day with her tomorrow.</p><p>He's acting like a teenager in the bright flush of first love. He knows it.</p><p>But he's too damn happy to care.</p><p>…...</p><p>By the time Clarke arrives at breakfast, almost everyone else is already there. That's a deliberate move on her part. She has learnt the hard way, in the last few days, that being early for meals is just a recipe for cold glares and awkward silence.</p><p>She scans the room carefully. Murphy and Emori aren't here yet, of course. But everyone else has already arrived, so most of the seats at the table are taken. A pair of empty places sit at Raven's right hand – presumably for the absent couple.</p><p>And then there's a space between Bellamy and Jackson.</p><p>She doesn't allow herself to overthink it. She and Bellamy are practising being friends again, and he's saved her a seat at breakfast, and that's that. He's chosen well, she decides – Jackson is one of the other people here she is genuinely on good terms with. She wanders over there and sits down.</p><p>"Morning." She greets both of her neighbours, trying on a smile.</p><p>"Hey." Bellamy offers, grinning broadly. She's not sure she's ever seen that facial expression on him before – or at least not for quite some years – but it suits him, she decides.</p><p>"Sleep well? How's the new house?" Jackson asks.</p><p>Clarke attempts to keep smiling, but the house is a wreck, and she knows it. It's not as if she got first dibs on choosing one of the more intact homes. And she remembers being too tired to bother arguing, when she found herself at the bottom of the list. She was tired of feeling excluded, she recalls, and tired of everything being such a damn struggle.</p><p>Then Bellamy showed up at her front door.</p><p>He comes through to help her out, now, too. "It's a work in progress." He tells Jackson, playing it off in a light tone as if this is a minor obstacle rather than humiliating her by pointing out that her former friends have essentially been systematically bullying her.</p><p>She's beginning to remember why she's always liked him so much.</p><p>She thinks it's about time she made it clear how much she appreciates their tentative reconciliation. "Bellamy's offered to help me with the roof." She explains almost proudly to Jackson, then turns to Bellamy. "Shall we maybe have a go at that tomorrow when we get back from walking with Jordan?"</p><p>He nods, still grinning that improbable grin.</p><p>"We'll give you a hand." Miller volunteers from the other side of Jackson. "We're nearly done with ours, we can help you out."</p><p>Suddenly Monty is joining in the conversation, too. "The farm takes up a lot of my time." He explains, visibly apologetic. "But I can spare an hour or two if you need it."</p><p>"I want to help, too." Jordan insists. "If we're going on a walk first you have to let me stay after to help with the roof. You can't send me home and make me miss out on the fun."</p><p>"We were thinking a walk might be fun, kid. Maybe more fun than watching the adults fix a roof." Bellamy offers mildly.</p><p>While Jordan is considering that point carefully, Emori of all people speaks, still apparently catching up with the conversation as she takes a seat at Raven's side.</p><p>"What's all this about a roof?" She asks, seemingly excited. "I could help with your roof, if you want, Clarke."</p><p>Clarke blinks, shocked.</p><p>She seems to have rather more friends than she thought she did.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke sets out for her walk in good spirits. She's scouting for a safe route to take her godson on an adventure tomorrow, and that brings her joy. Madi is about as safe as she has ever been, in cryosleep on the ship. Bellamy seems to be smiling at her rather more consistently, now, and has expressed a desire to put things right between them.</p><p>She thinks that, probably, life doesn't get much better than this, on the ground.</p><p>That's not saying much, of course. The ground basically sucks, as far as she can tell. Life has been one disaster after another since she came down here. She misses being a carefree child, sometimes. She misses the days before her father's floating, when all she had to worry about was school and chess with Wells and a passing interest in politics.</p><p>On the other hand, if she'd stayed on the Ark, she would never have met either Madi or Bellamy. The two most important people in her life today, and she would never have even known they existed. She wonders if maybe she might have walked into Bellamy in the hallways of the Ark from time to time, and never even thought to speak to him.</p><p>That thought hurts, so she gives up on it. Today is a day for optimism, more or less.</p><p>She travels light as she walks. She doesn't plan to go more than an hour or so away from Polis, so she has only a water bottle, a rifle, and the clothes on her back. If she recalls correctly, there used to be a small trading village in this direction. She hopes that perhaps there will be some ruins surviving that they might show Jordan.</p><p>It's grotesque, isn't it? Entertaining her godson by showing him the ruins of people's lives, buildings that myriad men and women and children called home less than a generation ago.</p><p>But that's life on the ground. Happiness and horror, hand in hand.</p><p>The sun is pretty bright today, beating down on the desert. That's OK – she's not going to be out long enough to burn, even with her fair complexion. Perhaps tomorrow she ought to find a hat to wear, just to be -</p><p>All of a sudden she is falling, going down heavily in the sand, and hearing a sharp crack as pain tears through her right leg.</p><p>Damn it.</p><p>This was not part of her plan for the day, to say the least. Cursing under her breath, brushing aside the tears of pain that spring to her eyes, she rolls into a sitting position and assesses the damage. There's a deep hollow in the ground where she fell. She must have put her foot straight into it. She wonders if perhaps it's the home of some unpleasant wildlife – it seems that <em>unpleasant</em> wildlife is the only kind of wildlife that survives round here.</p><p>Her leg is broken. She's pretty sure of it – not because her foot is splayed at an improbable angle, nor because she can see some dramatic open fracture like she's seen in the more grim old Earth movies. But between the noise, and the excruciating pain, and the shock reaction fast shooting through her, bringing shakes and shivers that rock her to her core, she's pretty convinced of it.</p><p>She needs to get a grip. She can't afford to go into shock. She's in the middle of a desert in the hot sun with a broken leg. She needs to think like a survivor.</p><p>She drinks a few sips of water, because dehydration won't help her now. And then she rips strips off her T shirt, and attempts to strap up her injured leg, using her rifle as a splint.</p><p>There's a reason people don't use rifles as splints, it turns out. It's hopeless, and she cannot even hobble on it. And there's not so much as a stunted shrub round here to scavenge wood for a better splint from.</p><p>And now she's ripped pieces off her T shirt, of course, and she can feel her skin burning under the hot sun. The longer she struggles fruitlessly with the makeshift splint, the worse it gets.</p><p>Damn it. She really could be in trouble, here.</p><p>She drinks some more water. Her bottle is less than half full, now. When did that happen?</p><p>Her only move is to wait, she decides. If she can't move, she just needs to sit tight and keep herself hydrated as best as she can. She had plans with Bellamy tonight, so he will surely raise the alarm if she's still missing by then. In fact, based on how friendly he seemed this morning, she wouldn't be at all surprised if he thought to check on her whereabouts before that.</p><p>It'll be fine. The group of people who may or may not be her friends will not leave her to die out here. She just needs to hold on and drink water.</p><p>She needs to drink water <em>slowly</em>. She doesn't have much left.</p><p>It turns into a very long day. Her leg is in agony, and she runs out of water by early afternoon. Her skin is burning fast in the fierce sun. She remains upbeat, though. She's Clarke Griffin, and no way is a broken leg and a spot of heatstroke going to be the end of her. That would be a ridiculous death, after everything she has survived to date. Things are looking bad, but she's still breathing. She still has hope.</p><p>Then the light starts to fade, and the panic sets in.</p><p>She can't be out here at night. She'll freeze. The temperature will drop suddenly, and seeing as she ripped her T shirt into bandages and she's weak and dehydrated, she won't survive the cold.</p><p>She's in serious trouble.</p><p>She starts to crawl towards Polis. It's agonising, dragging her bad leg behind her. Every time it catches on the sand a new wave of pain so strong she nearly blacks out washes over her.</p><p>She flips onto her butt, and starts shuffling pathetically. She can do this. She just needs to shuffle all the way back to Polis before it grows truly dark.</p><p>She can't give up now. She can't. She has to think of Madi, who has no one else in the world. She has to think of her mother, who is lonelier than she likes to admit, and is still recovering from her addiction. She has to think of Bellamy, who was so desperate to begin reconciling with her when he showed up on her doorstep last night, and she knows will never forgive himself if she dies on him now.</p><p>She's just so tired. She's tired of sand, and of the physical labour of dragging her dehydrated body through the dunes. But more than that, she's tired of life. It's been heading that way for a while now, of course – at least since she found herself stranded on Earth after the death wave – and suddenly it occurs to her that it would be very easy just to lie back on the sand and let nature take its course.</p><p>Monty and Harper would take care of Madi for her. She's sure of it.</p><p>No. She's not ready to die now. Didn't she decide that things were looking up, only this morning? Her survival instinct is still there, urging her to keep shuffling painfully towards Polis.</p><p>Then she hears, of all things, John Murphy's voice calling her name.</p><p>It might be a hallucination, at this point, but she replies all the same.</p><p>"Murphy! Murphy, I'm over here!" The words come out mangled and broken from her parched throat, but she manages some sound at least.</p><p>"Clarke?" He sounds a little closer now. "Is that you?"</p><p>"Murphy! It's me. Over here, Murphy!"</p><p>Within moments, a figure is emerging from the half-darkness, laughing in a slightly hysterical fashion. It looks like Murphy, but she still hasn't ruled out hallucination.</p><p>"Clarke? Thank God! What happened?" That gives her pause. She's pretty sure a hallucination of the man who scarcely bothered looking at her over the breakfast table this morning would not be so relieved to see her alive.</p><p>"You're happy to see me?" She asks, dehydration and this most unexpected development tangling together to leave her rather confused.</p><p>"Of course I am." He looks away, visibly uncomfortable. "I know we're not the best of friends, you and me, but I don't want you dead."</p><p>"Oh." It's not an intelligent contribution, but her brain is feeling pretty fuzzy, just now.</p><p>"What happened?" He asks again.</p><p>"I broke my leg." She says, ashamed. "It was stupid of me. And I've been stuck here ever since. I think I'm dehydrated too. My head doesn't feel so good. And I'm sunburnt." She concludes, quite unnecessarily, gesturing at her pink arms.</p><p>She never thought she'd see the day when a flustered John Murphy rushed to open his pack and offer her his last half-bottle of water. But it happens, now, as he urges her to drink, and as he gets out a radio to call the others back in Polis.</p><p>Clarke forces herself to take slow sips. She'll only be sick if she downs the whole thing in one as she is so tempted to do. While she drinks, she listens to Murphy's conversation. She really is struggling to focus, now, with the pain and the dehydration and the shivers. But it sounds like Raven is on the other end of the call, and like Murphy is saying they need Jackson and a stretcher, and that he is suggesting that Raven might want to tell Bellamy explicitly not to rush and injure himself in the process.</p><p>That makes her smile a little, despite the pain. She can just imagine him running out here without stopping to think. Or at least, she can imagine the old Bellamy doing that. She's not sure the post-Praimfaya Bellamy is quite the same.</p><p>Murphy sits on the ground next to her when he has finished calling for help. She drinks a bit more, and grits her teeth a bit more, and resists the urge to sleep.</p><p>The rescue team arrive quickly. Or maybe they don't. She's struggling to keep up with the passage of time, her limbs and eyelids growing heavier. She's not surprised to see Jackson and Miller, carrying a stretcher. And she's not surprised when Bellamy kneels at her side to wrap his jacket around her shaking shoulders.</p><p>She's shocked to see Echo in the rescue party, but she files that away to process another time, when her brain doesn't feel like it's full of acid fog.</p><p>"You're OK, Clarke." A voice that she recognises as Bellamy's murmurs to her. "You're going to be fine. We just need to move you onto the stretcher and get you home."</p><p>"We'll move you as gently as we can." That's Jackson, calm and kind as ever.</p><p>"You're going to be OK." Bellamy reiterates the point for good measure.</p><p>Feeling confident that she is safe at last, she surrenders to the pain, and lets the darkness rush up to meet her.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy has achieved a good many things while Jackson was setting Clarke's leg. He would rather have hovered uselessly at her bedside, of course, but Jackson ordered him in no uncertain terms to get out and leave him space to work. So it is that Bellamy has showered and put on clean clothes, all too happy to bid farewell to the dust and sand of the desert. He has fixed some of the worst holes in Clarke's roof, working by torchlight with Raven and Shaw's help. He's not stupid – he knows that, in Raven's world, "Can I help with the roof?" is code for "My old friend could have died today thinking I hate her." That's why he accepted her help, and that's why Clarke's home is now more or less watertight.</p><p>He moves onto other things, after that. He fetches some more blankets and furniture, and sets aside a bowl of algae for Clarke to eat when she wakes up. He scours the Eligius ship and finds a lined notepad and an old ballpoint pen. It's hardly a sketchbook and charcoal, but he figures it's better than nothing. It will give Clarke something to draw with while she's forced to live a more sedentary life.</p><p>When he runs out of other things to do, he heads back to Clarke's bedside and tentatively asks Jackson if he might be allowed in now, please, as long as he doesn't get in the way.</p><p>Jackson greets him with a smile. "You're fine. Come on in. She should wake up before too long."</p><p>"You think so?"</p><p>"Yeah. There's nothing seriously wrong."</p><p>Bellamy snorts at that. He calls the love of his life passing out with a broken leg in the middle of a desert <em>seriously wrong</em>, thank you very much.</p><p>Jackson corrects himself. "I mean she's not really sick. Once the fluids are in her system and she's had some rest she should be fine. And it wasn't a bad break, so she should be back on her feet in a couple of months."</p><p>"A couple of <em>months</em>?" He cannot imagine Clarke being content to build a new world from her bed for that long.</p><p>"She'll have crutches. You know Clarke, she'll manage just fine."</p><p>"I will." She croaks, surprising them both with the revelation that she's awake.</p><p>At once, Bellamy heads for her side. "You OK? Can I get you anything?" He flaps his hands a little in what he hopes is a gesture of miscellaneous helpfulness. He hates this – it reminds him of that time she got knocked out trying to get Finn to safety, only with sixteen more years of emotional investment in her wellbeing on his part.</p><p>"I'm OK." She tells him, and he's pretty certain it's a lie. "Jackson, a couple of months, you said?"</p><p>He nods. "Could be worse."</p><p>"Yeah. Thanks for fixing me up."</p><p>"You're welcome." Jackson gives a gentle smile. "I'll leave you two to it. Come and fetch me if you need to, Bellamy?"</p><p>"Yeah. Of course. Thanks." He's aware that thanking Jackson for taking care of Clarke is something of a statement, on his part. He's implicitly saying that Clarke's wellbeing is his business, and that any kindness shown to her is kindness shown to him, too.</p><p>He thinks that implication is probably fair enough, actually.</p><p>"Thanks for coming to get me." Clarke offers, a little hoarse, and a little nervous, by the sound of it.</p><p>"You're welcome." He sits on the floor at the side of her makeshift bed. He hopes he might be here a while, and this conversation might be a long one. "I won't say <em>any time</em> though, because I don't want you to do that again any time soon."</p><p>She gives a small laugh. "Yeah. Me neither."</p><p>He reaches for the algae and for a bottle of water. He knows Jackson has her hooked up to a fluid drip, and he knows he's not a doctor. But her throat sounds sore and he doesn't like the idea that she's in any unnecessary pain, not while she has a broken leg to contend with as well.</p><p>"Here." He offers, holding them out to her.</p><p>"Thanks." She takes them without argument. "Have you eaten?"</p><p>He nods. "Monty took care of cooking while the rest of us were out looking for you."</p><p>"<em>Everyone</em> was out looking for me?" She asks, visibly surprised.</p><p>"Jordan stayed home, obviously. And Raven coordinated on the radio. But yeah. Team effort."</p><p>"<em>Shaw</em> went looking for me?" She clarifies, for good measure.</p><p>"Yeah." Bellamy swallows and wonders how much to say. "Raven was pretty messed up about it. I think it made her rethink a thing or two. She helped me fix the roof."</p><p>At once, her eyes shoot upwards. "You did the roof already?"</p><p>"Some of it. I'll finish it later. We did the worst holes."</p><p>She seems to be struggling to process this, shaking her head and still staring at the ceiling. "You didn't need to do that, Bellamy. She didn't need to do it either."</p><p>"It gave me something to think about rather than worrying about you while Jackson was taking care of you." He admits, in a moment of daring honesty. She doesn't seem to object to that, so he carries on with a bit of long-overdue openness, his throat thick with unshed tears. "I was really worried about you today, Clarke. I honestly thought I might have lost you. And without properly putting things right between us, too. I'm so sorry about -"</p><p>"You don't need to keep apologising." She cuts him off sharply.</p><p>That hurts. He thought that maybe this was a good time to tell her some tough truths, but it seems he was wrong.</p><p>His disappointment must show on his face. She tries again, eyes a little softer. "I'm sorry for scaring you today. I scared <em>me</em>, too. It means a lot that you've taken such good care of me." She gestures to the algae bowl, and he almost laughs. All he's managed to do is bring her some supper. It hardly makes up for decades of neglect.</p><p>He nods, stiff, jaw hurting from the tension.</p><p>She continues. "I meant you don't need to keep apologising because I <em>know</em> you're sorry. I don't want to hear another apology." She swallows loudly. "I want to <em>understand</em>."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"I mean I want to know why you did what you did. You told me yesterday that you really care about me. So why the hell did you do the one thing you knew I didn't want you to do? You must have known I'd struggle to process it."</p><p>"I thought you'd never forgive me." He remembers, recalling Madi's words.</p><p>"Then why do it?"</p><p>He balls his hand into a fist, squeezes his nails against his palm. He thought he had longer, before he had to bite the bullet and say all this. But he supposes that if he's learnt nothing else today, he's learnt that he doesn't always have as much time as he thinks with the people he loves.</p><p>"I thought I was doing the right thing." He tells her, voice almost painfully low as he represses tears of anxiety and relief and remorse. "I'm sorry, but I honestly did. I thought it was the way to get to peace, the way to save everyone I cared about – including you. And I knew you'd hate it, but I guess I thought it was just another one of those tough choices we've had to make. Just like that time you thought you had to lock Octavia out of the bunker." He pauses, gathers his courage, and prepares for the most painful confession of all. "I thought I was doing what you would do, in my shoes. I thought I was using my head."</p><p>She gasps, and he looks up to see tears flooding her eyes.</p><p>"Clarke -"</p><p>"No." She interrupts him, voice suddenly strong considering the day she's had. "You're right. It was an impossible situation. I guess – I might have seen it that way, if she wasn't my daughter."</p><p>"Just like I might have seen the bunker door your way all those years ago, if she wasn't my sister."</p><p>She nods.</p><p>He sits and looks at his hands for a moment, and wonders what comes next. He was hoping to play chess and take care of her tonight, not make her cry over their troubled history together.</p><p>It seems that what comes next is Clarke's turn. "I'm sorry I left you behind. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I had to, Bellamy. It was <em>Madi</em>. I had to keep her safe." She bites her lip for a moment. "Just like that time you dropped everything to run away and keep the child you protected safe, too."</p><p>He doesn't misunderstand her reference. "Yeah. I get that. I understand." It all makes a lot of sense, really, now that they have spoken and had a go at empathising with each other's position.</p><p>He wonders why they didn't do this in the first place. He guesses that's the problem with love. When you really love someone, they have the power to hurt you more than anyone else.</p><p>He takes a deep breath, and voices a suggestion sixteen years in the making. "Can we stop trying to be each other now and get back on with being ourselves? I think we've proven that things go wrong when I try to think like you. It doesn't suit me, and it reminds me of being without you all that time."</p><p>She gives a twisted little smile. "I'm not sure I can. I think having Madi has changed me."</p><p>"Space changed me, too. But not always for the better." He sighs. "So we can't go back to how we were before, not completely. But can we just..." He trails off, wondering where his sentence was ever going. He wishes there was some easy way to articulate everything he's feeling, his desire to go back to how things were, but with a new dose of hard-earned wisdom.</p><p>"Start again?" Clarke suggests, voice almost light, as she echoes that sentiment from last night.</p><p>He smiles a little. "Something like that." He agrees.</p><p>There's another lull in the conversation. Bellamy takes Clarke's empty algae bowl, stands and leaves it on the table he liberated from the Eligius ship and put in the corner earlier this evening. He's pleased he did that, and pleased he brought the chairs, too. Furniture makes this place look a bit more like a home.</p><p>He's still on the far side of the room when Clarke surprises him again.</p><p>"It wasn't just Madi." She says quietly.</p><p>He spins on the spot, urgent, and seeks out her eyes. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"That's not the only reason I left you. That was the catalyst, sure. But it only broke me because – I didn't know who you were any more, Bellamy. You ignored what I asked you to do. I was heartbroken that I felt like I'd lost my closest friend. You came back from space a completely different guy, with a new family."</p><p>"And with Echo." He provides sadly.</p><p>She looks away, ducks her head. "And with Echo." She concedes.</p><p>Still standing by the table, eyes fixed on that empty algae bowl, he takes a deep breath and a risk. "That wouldn't have happened if I knew you were still alive."</p><p>She doesn't even bat an eyelid. As he looks up to work out why she hasn't responded in actual words, he sees that she's nodding slowly.</p><p>Well, then. Where does he go from here?</p><p>Clarke answers that for him, of course.</p><p>"Can you grab the chess board while you're standing up?" She asks.</p><p>He nods, only a little disappointed. She's had a long day, and she's in pain, and it would be selfish of him to want her to continue to pursue the conversation about Echo, and about what might have happened instead if he'd come home single.</p><p>He fetches the chess board, and they get on with playing a game together.</p><p>It's not a long game. Bellamy barely understands how the pieces move, this being only his second lesson. So he's completely in the dark as to how to actually <em>win</em>. Clarke recommends moves for him more than he chooses them himself, but that's fair enough. Being terrible at chess gives him an excuse to hang out with Clarke, so he doesn't resent it, in the grand scheme of things.</p><p>When the game is over, he is almost disappointed. But he shouldn't be, of course, because she's injured and she needs rest. He's being selfish, and he must stop it.</p><p>"Another game?" He asks all the same. He really does seem to have given up on using his head.</p><p>"No thanks." She sounds a little regretful, he thinks. "I should get some rest."</p><p>He nods. Rest is a thing she needs. He sets the chessboard to one side, and keeps sitting there. Presumably if she's going to bed she's going to need him to help her hobble to the bathroom or something?</p><p>"Bellamy?"</p><p>"Mmm?"</p><p>"You don't have to stay." She explains, slowly and clearly, as if he were a small child. "I'm going to bed now. It's been lovely hanging out with you, and thanks for taking care of me. But you can go home now."</p><p>He swallows. He knew this moment was coming, but he's still not ready for it.</p><p>"I'd like to stay. If that's OK, of course. I just thought – you're going to struggle to get around for the first few days at least. And I didn't get chance to find a house today because of your accident. So I thought maybe – I mean, I brought spare blankets. So maybe I could set up camp in the hallway or something in case you need anything."</p><p>"In the hallway." She repeats, tone carefully neutral.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"The hallway is full of cobwebs."</p><p>He swallows. "That's fine. I just – I'd feel happier staying close by so I know you're OK. And so you can just shout if you need anything."</p><p>"You want to camp in a hallway full of cobwebs in case I need anything." She echoes, still in that same odd tone.</p><p>He gets it, all at once. He understands that she's trying to rein in laughter.</p><p>"I want to camp in a hallway full of cobwebs in case you need anything." He declares, growing a little braver, looking up to meet her eyes.</p><p>"You are the most ridiculously over-protective guy I've ever met." She tells him nonchalantly. "But you're not sleeping in the hallway. Make yourself a bed in here somewhere. And tomorrow you can see if Raven and Shaw feel guilty enough to help you get another mattress in here."</p><p>He grins a little. It's a while since Clarke gave him an order like that. He doesn't intend to follow it for the sake of it, of course. But it does seem like a sound idea.</p><p>"Thanks. I'll do that." He agrees, a real smile spreading its way across his face, quite without his permission.</p><p>Clarke's smiling too. "Thanks for staying. Good luck helping me hobble to the bucket in the bathroom." She teases.</p><p>He's missed this. He's missed this so much, laughing with the confrontational young woman who never fails to make him smile.</p><p>Maybe he has found himself a new home today, after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello and welcome to the next instalment! Huge thanks to everyone who has been supporting this story and especially to Stormkpr for betaing. Please enjoy a generous dose of domestic fluffiness. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Bellamy snores.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke wonders how it is that she never knew this before. They've been best friends almost as long as they've known each other – give or take the odd moment when they've found themselves on opposite sides of a conflict. Sure, they haven't shared a room before now, but they've slept in close proximity out in the forest, on occasion.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That's when it occurs to her that he probably wasn't sleeping, all those times. She's familiar with his overprotective instincts, and she can certainly remember nights when they've been camped around a fire and she's woken in the early hours to the sight of him staring, alert and vigilant, at the flames.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It makes her want to cry slightly, with some emotion she doesn't much care to identify, to realise that he's relaxed and comfortable enough in her draughty home to actually sleep at night. But at the same time, it makes a small smile creep onto her face, quite without her permission. His snoring is neither loud, nor disturbing. It's just <em>there</em>, gentle, constant. Reminding her that he's still breathing, and that she's not alone any more.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She stretches a little, takes in the bright light streaming through the cracked windows. It's clearly morning, and she feels more or less awake. Sure, she feels like she had a substantial case of heatstroke yesterday, and her leg is throbbing painfully, but she's <em>awake</em>.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Or, rather, she feels duty bound to <em>try</em> to be awake.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She supposes she ought to get out of bed and get on with looking ready for the day. Maybe she ought to fetch breakfast algae for the both of them while Bellamy sleeps in. That would be a suitable gesture of thanks, she thinks, after he fussed over her last night. She's not clear on how exactly she intends to carry bowls of algae around whilst on crutches, but she's sure she can come up with a suitable plan on the move.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That decided, she makes a start on shuffling to the edge of the makeshift bed, dragging the leg that is in the cast carefully as she goes.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The noise must be what wakes Bellamy, she decides. All of a sudden he is sitting bolt upright in his tangle of blankets and frowning at her.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“What the hell do you think you're doing?” He asks, sounding almost angry.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Getting out of bed.” She says it as if it is obvious because, to be fair, she thinks it is pretty clear what she's aiming for, here.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“No. No way. You broke your leg and got heatstroke yesterday, Clarke. You're taking a couple more days off.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She ignores him, and goes to get to her feet anyway. She survived six years alone on a deserted planet, but for the company of a small child, and she doesn't need Bellamy Blake telling her she's incapable of moving under her own steam.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Getting to her feet doesn't go so well. Her pallet is low on the ground, and standing up turns out to be an awful long way away, a very large movement. And she tries to use her crutches for balance, but she's shaking like mad. When she does finally make it into an awkward, stunted crouch, she is hit by a wave of dizziness so strong she almost blacks out.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She didn't survive all that time on the ground without having the self-preservation instincts to know when she's beaten. She sinks gracelessly back onto the bed, rubbing her temples, and starts a new conversation so as not to give Bellamy the chance to call her out on her failure. Offence is the best form of defence, after all.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You weren't asleep that time, on the couch in the Chancellor's office. That night we made the list.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It works. He looks too thoroughly startled to even consider criticising her overambitious attempt at getting out of bed. “What – how -?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I've only just learnt you snore.” She informs him mildly. “Not loudly, don't worry. It's not a <em>problem</em>. It just made me realise you can't have been asleep, that time.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He stares at his lap as he answers. “I wasn't. I didn't want to leave you to write that list alone, Clarke. But you kept insisting I needed to go get some sleep.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“So you lay there on my couch pretending to be asleep.” She concludes for him. She can just imagine him, sneaking covert glances between nearly-closed eyelids, as he watched over her.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yeah.” He shrugs, as if this is no big deal. As if that level of overprotective vigilance is in any sense normal, between close friends.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Thanks.” She tells him inadequately.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He seems to get the picture, as he nods, and smiles cautiously, and stands up from his makeshift bed. He heads over to her, crouches at the side of her mattress. It's an interesting moment – she's exhausted, and her head is pounding, and her leg is killing her, but as she takes in the sight of him, leaning towards her in his rumpled sleep clothes, and the smell of him, so uniquely Bellamy, she finds herself feeling something that strongly resembles desire for the first time in quite some years.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She shakes her head to clear it. This is neither the time nor the place for that revelation.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He helps her out, unwittingly killing her inappropriate mood once and for all. “Let me help you get to the bathroom.” He offers, oblivious to her internal struggle.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She nods, but then wonders how to go about doing this. She may just have experienced that brief flush of desire, but on the other side, she has barely been touched by another human being in years – except for Madi, of course, but that's completely different. She doesn't quite trust herself not to flinch if he puts a supportive arm around her shoulder. She still remembers that hug he gave her, back when he first landed, and the way it jolted straight through her.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She grits her teeth. Small steps and pragmatism – that's how this is going to work.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Could I get some water first?” She asks. “Sorry – I just, I think I should have a drink before I try standing up again.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He reaches for a bottle and hands it to her. “Here. Take your time. We're not in a rush. Sit and drink for a minute, then I can help you to the bathroom and leave you to it while I fetch breakfast.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She nods, too weak to argue, yet hating herself for her weakness.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Rather than dwelling on that, she changes the subject. She spent six years missing Bellamy, and now he seems to have decided he's back in her life, she decides she'd quite like to make up for lost time on the cheerful conversation front.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You know that the room we're calling the bathroom is a bucket in a closet, right?” She reminds him, with a teasing smile.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He laughs. “I know. I had to use it last night.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She likes the domesticity of this. She likes the idea that she and Bellamy share rudimentary bathroom facilities, now. That thought catches her by surprise – scarcely days ago, she was reflecting on the fact that he hurt her daughter and she might never trust him again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">But he does seem to have made a good start on making amends, these last couple of days.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I'll get Shaw to teach me some plumbing when I'm back on my feet.” She offers, apologetic.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Don't worry about it. I might have a go at it before then. But I thought I'd start with your spare room first. I was thinking that you'll need it whenever you're ready to wake Madi.” He explains, haltingly, eyes fixed on the floor. The amused domesticity seems to have fled, Clarke notes, but she supposes that's hardly surprising.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You don't have to do that, Bellamy.” She reminds him softly. “I'm really grateful for your help while I can't get around. But you shouldn't spend your time fixing up my house.” <em>House</em> is, she thinks, almost a generous assessment of these two draughty rooms with a bucket closet.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I want to.” He swallows noisily. “I know fixing up Madi's bedroom isn't going to make up for what I did to put her in danger but – it has to be a better peace gesture than doing nothing, right?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She can't answer that. She's simply incapable of forming words, now that he's gone and said that. She can't decide whether she's more moved by his desperation to put things right or angry with him for the original shortcoming, and it makes for a tangled mix of emotions that have her swallowing down tears.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She simply sets aside her water bottle, and picks up her crutches in one hand, and reaches out towards Bellamy with the other in a gesture that plainly indicates she wants help standing up.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He obliges wordlessly, getting her onto her feet while she represses a wince and ushering her to the bathroom. And then he disappears to fetch their breakfast, and leaves her in that chilly bucket closet, eyes closed against the tears, wondering what the hell she's supposed to do now.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">…....</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Bellamy likes living with Clarke more than he should.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">They're shakily rebuilding their friendship, and she's still in pain, and all the same he can scarcely keep the smile off his face for the whole of the rest of the day. This second chance is more than he could ever have dreamed of, all those years he spent mourning her in space.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He just hopes he doesn't do anything to screw it up, this time.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He stays close to Clarke, the first day after her accident, but he makes a point of keeping busy so that she will not suspect him of hovering. He always has a task to do, he just ensures that he chooses tasks that revolve around staying in Polis – or more specifically near Clarke's home – rather than scouting out in the wasteland.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He starts with sourcing a mattress from the Eligius ship, and having Shaw and Miller help him drag it into Clarke's home. Neither of them passes comment on the fact that he feels the need to install his own bedding in her room, and he is grateful for it. They simply muck in, and wish her well with her recovery while they are there.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The two of them are just on the point of leaving when Raven shows up.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Hey, Shaw. I thought I might find you here. I need your help with the cooling system.” Bellamy thinks that the words sound a little practised, that she maybe has the air of a person offering an excuse for her presence.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Shaw nods. “Let's go.” He says, beginning to cross the distance between himself and the door.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“No need to hurry. You can stay and hang out a bit longer if you want. I don't mind.” Raven gets the words out in a rush, and Bellamy becomes increasingly convinced that this is, in fact, a situation the mechanic has engineered deliberately.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Shaw has his eyes narrowed. “We can go now if it needs fixing.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven gives a stiff laugh. “No, no. It's not urgent. Hey, Bellamy, how are you doing? Clarke, how's the leg?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There it is. Bellamy doesn't even try to hide his smile as Raven finally gets to the point.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“It's OK, thanks.” Clarke smiles and plays along, clearly determined to make this awkward reconciliation as easy for everyone as possible. He's always admired that about her – that ability she has to put her own tangled emotions aside in order to bridge the gap and resolve the conflict – but he rather wishes she didn't have to. He rather wishes Raven could just stride in here with an outright apology on her lips.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven tries for a smile, too. “That's good. Let me know if you need anything, yeah? Help with the roof or the windows or whatever, just give me a shout.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Bellamy manages not to laugh. Standard Raven – she can offer engineering assistance, but she cannot actually talk about the state of their friendship.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He decides to help them out. The pair of them are both important to him, in very different ways, and he's fed up of seeing them at odds.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“The plumbing needs some work.” He offers lightly.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven takes that and runs with it. “Great. Yeah. I can do that. I have a few other things to fix up first but I can start on that in a couple of days?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“That would be great.” Clarke offers, her smile growing almost genuine.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Great.” Raven echoes. “Plumbing. Great.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">With a last round of awkward nodding, and the odd extra <em>great</em>, she and Shaw sweep from the house, Miller hot on their heels.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Bellamy isn't sure whether to say anything about it. He's aware he went too far this morning, talking about renovating Madi's room, and he doesn't want to make Clarke feel awkward or upset twice in one morning.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He takes his lead from her, in the end. When she smiles cautiously but says she's tired and thinks she needs to take a nap, he doesn't argue. He simply offers her a hand to help her lower herself cautiously onto her mattress, and then he goes to get on with removing the cobwebs from Madi's bedroom.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It takes him a while – there are a lot of cobwebs. And after the cobwebs, there is the window to be patched over, and the floor to be swept. Then it is absolutely necessary for him to dust the hallway, and rearrange the corner of Clarke's room that he slept in last night. He wouldn't want his unplanned stay to inconvenience her by leaving blankets all over the floor.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He knows that this is Clarke's home, not his. He's fully aware of that, on a rational level. He ought, therefore, to go find a home for himself, too, and renovate it ready to live in when Clarke no longer requires his help.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">But he doesn't do that. Partly because he wants to stay close to Clarke in case she needs his help with anything, but largely because, in his heart of hearts, this place is already starting to feel like his home, too.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">…....</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Bellamy realises that night that his tentative happiness is not enough to keep the nightmares at bay.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's stupid. He's had a good day. He pottered around the house doing chores, fetched meals to eat with Clarke, played chess with her well into the evening.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">But still he lies here, panting and scared, trying to forget his latest nightmare.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He shouldn't be surprised that his dreams are still haunted by Clarke's screams. It was like that on the Ring – visions of her burning to death in Praimfaya. And nowadays he hears her real screams, from that time he left her locked up when he went to put the flame in Madi. It's not just the screams, either – it's everything about that horrific time. The knowledge that she left him. The cold look in his sister's eyes.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">The sudden awareness that he had lost both the most important women in his world, in one fell swoop.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He tries to get his head back on track. He's safe. He's in Clarke's room. She's just over there, alive and well. He hasn't lost her after all – on the contrary, they've rebooted their friendship and the future looks bright.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">His sister is another story – she's a monster. And Madi still has that chip in her head. And both those things are his fault, he cannot help but feel, and he hates -</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Bellamy?” Clarke's soft voice sounds in the shadows. “Bellamy, you doing alright?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I'm fine.” He lies through his teeth. Now he knows she's awake, he's sorely tempted to go over there and ask for a hug, but it seems like hugging is not something they do any more.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“If you're not fine, that's OK too. You could tell me about it.” She offers.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He doesn't deserve her. He's always known that – he remembers that very thought echoing through his mind, that day they stood on a beach at the end of the world and she told him he was special.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">If he keeps screwing up like this, he never will deserve her.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I'm sorry for waking you up.” He says, rather than lying to her again.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Don't worry about it. I would come over there but – you know – crutches.” She sounds a bit embarrassed, he thinks.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“It's OK. Really. I'm doing better now. I think I just needed to hear your voice.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Night is a dangerous time, he decides at that. It turns out night is a time for bad dreams, and for confessions he does not remember choosing to make.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke seems unconcerned, though. She just bids him goodnight, voice warm, and rolls over to face the wall. He stays up and watches her for a little while – not to be creepy, but just because watching over her always makes him feel better.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">…....</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke wakes up the following morning in a bad mood. She'd like to be able to blame Bellamy, for disturbing her sleep, and endangering her daughter, and everything else under the sun. But she's finding it harder to blame him for anything much with every passing hour.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She needs to get a handle on that. She can't roll over and forget what he did just because she's gradually remembering why she used to love him. And she really needs to rein in those silly flashes of desire – it's not like she can act on them, when she still has to grit her teeth to so much as take his hand.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">It's not like she can act on them, because it's not like that between her and Bellamy, and that's that.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She knows why she's really in a bad mood. She hates being incapacitated like this, hates being restricted to hobbling slowly around, still a bit dizzy, still in pain. She ought to be better at dealing with pain by now, she chastises herself firmly.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She feels pathetic, and it doesn't sit well with her.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She decides that there is an obvious solution to both these problems – her burgeoning desperation to be close to Bellamy, and her self-loathing for sitting here, helpless, and letting him help her with every little task.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She needs to tell him to move out.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He's a little slower to wake up this morning, and that almost shakes her resolve. He looks so comfortable, rolling over on his mattress to give her a sleepy smile, and it makes her heart quake stupidly in her chest.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">No. She doesn't need him. She doesn't need anyone, and that's final.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Morning.” He offers, sitting up and looking over at her, gaze altogether too warm for her comfort.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Morning. Hey. I've been thinking – you don't have to stay any more. It was kind of you to help for the first day but I'm feeling much stronger now.” She presses on to the end of her prepared words, even though he started frowning almost the moment she opened her mouth.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He replies cautiously. “I can leave if you want me to, of course. I don't want to overstay my welcome. But it's really no trouble for me to stay if there's anything I can still do to help.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She shakes her head, almost angry. Why is he making this so difficult? He was supposed to just up and run away the moment she gave him a reason to do so.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">That's what she did to him, last time they were both in Polis.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Really, I'm fine. I can cope. I coped six years without you, I'm sure I can manage just fine now.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I know you can cope with pretty much anything, Clarke.” There's a pause, in which he makes an odd gulping sound, and she wonders if he's feeling OK. “But I don't want you always to think you <em>have to</em> cope with everything. I'm back now. And I'm sorry I was late, and I'm sorry about Madi, and Echo, and all of it. But I'm here now, and you don't have to cope with anything alone ever again if you don't want to.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She cries. It makes her feel even more stupid and pathetic, but it cannot be helped. She breaks out into ridiculous heaving sobs, tears coursing down her cheeks, a long-overdue fit of grief decades in the making. And yeah, sure, it's partly because her leg hurts and partly the emotion of starting to reconcile with her friends and partly because she lost some sleep last night.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">But mostly it's because the words Bellamy just said to her are the best words she's heard in sixteen years.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She thinks back over their history together and decides that he couldn't have chosen a better speech to make. She still remembers vividly how she felt when they returned to Camp Jaha after Mount Weather – back then, he said she didn't have to do it alone, but she didn't truly believe him. She still remained unconvinced, genuinely thought she needed to go out and get some space on her own.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">This time round, she knows better. She knows that he'll be right there at her side, every step of the way, and that even the most substantial of conflicts will not keep them apart for ever.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Bellamy doesn't know how to deal with her crying fit – so much is obvious, as he crosses the distance between them and then squats an arm's length away, literally flapping his hands with concern. She doesn't blame him – she doesn't much know how to deal with it either. She doesn't break down like this very often at all, but the handful of times she has done, it has always been a messy and unpleasant experience.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She cries a bit longer. Bellamy fidgets in concern. She has a go at stealing her courage and reaching out to squeeze his forearm. That turns out to be a good idea – it's not as frightening as a full on hug, and it's physical contact on her terms, so she feels in control of the situation. She feels better, less alone, more grounded.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She's beginning to remember that she used to like it when he held her, years ago, before the loneliness and the betrayal and the passing of time.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">By the time her sobs have quietened to hiccuping gulps, she knows what she wants to say. It still makes her feel strange – not pathetic so much as <em>vulnerable</em>, maybe, or perhaps just human. She hasn't felt truly human in a while, so that's progress, she decides. She must look at this whole conversation as progress, and try to keep the self-loathing at bay.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She steels her courage and has a go at speaking. “I'm sorry. I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm not on my own. If – if you really don't mind staying, I'd like that a lot. It's been kind of you to help while I can't get around so well, but it's also – it's nice to have company, you know?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I get that. It's not that I <em>don't mind</em>, Clarke. I like spending time with you. I'll happily stay as long as you'd like me to.” He offers, smiling a cautious smile.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She smiles back at him, and decides that holding his arm like this might just be her new favourite thing.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">…....</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke isn't even surprised when Raven shows up at the house shortly after breakfast. She saw straight through the ruse yesterday, when Raven appeared ostensibly looking for Shaw. So she figured it was only a matter of time before Raven paid her another visit.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She's thought of a slightly better excuse this time, it turns out.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Hey, Clarke. Can I ask you about the comms system?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke nods, and gestures for her to come inside. She's not sure why she ought to have any opinion about the comms system, but she's not inclined to argue. She has been sitting on her bed pretending to read and really counting down the hours until her next dose of painkillers, so the distraction is welcome.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven takes a seat at the table and begins. “So the radios more or less work – over short range at least. We learnt that searching for you the other day. So I've been wondering whether or not to fix the laser-comm.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke sits, silent, expectant, waiting for Raven to finish speaking.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She never does. It seems that was it, and Clarke's input is now required.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You've been wondering whether to fix the laser-comm.” She repeats, trying to remember how to hold a civil conversation with this woman.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yeah. I thought I'd come and ask your advice. Because – you know – it's a question of strategy, isn't it? What comms systems do you think we'll need in our future here? Are there more visitors like the Eligius out there we might want to communicate with?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke is sorely tempted to laugh from sheer exasperation. She hasn't got a clue. <em>Obviously</em> she hasn't got a clue – she cannot tell the future, is far from an expert in communications, and apart from anything else she's sitting in bed with a broken leg and can scarcely think straight for pain.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">But clearly this is supposed to be a peace gesture, so she supposes she had better not laugh.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I'm not sure, Raven. Maybe we could discuss it another time when I'm feeling better?” She steels herself to say it, rather than judging herself for her own weakness.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">At once Raven's face drops, and she looks simply horrified. “Yeah. Of course. I'm so sorry – I didn't – stupid of me to bother you with it right now.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">There is a heavy pause, in which Clarke can practically hear Raven thinking. She wonders if she ought to do something to move the conversation on – perhaps thank her again for helping with the roof, or else reassure her that she truly does want to talk about the damn laser-comm another time?</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven beats her to it in the end. She stares at the table, fists clenched, and words start spilling out of her.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I'm sorry, Clarke. I'm so sorry. I just – I thought you'd gone and <em>died</em> out there. I thought you were dead, and I couldn't even remember the last civil conversation we'd had. I couldn't remember what my last words to you would have been.” She heaves in a breath. “I couldn't decide what I would have <em>wanted</em> my last words to you to be. I'm so sorry for shutting you out and not trying to see your side of the story. You – you were like a sister to me, and you deserved better than me cutting you off without even trying to talk it out.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Well, now. This is unexpected. Clarke thought they were supposed to be having a pointless conversation about laser-comms, not actually discussing the truth.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I get it. I hurt you guys. I didn't mean to – I just wanted to protect Madi. But I could see why you were angry.” She offers, not sure where else to start.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I get that, too.” Raven nods, crying openly. “God, I'm so sorry. Coming here to talk about plumbing and the laser-comm when I should just have started with a straight-up apology.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke gives a hesitant laugh. “I really would like to talk about the laser-comm, another time.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven grins, tentative but true. “Happy to hear it. You wouldn't believe how much thought I put into that – I wanted to pick something that would show you I respect your opinions and understand you should really be making the decisions round here.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You know you could just have said that to me in words?” Clarke cannot resist pressing the matter. She thinks it's only fair, after Raven's recent rudeness. “You could just have said you were sorry and thought I should have some input in decision making?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven nods, face composed. “Clarke. I'm sorry. I think you should have more input in making decisions round here.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I forgive you. I'm sorry for the things I did that hurt you when I was protecting Madi.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I forgive you, too.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Another pause. Clarke can hear her pulse in her ears, head still a little fuzzy from the heatstroke. Raven is picking at her fingernails, clearly neither ready to leave yet, nor having any ideas for what to say now that her original conversational gambit has been so roundly dismissed.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke decides that there is an easy place to start.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Jordan's sweet, isn't he? Have you had chance to spend much time with him yet?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Raven visibly brightens. “He's a smart kid, too. Monty's already started teaching him how to code.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Already?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yeah. And Harper swears he could shoot anything but I think your Madi's better, from what I've heard.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Clarke sighs in relief, leans back into her blankets and settles in for a long, cheerful conversation about children. Madi and Jordan will deserve all the credit, she decides, when they eventually get this city back on its feet.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">…....</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Bellamy wonders whether Clarke is OK, as they play chess that evening. He knows she's had an emotional day, between his heartfelt comment this morning, and Raven's visit not long after. But then Harper and Monty and Jordan visited to bring over their supper, and she seemed to enjoy that.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">Now, however, he's not convinced that she's doing so well. Or maybe it's not sadness – as her eyes drift away from the chessboard, he could perhaps believe it's more the case that she's lost in thought.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You OK?” He asks. He figures he might as well, even if she might choose not to answer.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I think so.” She mutters, and he's proud of her for her honesty. That can't have been easy, based on what she said about coping alone, this morning.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You want to tell me about it?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I guess I've got a lot on my mind. It's weird – being so lonely all that time, and now there are people everywhere and I can barely get a moment to myself to think.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I get that.” He offers. It's only half true, but it feels like a supportive thing to say, and he's trying to be supportive for all he's worth.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">They exchange moves in silence for a couple of minutes. He's losing, as far as he can tell, but that doesn't seem to matter. He's playing chess out of companionship, not competitiveness, here.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">When she does speak, he is so shocked he almost drops a knight.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I want you to wake Madi up tomorrow.” She informs him, tone perfectly even.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He coughs a little. “What?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“If you don't mind, that is. I think it's easier for you to do it than for me to try to get to the ship on my crutches with all this rubble in the way.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You want her awake?” He clarifies. He's been hoping she'd reach this decision – for her own sake, knowing how lonely she's been – but he's surprised she has arrived here so soon.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yeah. I think it's best for her that she gets to have a childhood and play with Jordan for a couple more years before the city is ready and we wake up Wonkru. And – I love her.” She declares, voice cracking. “I miss her so much, Bellamy. I just want to have her here with me. Is that selfish?”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“No. You know she loves you every bit as much. You know she's going to be annoyed you didn't wake her up right away.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">She gives a hollow laugh. “I know. Being a mother is the best and the worst, you know? Whatever decision I make, it always feels like the wrong one. But I get Madi, and that makes everything worth it.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He nods, not quite capable of speech. Some of what she describes sounds like raising Octavia, but better. He's jealous of their bond – he doesn't mind admitting it.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He wonders if he might ever get to have children of his own, one day.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">No, that's a silly thought. His ill-fulfilled duty to his sister probably shows he's not up to it, anyway. He refocuses on Clarke, and on the topic at hand.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“You sure you want me to be the one to go wake her up?” He's surprised she wouldn't ask Monty or Harper, who have never put Madi in danger before now.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yes. Certain. I trust you, Bellamy.” He swallows and tries not to cry. “I know you're sorry for what you did, and I know you'll take good care of her. I think maybe it's time I give you the chance to show me and her you can do better. And to be honest, I think <em>you</em> need the chance to see you can do better.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He looks up, startled. Sometimes he could swear this woman can read his mind. “I will. I promise. I'm never letting anything happen to her, not ever again.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I know.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He nods again, still feeling rather choked. If he knew this was all it would take to start putting things right with Clarke – a few genuine apologies, and a couple of days spending high-quality time in each other's company – he'd have broken up with Echo years ago. That's probably a slightly cruel thought, but it's the honest truth.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">They exchange a couple more moves. It occurs to him that there is a question he needs to ask.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“What are we doing about rooms? Do you want me to move into the other room and you two share this one? Or do you want me to move out, if Madi's going to be here?” He doesn't want to move out – he was overjoyed when she invited him to stay this morning – but of course he will respect Clarke's wishes on the matter. Her daughter could probably help her to the bathroom, for example, and he could choose a house nearby in case she needs any more substantial help.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“I thought you said the room you were getting ready was for Madi.” Clarke observes mildly.</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“Yeah.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">“There we go then. Doesn't sound like anyone needs to move anywhere.”</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">He smiles – or perhaps more accurately, <em>beams</em> – at her, and surrenders his king without complaint. He doesn't much care who wins at chess. He's rather preoccupied with his excitement at the idea that this house is becoming a family home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much to everyone who left lovely comments on that last chapter. Have some fluff with a side of fluff! Huge thanks to Stormkpr for top-quality betaing as always. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy is nervous as he stands by the side of Madi's cryopod and waits for her to wake up. He's spent the walk here thinking through her likely questions and his responses, but all the same, he's shifting his weight anxiously from foot to foot and hoping he doesn't screw this up.</p><p>He can't screw this up. It's simply not an option. He refuses to let Clarke and Madi down again.</p><p>All too soon, Madi is awake, blinking up at him, and it's time to face his fears.</p><p>"Bellamy?" She sits up, quickly. "Where's Clarke?"</p><p>"She's OK. She's fine." He reassures her. He knew that would be the first question.</p><p>"Then why isn't she here?"</p><p>He crouches down until he is speaking to Madi from her own height. "I just said she's fine, and I meant it, so don't freak out, OK? But she's hurt her leg and it's not so easy for her to get around at the minute. That's why she sent me to get you."</p><p>Madi doesn't freak out at all. On the contrary, she nods, calm and collected. "That makes sense."</p><p>Bellamy swallows. Madi's not a normal twelve-year-old. He should know that – it's his fault. "She's really looking forward to seeing you. She's back home waiting for you."</p><p>"When you say she's hurt her leg, what do you mean? What happened?" Madi asks, standing and heading for the door.</p><p>Bellamy makes haste to follow. No way is he letting this kid out of his sight. "She was out in the wasteland and she fell and broke it. But she's going to be OK, really."</p><p>"What was she doing in the wasteland?" Madi asks, sounding rather more concerned, now, but still striding forward.</p><p>"It's a long story."</p><p>Madi isn't impressed with his answer. She makes that clear, frowning at him hard.</p><p>Bellamy admits defeat and gets on with explaining himself. "Monty and Harper have a son now, Jordan. He's really looking forward to meeting you and having someone to play with. They asked me and Clarke to be his godparents."</p><p>"Godparents?"</p><p>"Kind of like aunts and uncles, or friends of his parents. It was a concept we had on the Ark. People to take care of you when your parents can't, and support you, that kind of thing."</p><p>"Like Callie. Abby's friend Callie used to babysit Clarke a lot." Madi offers.</p><p>That pulls the rug out from under Bellamy's feet. He's literally never heard of Callie, and wonders how to go about admitting that. It feels wrong, somehow, that he's spent the better part of his adult life in love with Clarke and he doesn't even know the name of her old babysitter.</p><p>He just nods, awkward, and carries on. "So we've been spending time with Jordan, and we wanted to take him on a walk, so Clarke went out to scout for a route. But then she had her accident. She really is doing OK now, though."</p><p>Madi frowns. They've made it out of the ship and into the ruins of Polis, now, and they're scrambling round rubble as they go. "But how is she managing down here with a broken leg? Surely she can't get around."</p><p>"No. She's stayed in the house so far. But really, she's fine."</p><p>"The house?"</p><p>"Yeah. We're renovating the old buildings of Polis, to get the city ready to wake Wonkru up one day."</p><p>Madi takes that in her stride. Of course she does. Resettling hundreds of grounders into a destroyed capital? All in a day's work for the daughter of Clarke Griffin.</p><p>There's something else that she is rather more preoccupied with. "But how is she managing in a damaged house all by herself?" She presses, growing visibly anxious.</p><p>Bellamy knew this moment was coming, but it doesn't make it any easier. "The house is in decent shape." He explains, to put off the inevitable a few seconds longer. "The roof is watertight and the windows are covered. And – yeah – I've been staying at the house to help her out. Just until she's back on her feet, you know? I hope that's OK. I know you and Clarke are used to it just being the two of you and I promise I won't get in your way or -"</p><p>He stops talking, very abruptly, as Madi takes him by surprise for the second time since he woke her up. On this occasion, she shocks him by throwing her arms about his waist in a rather exuberant hug.</p><p>She pulls away quickly, visibly excited at this course of events. "You're living with us? That's the <em>best</em>, Bellamy."</p><p>Well, now. He didn't think Madi would decide his presence in her home was <em>the best</em>, exactly. The best <em>what</em>, anyway? The best surprise? The best news?</p><p>The best farce?</p><p>He brushes that thought away. "So – you're OK with it?" He asks, although it seems like she is.</p><p>"Definitely. This is great, Bellamy! You and Clarke can be friends again. It'll be just like in the stories she used to tell me about you. Oh – will you teach me all about the Romans?"</p><p>"I'd like that." He admits, even though what he'd like ought to have nothing to do with it. He's just staying in the house because Clarke is injured, and he has no business worming his way into her daughter's life.</p><p>"Clarke must be so happy. I can't believe you already made up! How long have you even been awake?"</p><p>He clears his throat. "About a week."</p><p>There's a heartbeat's silence. And then Madi starts laughing, loud and long – the kind of joyful laugh any happy child would make, he thinks. For a moment he can almost forget that he ruined her childhood forever.</p><p>"I should have known." She says through her giggles. "So much for her never forgiving you. You've been awake a week and already you've moved into our house to make a fuss of her while she's injured?"</p><p>Put like that, he thinks, it sounds silly. It sounds a little pathetic, and like the pair of them can't stay apart from each other.</p><p>Or maybe, a surprisingly confident voice argues in his mind, it sounds like they still care about each other, no matter what.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke can't wait for Madi to arrive. Bellamy has only been gone a few minutes, because it is not far to the ship, but even so it feels like those minutes have been some of the longest of her life.</p><p>There's no reason why that should be the case. There are no enemies here and few hazards. And she knows Bellamy will make protecting Madi his priority – so much is obvious, after everything he has said of remorse in recent days, and after the way he has looked after Clarke since her accident.</p><p>All the same, it feels weird, to know that her daughter is currently wandering through the wreckage of a post-apocalyptic city without her.</p><p>She brushes that thought aside and gets to her feet. She can potter around the house relatively well, now that she's feeling less exhausted and the pain has receded substantially. She knows that getting about will continue to be a logistical challenge for a couple of months, but at least she doesn't feel quite so pathetic any more. She will get used to the crutches, she resolves. It must be a matter of practice like anything else.</p><p>As she moves awkwardly about the room, setting up the chess board and tidying away her drawing things, her mind strays to something else. She wonders if her current mobility issues might present a rather more meaningful opportunity for conversation with Raven, something more substantial than that damn lazer-comm. She would never try to compare her own short-term injury with her old friend's disability, of course, but she thinks an honest chat about insecurity and feeling helpless might do both of them more good than an empty exchange about communications strategy.</p><p>Clarke is just tidying away the last of Bellamy's spare clothes when she hears voices outside, still some way off. Strangely, she doesn't much resent folding his T shirts. She thinks that in the give-and-take of living with someone, sorting his laundry is probably fair enough, considering he has been fetching and carrying for her for the last three days.</p><p>As the voices draw closer, she becomes a little confused. That's definitely Madi and Bellamy she's hearing, but they both sound happy, which puzzles her. No, it's more than that – they sound <em>overjoyed</em>, laughing about something she cannot pick out, with the occasional cry of "You're kidding?" thrown in for good measure.</p><p>She goes to open the door, and sees them both racing each other over the last few steps to the front door, slightly breathless and still laughing.</p><p>She hugs Madi first. Of course she does. She's desperate to know what the hell is so funny, and why her two favourite people in the world are having a good time without her, but that can wait until she's held her daughter tight for a moment. She doesn't get a lot of human contact, these days, twitchy as she is about the thought of hugging her old friends, so she cherishes every moment that Madi is in her arms.</p><p>Hang on, her two favourite people in the world? Yeah, there's probably no sense in denying that.</p><p>"Are you OK, Clarke?" Madi asks, even though Bellamy has presumably told her as much.</p><p>"Yeah. Really, I'm fine. Come on in." She leaves Madi's embrace, takes up her crutches, and shuffles back to sit on one of the chairs. "You want to tell me what you two were laughing about back there?" She asks, trying to sound more curious than affronted.</p><p>Bellamy looks almost nervous, all of a sudden. "Just catching up on stories from space and the ground. I was telling her about Murphy's hairstyle experiments. I hope that's OK."</p><p>"That's fine." She assures him with a smile. He really is a strange guy, is Bellamy. Why would she be offended by anecdotes about Murphy's hairstyle? Does he truly think she is so ready to find fault in everything he does, since Polis? Does he honestly believe she is still so angry with him?</p><p>She ought to fix that.</p><p>It seems she will have to fix it later, though, as Madi is already chiming in. "I was telling Bellamy all about some of the games we used to play in Shallow Valley. You remember that winter where you made me targets to practise throwing snowballs?" She does remember that, but not with affection. She remembers the horror of feeling obliged to teach her daughter a few fighting skills, and trying desperately to turn it into a game.</p><p>"It sounds like you guys had a great time without me." Bellamy offers, and Clarke doesn't think she's imagining that there is something wistful in his voice.</p><p>"It would have been better if you were there." Madi decides firmly.</p><p>Yes. Clarke has to agree with that. But there's no sense in dwelling on it. "How are you feeling after cryosleep, Madi?" She asks, keen to move the conversation away from what might have been. "Do you need to eat? Stretch your legs? What do you want to do today?"</p><p>Madi rolls her eyes. "I want to hang out with you, Clarke."</p><p>"But what do you want to do? Shall I get you some -"</p><p>"I don't care what we do." Madi insists, in the tone of a surly adolescent, but tinged with affection. "I just want to spend time with you. We can draw or play chess or whatever you want, Clarke."</p><p>All at once, Bellamy is heading for the door. "I'll leave you to it." He announces briskly.</p><p>Clarke would honestly throttle him, if she could get near enough on these damn crutches to do so. He lives in their house, for goodness' sake. He's just fetched Madi and been informed that life on the ground would have been more fun, those six years, with him around. Why on Earth does he think he has to run away now?</p><p>"You don't have to go." Clarke mutters, annoyed with him. "You're welcome to stay. You live here too."</p><p>"No, no it's OK. You two should have some time together. And I said I'd help Miller with some roof tiles." He remembers, very abruptly, in a manner that rather suggests he has made the excuse up on the spot.</p><p>Madi rolls her eyes again, but Clarke ignores her. She's too busy wondering what her next move is.</p><p>"You should come home for lunch." She instructs him, in the end. "I'd feel much happier if you go with Madi to fetch our algae than if she goes on her own." Yes, it's at least a little manipulative, but if it closes slightly more of the distance between herself and Bellamy it will be worth it, she thinks.</p><p>"Yeah, of course. Lunch. Wouldn't miss it for the world."</p><p>With that he is off, pursuing his own non-existent task, closing the door gently behind him.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is annoyed with himself before he is even out the door, if he's really being honest. For a moment there it sounded like Clarke actually wanted his company, and he had to go turn down her overture of friendship and run away like the coward he is.</p><p>No, it's not cowardice. He's just doing the right thing. Clarke and Madi love each other, and they have a life together that he has no part in, and that's how it is. It's only fair that they should get to spend some quality time together without his presence making it awkward.</p><p>All the same, he now finds himself in a bit of a situation, because Miller doesn't need any help with roof tiles, truthfully, and so Bellamy has nothing to do.</p><p>He wanders – or more accurately, scrambles – round Polis for a little while, thinking things through. He really should find himself a house, one of these days, but he doesn't think that today is the day for that. What else is on his list of concerns and priorities at the minute? He needs to show he means to take care of Madi, but he likes to think he's already made a decent start on that front. He's worried about Clarke, isolated in the house. She must be getting bored, and he knows she isn't one to sit idle while others are working to build a new society. He has a feeling she's feeling a bit frustrated and judging herself for her temporary weakness, too, but of course he wouldn't know, because they're still not quite ready to talk about such things.</p><p>That brings him to a decision. He's going to scout out the city and see if there are any routes Clarke could realistically manage on crutches. If he can find a way for her to get out and about, maybe to see the others or go help Jackson to set up the medical centre, she will surely be much happier.</p><p>He has a successful morning, in the end. He finds a longer, meandering route between Clarke's house and the Eligius ship. It's not going to be a trivial journey to make on crutches, but at least it's passable.</p><p>Well, it's passable once he's spent an hour or two shifting some rubble from one section of road. It's not a big deal. He's faced worse for Clarke, before now, and she's certainly faced worse for him.</p><p>He explores further, after that. There's definitely a way from the house to the building Jackson has selected for the medical centre. If the doctor wonders why exactly Bellamy is loitering on the street outside, he doesn't say anything. He just gives a cheery wave and gets on with his day, because he's a good soul like that.</p><p>By the time Bellamy has finished his self-appointed mission, he has almost missed lunch time. Flustered, remembering that he was supposed to help Madi fetch lunch, he stands amidst the ruined city and wipes a hand over his damp brow. Does he have time to go back and meet Madi? Wouldn't she be safer if he just ran the errand himself?</p><p>He heads straight for the ship, and finds Monty already dishing up.</p><p>"Bellamy. Hey. We wondered where you were." Harper greets him, somewhere between relieved and admonishing.</p><p>"You know, lots to do. Can I take some food for Clarke and Madi?" He asks, keen not to keep them waiting any longer.</p><p>"No." Monty informs him smartly. "We're coming with you."</p><p>"You are?" This is news to him.</p><p>Harper nods. "We're joining you. Monty, Jordan and me. We thought Clarke and Madi might like the company. The others will stay here so we don't crowd Clarke's house." That has Raven and Emori nodding, and gives Bellamy the distinct impression that a plan has been made in his absence.</p><p>"OK." He nods, trying to look like he's keeping up. "Sure. Let's go."</p><p>They take the direct road back to Clarke's. Monty explains on the way that he and Harper were missing their friend, even though they have visited her a couple of times since the accident, and that Jordan was keen to meet Madi, and that this seemed like the easiest solution. Bellamy nods along and wonders why he never thought of it. He's spent the whole morning running round the city like a fool when he could just have invited some friends over to lift Clarke's mood.</p><p>It's a good thing the others didn't join the party, he thinks, when they arrive. Between the six of them Clarke's house is already very crowded. It doesn't help that there are only the two rooms. So it is that they sit around and eat their algae in the space that serves both as his and Clarke's bedroom, as well as the closest thing they have to a living room. He sits on his mattress and tries not to spill his algae, while Jordan and Madi sit cross-legged in the far corner, laughing together, apparently already firm friends.</p><p>He's pleased about that. He was a bit worried, what with the age gap and all. Four years can seem like a lot when a kid is that young. But apparently they have more in common than what divides them.</p><p>Clarke sits at the table, because she has a broken leg, of course. Monty helps himself to the chair opposite her, asking after her health.</p><p>That leaves Harper holding her lunch and approaching Bellamy, appearing almost nervous.</p><p>"Can I sit with you?" She asks, gesturing to the foot of his bed.</p><p>He nods. He lived in space with this woman for six years. She's one of his closest friends. Why does she look so shifty all of a sudden?</p><p>It all becomes clear when she continues to speak. "How's family life suiting you, then? Are you enjoying having Madi around?"</p><p>He frowns. "It's not like that." He says, because that seems easier than admitting that he's barely hung out with Madi so far, having exiled himself from the house for most of the morning.</p><p>"It <em>is</em> like that." Harper argues. "Or it could be like that. Don't you get it, Bellamy? Madi's tried to wave at you three times since we got here and you've ignored her every time. Clarke stares at you whenever she thinks you're not looking, as if she's terrified you're going to disappear again. Buck up."</p><p>That hits a nerve, has him raising his eyes to meet his old friend's gaze. He's never heard mild-mannered Harper tell anyone to <em>buck up</em> before now. Sure, he knows she's made of stern stuff, and holds firm to what she believes in. But she doesn't tend to go around confronting her friends unless she thinks it's really important.</p><p>It follows that she must think this is really important, then.</p><p>"I can't get too close to Madi." He mutters, hoping that the general bustle of conversation around them will cover his words. "I can't hurt her again, it would break Clarke. And – it would break <em>us</em>, too."</p><p>"So what's your plan? Stay away and hope for the best? Have half a relationship with both of them because you're too scared to go all-in and make this a real family?"</p><p>He sighs. That pretty much was his plan, actually. But when she puts it like that it sound so stupid.</p><p>Madi's waving at him again, but she looks a little more urgent this time. Maybe even <em>desperate</em>. She looks like a young child trying eagerly to attract the attention of a friend, he thinks. Or maybe she looks a little like Octavia used to look, when she wanted to play lily pads but he told her he wasn't really in the mood.</p><p>He always did end up giving in.</p><p>He waves back at Madi, now, letting his face relax into the smile that has been brewing all morning. And then he has a go at putting this right. It's not <em>going all-in</em>, perhaps, not quite like Harper was urging him to try. But it's better than sitting back and keeping his distance.</p><p>"Madi, Jordan, do you guys have plans this afternoon?" He asks, raising his voice just enough to carry across the small, crowded room. Clarke and Monty stop talking at once to watch the conversation unfold, and Bellamy curses internally. He's not sure he wants Clarke to watch his inept attempts at being a functional family friend.</p><p>"Can we go climb the ruined tower?" Jordan asks, all enthusiasm. "I want to climb the ruined tower. Have you seen it yet, Madi? It's so cool."</p><p>"I don't think either of you should be climbing the ruined tower." Bellamy cautions them firmly. Letting them climb the ruined tower sounds like the opposite of protecting these two children who are, at least in part, his responsibility.</p><p>"Clarke can't join in if we go do anything outside." Madi laments.</p><p>"Then let's think of something we can do inside." Bellamy suggests, not quite sure when this stopped being about Madi and Jordan's plans and started involving him.</p><p>"We could play a game." Clarke suggests.</p><p>Bellamy feels his mouth drop open in shock. Clarke wants this too? Clarke wants this desperately enough to break into the conversation?</p><p>"Can we play the drawing game?" Madi asks.</p><p>"That sounds like a plan." Clarke agrees.</p><p>"I'm in." Bellamy offers, although he has yet to work out what <em>the drawing game</em> actually is.</p><p>"I should head back to the farm when we're done eating." Monty offers, apologetic. "Harper? You can stay if you want?"</p><p>"No, I should join you."</p><p>Jordan pouts and expresses his displeasure. "But I want to stay and play."</p><p>Harper nods quickly. "You can, honey. I'm sure Bellamy and Clarke don't mind having you stay to play for the afternoon?" Bellamy looks to Clarke to answer that one. It is technically her house, after all.</p><p>"That's fine by me. You're always welcome here, Jordan."</p><p>"Yeah. It'll be great to spend some more time with you." Bellamy chimes in, now he knows he and Clarke are on the same page.</p><p>Everyone seems happy with this plan. They finish eating their algae with a gentle buzz of cheerful conversation, no longer strictly fixed in the pairs they started with. Bellamy calls to Madi and Jordan sometimes, and Clarke solicits his opinion on their furnishing situation, asking whether they want Harper to find them more cushions. He doesn't much care how many cushions are in the house, if he's being honest, but he likes the idea that Clarke wants to know his opinion on the matter.</p><p>It feels more natural, with all of the group joining in each other's conversations, now, Bellamy decides. The room really is too small to support three awkwardly separate discussions.</p><p>Before long, the food is eaten, and the dishes cleared away, and Bellamy finds himself helping to entertain a pair of children.</p><p>"Is this a good time to admit I don't know what <em>the drawing game</em> is?" He asks Clarke in a stage whisper, as he fetches her a drink of water. She didn't say anything about wanting water, but after three days of this, he's getting quite good at anticipating her needs.</p><p>"The drawing game is where you draw something and the other person has to guess what you're drawing." Madi informs him.</p><p>Clarke takes the water with a grateful smile. "We might have to think about adapting it a little for four people. We used to play it just the two of us."</p><p>"We could play teams." Jordan suggests brightly, with the air of a child who has always dreamed of having enough friends to form a team.</p><p>"Yes! Kids against adults." Madi decides.</p><p>Bellamy sighs. These two are thick as thieves already, it seems. "That's not fair on Clarke. I can't draw." He points out.</p><p>"I'm not good at drawing either." Jordan laments.</p><p>"You'll be fine." Madi tells them both briskly, with something of her mother's decisiveness.</p><p>Bellamy looks to Clarke for backup, but gets none. She's smiling benevolently at her daughter, and he decides that's a facial expression that suits her. It's an attractive look, in a new and unexpected way – not purely sexual, but rather tugging at something deep in his stomach, some desperate need to belong, some long-repressed desire to have a family of his own, one day.</p><p>He brushes that aside. This afternoon is for fun, not foolish fantasies. He fetches a handful of stationery and distributes it between them. And then he takes the spare seat from the table, and moves it so that it's next to Clarke instead of opposite her, and sits down.</p><p>"We're going to win." She informs him, as he's still arranging his notepad before him.</p><p>He starts a little. He's not used to hearing Clarke engage in this kind of carefree competitive spirit. It reminds him of watching her have fun at the Unity Day party all those years ago. "You sound very sure of that."</p><p>"I am. It doesn't matter if you can't draw. It's all about knowing the other person well enough that you can work out the message they're trying to send. And the kids may have hit it off quickly, but we've got them beaten on that front." He likes the sound of that, the idea that Clarke still thinks they know each other well enough to achieve even something so trivial.</p><p>"Yeah. We've got this." He tries for a cocky grin, and if the colour rising in her cheeks is anything to go by, he succeeds.</p><p>They do win, in the end. Bellamy is terrible at drawing, but he manages to convey the idea of a panther by creating something broadly catlike in appearance and then drawing a bonfire and some wristbands next to it. Emboldened by that success, he tries for a similar approach with horse which is really a stick-creature with a name tag that reads <em>Helios</em>, and goes on to successfully portray beans, books, and wild boar. Clarke can actually draw, so that helps, and by the time the afternoon is up they are storming to victory.</p><p>Madi and Jordan don't even seem to care. They're having too much fun laughing and getting to know each other. But all the same, Bellamy feels a little guilty.</p><p>"Do you think we should have let them win?" He asks Clarke under his breath. He has a feeling godparents are supposed to be kind to their charges.</p><p>She only laughs. "No. Trust me, Madi knows when I'm going easy on her because she's a kid. She hates it. We had no choice but to play for the win."</p><p>He likes this. He likes the sound of Clarke's laughter, and the idea that today's only choice is about lighthearted games, not matters of life or death. Most of all he likes the idea that, today, he's on the same side as Clarke, because he's pretty sure that's where he belongs.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke wakes up feeling reasonably cheerful the next morning. Madi is safe and well, and they had a great time together yesterday. Bellamy is asleep on the other side of the room, his soft snore reminding her that he feels comfortable, here, in the home they seem to have ended up sharing. And she's in much less pain from her leg, with each passing day. In fact, this morning, she almost forgets about her injury, until she goes to move and finds the heavy cast weighing her down.</p><p>She sighs. So she can't have every happiness, not all at once. She's still stuck in this house feeling useless for the foreseeable future. Yet the simple fact that the people she cares about are safe and well is enough to bring her more joy than she can remember feeling in quite some time.</p><p>She's still worried about her mother, but that concern is more on the back burner than at the forefront of her thoughts. As long as Abby is in cryosleep, she can't relapse, and that's better than nothing.</p><p>Bellamy is waking up, now, the rhythm of his breathing changing as he stretches and turns to look at her. She loves this part of the day. It's a sort of guilty pleasure of hers, watching him wake up in her room like this. It allows her to imagine, just for a moment, that they're living together for reasons that have more to do with romance than practicality. That this is a normal Ark household, two parents and one child, living a perfectly average life together.</p><p>That thought flees, of course, as she takes in the rest of the room and allows herself to remember what's really going on here. They're rebuilding a wasteland. Bellamy is on a very separate mattress on the other side of the room.</p><p>She can still scarcely bear to touch him, however attractive he might look in the mornings.</p><p>He's oblivious to her internal struggle, of course, so he greets her cheerfully. "Morning. What have you got planned for the day?" He asks, already on his feet and heading over to her bedside with a drink of water for her.</p><p>He should definitely have been a nurse, not a janitor, she thinks. Apart from anything else, she might have met him during her medical internship, and who knows how that might have turned out?</p><p>"I guess I'll stay here with Madi." She says, helplessness rising in her throat and threatening to choke her. She wants to do something more useful, serve this new society they're building. And she doesn't want to condemn Madi to a boring two months at her side. Perhaps Bellamy would take Madi on an outing on her behalf? Is she ready to trust him with that request?</p><p>Bellamy nods slowly, crouching by her bed to offer her the water. "You could do that. Don't hate me for saying this, but I think it might do you good to get some more rest and force other people to take a bit of responsibility for a change."</p><p>She's trying not to hate him for saying that, because he asked her not to. But it's not easy, she has to admit.</p><p>He continues without waiting for her input. "But if you're bored of sitting here we could go to the ship for breakfast. And then I wondered if you wanted to go help Jackson with the med centre?"</p><p>"I can't get there." She points out, confused by his suggestion, wondering whether he has somehow forgotten the nature of her injury, or whether he has some really foolish idea in mind like carrying her about the place.</p><p>"You can. It might take a while, because you obviously can't go the direct way. But I had a look around yesterday and there's a longer route that's clear enough that you should be able to manage it."</p><p>She frowns. "On crutches? You've found a route that's clear of rubble and I can get to the ship and med centre on crutches?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>She frowns harder. "How did you find that? <em>When</em> did you find that?"</p><p>"Yesterday morning." He admits, then swallows loudly.</p><p>Aha. She always did know that <em>tiles with Miller</em> were a ruse.</p><p>"Thanks, Bellamy. That's – you didn't have to do that. But I'd love to get out of here." She tells him, squeezing his arm with gentle fingers and remembering why that's her new favourite thing.</p><p>He looks a bit self-conscious about this, she thinks. She doesn't blame him – her enthusiasm for the idea of going to the ship is probably a bit excessive. But in her defence, she really is bored of feeling useless.</p><p>She's wondering about having a go at hugging him. No, that still feels a bit frightening, even if she initiates it. Maybe there's a half-way step she could try, like wrapping one arm around his shoulders?</p><p>Before she has chance to work it out, Madi is appearing in the doorway of their room, and Bellamy jumps backwards as if caught committing some unspeakable crime. Clarke can't decide whether to laugh at that or be upset about it. He certainly doesn't need to keep personal space from her on Madi's account – the child would be delighted if the two of them started being more overtly affectionate, Clarke knows. But for her part she's still annoyed with herself for this odd combination of desire and twitchiness she feels around her old friend, so she supposes that a little distance is probably for the best.</p><p>They get on with preparing to face the day, and then with making their way to the ship. Bellamy was right – the journey does take a while, and her upper body is aching from the crutches before they are half way there. She's certainly not going to make this journey more than once a day – in fact, she might even practise a bit of self-preservation and not make it every day at all – but it is well worth making it now.</p><p>Everyone is apparently overjoyed to see her at breakfast. Even Raven jumps to her feet to offer Clarke her chair, but Clarke dismisses her as cheerfully as she can so that she can sit together with Bellamy and Madi.</p><p>"It's good to see you up and about, Clarke." Jackson offers warmly.</p><p>"Thanks. I might come help with the med centre today, if that's OK?"</p><p>He frowns slightly. "You don't have to. I'm making progress and you should get some rest."</p><p>"I feel fine, really. And I didn't come all this way this morning for nothing." She tries to tease, but she thinks she just sounds frustrated.</p><p>"I thought you were here for the joy of my company." Murphy drawls, entering the room with Emori at his side. There is laughter at that, even from Echo, Clarke notes.</p><p>She wants to pursue the question of the medical centre, though, not be distracted by jokes. "Really, Jackson. I can help you out today. If I'm tired out after I'll take a break tomorrow."</p><p>He nods, admitting defeat, even as Miller nudges him with an elbow. Clarke's not sure whether he does so out of teasing or commiseration, but either way, it looks like the kind of comfortable relationship she might quite like to have, one day.</p><p>"Do you need any help with any of the tech in med bay?" Raven asks eagerly. "I can help if you need me to." Clarke cannot help smiling at her friend's newfound determination to put things right by means of offering as much technical support as possible.</p><p>"We're not there yet, thanks, Raven. Still working on tidying the place up and planning what we want where." Jackson says.</p><p>Raven's face falls, at that, so Clarke rushes to add a suggestion of her own. "But if you've got any spare time tomorrow and want to stop by my place to start talking about that plumbing, it'd be great to see you."</p><p>Raven brightens again. It would be funny, Clarke thinks, if the whole situation wasn't so sad. "I'd like that, Clarke. Yeah. Tomorrow afternoon."</p><p>"I thought you were resting tomorrow afternoon? Didn't you just tell Jackson that?" Bellamy reminds her, nudging her slightly with his elbow as he speaks.</p><p>She doesn't flinch. She knows it's a small thing, but that's literally the highlight of her day. Unscheduled physical contact with the close friend she's a little in love with, and she doesn't jolt away from him in shock. She even leans into him ever so slightly, laughing at his comment, grateful for his humour and for his determination to take care of her – even when she is determined to take care of herself.</p><p>She was right, those few seconds ago, when she thought that an affectionate relationship like the one Jackson and Miller share might be a pleasant thing. She knows that, now, because she realises she is half way to finding herself already in one.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello and welcome to another dose of family fluff! Huge thanks to everyone who has said lovely things about this story so far and even huger thanks to Stormkpr for betaing. Happy reading!</p><p>Please note that there's some discussion of disability and injury in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy knows he ought to have found himself a house by now. But in his defence, he's been pretty busy in the week or so since he woke Madi. He's been occupied with things like helping the girl to furnish her room to her liking, and checking Clarke doesn't tire herself out too much trying to help build the medical centre while she's still injured, and babysitting Jordan so Monty and Harper can work on the farm without interruption. So it's not like he's been procrastinating over choosing himself a home at all, honestly.</p><p>OK, sure, maybe he has been putting it off a bit. It's just been so lovely, this last week, playing make-believe at a happy family life with Clarke and Madi. It's the little things about living with them that he loves the most – listening to Clarke's soft breathing as she falls asleep each night, starting the day with Madi bursting into their room to bid them good morning at the top of her voice.</p><p>Admittedly, there are drawbacks, too. For one thing, the fact that Madi is around and keen to enjoy Clarke's company means that Bellamy hasn't had many opportunities to corner Clarke for more of those serious conversations about remorse and forgiveness. But he figures that they have the whole of the rest of their lives for conversations like those, so right now he's content to sit back and enjoy family life while it lasts.</p><p>He knows he can't stay here forever, though. So today is the day that he's going to bite the bullet and choose his future home.</p><p>He must look distracted as they walk to breakfast. Now that he's decided to look for a house, he cannot help scanning the streets for suitable buildings as they pass by.</p><p>"Bellamy? What are you doing?" Madi asks, when he stares a moment too long at one particular house.</p><p>He tries for a carefree shrug, but he's not sure he pulls it off. "Just taking a look at all the buildings. We're going to need to renovate a lot of them before we wake everyone up, right?"</p><p>Clarke shakes her head. "I don't think that's the priority. We should work on the farm, the med centre, a school, essentials like that. People can always do their own houses when we wake them up if we haven't quite got round to it."</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, of course." He swallows, decides he ought to move the conversation on before these two annoyingly perceptive women ask him any more difficult questions. "What have you two got planned for the day?"</p><p>"We're helping out with the med centre." Madi answers proudly.</p><p>Bellamy frowns. "Clarke, you were there yesterday. I thought you were going to rest today?"</p><p>"I'll rest tomorrow."</p><p>He frowns harder. "Clarke -"</p><p>"I really will rest tomorrow." She interrupts him, but she's smiling sweetly at him rather than looking annoyed. "Thanks for looking out for me, but I'm fine. I'm not tired."</p><p>He is sorely tempted to laugh. After those first few months they spent on the ground, all those years ago, he's pretty sure both of them have a skewed perception of what it is to be tired or well-rested. Personally, he still finds himself somehow surprised whenever he sleeps longer than six hours.</p><p>…...</p><p>It takes Bellamy a while, but he does find the perfect house in the end. It's small, only really suitable for one person, but that suits him fine. He's done with trying to fall in love with women who aren't Clarke Griffin. It's hard work and never really worth his while. So he figures that his future has him either miraculously continuing to live with her and Madi or living in this small house alone.</p><p>It's very near Clarke's place, too. That was one of his key criteria, because he needs to be close enough to help her out if she needs anything. And that's not just while she has the broken leg – he likes to think that even if he is nothing else to her, in the future, he might be able to keep being the helpful guy who fixes her roof. He knows she's perfectly capable of doing her own maintenance work, of course, but she's been getting a little better at accepting help, these last couple of weeks.</p><p>He makes a quick start on getting the place into a fit state, emptying it of rubble and the few stray possessions the previous occupants left behind. He hates the way that their society always seems to be like this, living in dead people's shoes, but he supposes that's just how it is. All the same, one of the things he finds is child's doll, badly scratched by sand and time, and he can't quite bear to throw that out. He leaves it propped up in a corner, with the vague notion he might hide it away in a cupboard, once he owns some furniture.</p><p>By the time evening falls he is pleased with his day's work. He collects some algae and heads back to Clarke's place to eat with her and Madi. It's not easy, balancing three bowls of algae in his hands while he has full water bottles for all of them hugged under one arm, but he makes it work. He's got this down to a well-honed routine in recent days – he carries all this stuff to the house, then either kicks the door gently or yells that he's there until Madi lets him in.</p><p>Today, it seems, she is determined to mess with him.</p><p>"Madi, hey. Supper's here." He calls, knowing that the door is far from soundproof and she will easily hear him from the other side.</p><p>Nothing happens.</p><p>"Madi? Supper!"</p><p>Again, the door does not open. This time there are, however, some muffled sounds from within.</p><p>He tries again. "Madi? Do you want to eat tonight?"</p><p>At last, he can pick out words. Madi is speaking, tone teasing. "Hey, Clarke? Can you hear that? I thought I heard a noise -"</p><p>"Madi." That is Clarke, voice growing louder, firm, and apparently not entertained. "Let him in. Go and let him in or I'll stand up and do it."</p><p>Within seconds the door is open, and Madi looks rather sheepish as she reaches out to relieve him of those water bottles he's on the point of dropping.</p><p>"Sorry." She mutters. "I thought it would be funny. I didn't mean – thank you for getting us supper."</p><p>Well, now. There's no need for all that. "It's fine, Madi. Maybe not your funniest prank, but I'm over it. No harm done at all." He assures her, as he places the bowls on the table.</p><p>She looks unconvinced. "I'm sorry." She repeats. "I guess I haven't learnt how to joke with people that aren't Clarke yet."</p><p>On impulse, he reaches out to pull the girl into a reassuring little half-hug. "That's OK, kid. I haven't learnt how to joke with Clarke again yet." He admits in a stage whisper. That has all of them laughing, to his relief, and the unnecessarily tense moment passes.</p><p>"You're doing OK, Bellamy." Clarke informs him, with a tentative smile.</p><p>"Madi's doing better." He argues, because he's pretty sure it's the truth, actually.</p><p>Clarke tuts slightly. "You're both great. I'm lucky to have you. Now can we eat?"</p><p>He nods and pushes a bowl towards her. There are three chairs at their little table, since he went to borrow another from the Eligius ship a couple of days ago, so all three of them settle down to their meal. It's not a big table, so they knock elbows rather often, but all in all mealtimes tend to be happier, in this house, than Bellamy thinks he has ever known them.</p><p>And that's saying something, given how revolting algae is.</p><p>They slurp their supper without speaking for a couple of minutes. Bellamy wonders where to start with asking after Clarke and Madi's days. He suspects they have nothing interesting to say – life is far from thrilling, here on the ground, as they fill their days with the repetitive tasks of founding a society – but he likes talking to them, so he tends to demand that they recount every tiny detail.</p><p>This evening, though, it seems Clarke has something else to say.</p><p>"I'm going to stay home tomorrow and get some rest." She declares.</p><p>"That's good." He tells her, relieved. She's been better at taking it easy than he expected, since she broke her leg, but she's still rather prone to overdoing it.</p><p>Clarke nods. Bellamy eats some more algae. Madi makes an odd kind of snorting sound he cannot make sense of, which has his eyes flickering to her in some alarm.</p><p>And then Clarke rips the rug out from under his feet.</p><p>"Would you mind taking Madi for the day tomorrow?" She asks, as if the question is perfectly routine.</p><p>He gapes at her, stunned. He doesn't take Madi for the day. It's just not a thing that happens. He occasionally walks to or from the ship with her, if they're going the direct route without Clarke. But he doesn't spend whole entire hours in sole charge of her welfare, not since he screwed up so spectacularly the last time he was asked to take responsibility for her.</p><p>"Bellamy?" Madi prompts him, sounding a little hurt.</p><p>That's when he realises he ought to have answered by now. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'd like that a lot. I've got some building work lined up and then maybe we'll have a little free time to explore the city." He swallows. "It's just – are you sure?"</p><p>"Yes." Clarke says, firm. One single syllable, yet somehow it means the world to him.</p><p>Madi is practically bouncing in her seat with excitement. "It's going to be great. I've been wanting to go on adventures with you ever since Clarke told me all about Mount Weather when I was younger."</p><p>He frowns. "This isn't going to be much like Mount Weather." It's an understatement to say the least.</p><p>Madi nods. "I know. I know that, now. She told me the real story a couple of years ago. But – I guess that kid-friendly version of it must have been the first story I heard about you. It always kind of stayed with me, you know?"</p><p>His eyes flit up to Clarke, to see how she's dealing with this topic. She looks slightly wistful, he thinks, but not upset, so he continues. "I guess it's a little strange for me that you know so many stories about me but I'm only just getting to know you, Madi." He fights to keep his tone light, but he knows that some of his emotion bleeds through.</p><p>Madi shrugs. "It's cool. We have years for you to catch up now, right?"</p><p>"Yeah. I'd like that." A sticky swallow. He can't keep talking about those years he missed, not if he wants to keep his composure at the dinner table. "What about you, Clarke? Will you be alright while we're gone?"</p><p>"I'll be fine. I can draw in that notebook you found me and get some rest like you're always telling me to." She grins. "But you two had better not have too much fun without me, OK? You'd better save the best adventures for when I'm back on my feet." Beneath her lighthearted words he can hear real insecurity, real frustration with her situation.</p><p>"You'll be out and about again soon." Bellamy reassures her.</p><p>"And then we'll have the best time exploring the city together." Madi adds.</p><p>Bellamy needs to take care, here. He's becoming increasingly optimistic that those statements about the future might include him, too.</p><p>…...</p><p>Spending the day with Madi is everything Bellamy expected it to be. They're both laughing before they're out the door of the house, but she manages to follow that up with several impertinent questions before they make it to the end of the street. She's such a wonderful mixture of joy and curiosity, this child, and every time he hangs out with her he finds himself thinking all over again that Clarke did a really good job of raising her all alone - better than he did with his sister, that's for sure.</p><p>They arrive at his house. Bellamy doesn't choose to tell Madi it is to be his house, because he fears that would open a whole can of worms he is not ready to discuss. So it is that he simply offers her a choice of tasks.</p><p>"Do you want to get rid of the cobwebs or do you think you could manage patching over the windows?" He asks her, aware that this is probably not the most exciting outing for a twelve-year-old child.</p><p>"What are you going to be doing?"</p><p>"I'm going to replace a couple of tiles on the roof."</p><p>"I want to help with that." She decides firmly.</p><p>He is sorely tempted to laugh. In what universe, exactly, does she honestly think that's going to happen? Surely it is obvious that he would never in a million years consider letting her climb up onto the roof? She knows he's already fallen out with Clarke over her safety once, and she must realise he never wants to do it again.</p><p>"I don't think that's a great idea, Madi." He offers mildly. "It's quite high. I don't want you to have an accident."</p><p>She frowns at him – or perhaps it is more of a pout. "But I want to. Tiling the roof sounds exciting. I don't want to stay down here with <em>cobwebs</em>."</p><p>"Madi, I'm sorry, but it's a no. I have to take care of you. You know Clarke would never forgive me if you got hurt."</p><p>She huffs. "She'll be just as annoyed if you fall and die."</p><p>He ignores that, because he's not convinced it's the truth. "And <em>I</em> want you to be safe as well, OK? Who's going to laugh at my terrible chess playing if you have a tragic accident?" That argument wins it – he can read her resignation in her eyes.</p><p>All the same, she has one last point to make. "I don't want to do <em>cobwebs</em>." She reiterates, fierce.</p><p>"Then patch the windows. We're not doing this forever, anyway. We'll go explore the city soon, I promise."</p><p>With that, they get on with their tasks. Bellamy is hardly an expert in roof tiles, but after Raven and Shaw showed him the ropes fixing Clarke's home, he's feeling relatively confident. He calls random snippets of conversation down to Madi from time to time, and she answers with spirit, and it's all quite companionable, he thinks. It's a new aspect of family life he hasn't seen before, doing tasks and chores together, but he rather likes it.</p><p>By the time he descends from the roof, Madi has run out of windows and is sitting on a chunk of rubble, squinting up at the ruined tower. It may not be as high as it used to be, but it still dominates the city skyline.</p><p>"Did you ever see it while it was still standing?" He asks, following the line of her gaze.</p><p>She shakes her head. "No. Never came to Polis – my <em>nomon</em> and <em>notu</em> were too worried that someone might suddenly discover I was a nightblood while I was just walking down the street." She says, somewhere between cynical and sad.</p><p>He sits himself on another slab of concrete nearby, dusts his hands off on his thighs. "It was a pretty impressive building. I guess we're not going to rebuild that."</p><p>She hums a little. "You know, a lot of Clarke's stories about you are set in that tower."</p><p>"I guess that's not surprising." He says. It's not an encouraging answer, but that's because he's already learnt that he is distinctly uncomfortable with his friends' children asking pointed questions about the parts of his story with Clarke that are set in Polis. Jordan taught him that last week.</p><p>"I think her favourite was the City of Light one. But I preferred the summit one."</p><p>"The summit one?" He asks, with a strong sense of foreboding that he knows exactly where this is going.</p><p>"Yeah. She didn't talk about it much – I think it was one of those memories she wasn't so proud of, you know? But that time she was in Polis and there was a summit and you were supposed to be miles away but you heard she might be in danger so you stormed right in there."</p><p>He ducks his head. "Not my proudest moment, either."</p><p>"It makes a good story, though."</p><p>That's it, isn't it? All this child knows of him are heroic stories. It's no wonder, he thinks, that it was so easy to convince her to go along with that plan of his and take the flame.</p><p>He decides he ought to do something about that.</p><p>"It sounds like Clarke doesn't always tell you stories very... honestly." He offers calmly. "From what you say, I think sometimes she makes me and the rest of her friends look good and leaves out how important her part was."</p><p>Madi nods. "I know that. I'm twelve now, not seven. But does it matter if the events didn't happen exactly like she said? The point of those stories was for her to hold onto her memories of you guys, and for me to get to know you all. The moral of each and every one of them was pretty much <em>trust Bellamy</em>. The details don't need to be right for the stories to serve their purpose."</p><p>It's moments like this where he remembers, rather abruptly, that she has a century of wisdom on a chip in her twelve-year-old brain.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He offers inadequately. "Trusting me didn't go so well for you."</p><p>She shrugs. She actually shrugs. He put her in mortal danger, betrayed the moral of those stories she listened to for years, and yet she's sat here, at his side, <em>shrugging</em>.</p><p>"It was one thing, Bellamy. How many times have you saved Clarke already? How many more times do you need to save Clarke or me before you forgive yourself? We're both over it."</p><p>He doesn't answer that, because it's a lot to process. He sits there and thinks about Madi's words for several long moments. He more or less believes that Madi herself might be over it, because that seems to be the kind of child she is. But he has a harder time believing that Clarke has completely moved on.</p><p>She and Madi are close, though. He doubts Madi would be saying it unless it held a grain of truth.</p><p>Madi, meanwhile, has something else to say.</p><p>"Are you and Clarke going to have more children one day?" She asks, as if that's a perfectly normal question to pose.</p><p>He clamps his jaw shut so tight he nearly bites his own tongue. <em>More</em> children? They don't have any in the first place. Apart from Madi, of course, but he really doesn't feel that he's allowed to claim to be her father figure, not after what he did.</p><p>But she is over it. She told him so, just now.</p><p>And anyway, it's a damn odd question. It presumes that he and Clarke would want to have children together. And, obviously, he does want that – but he's not particularly convinced that she does.</p><p>"That's a difficult question." He says, in the end.</p><p>She nods. "That's what Clarke said when I asked her yesterday, as well." She informs him, tone light and affectionate. "I thought it was worth a try. I always wanted brothers and sisters."</p><p>He tries not to focus on the idea that she's been discussing this with Clarke, and instead addresses the second half of her comment. "You didn't have any?"</p><p>"No. Again with the nightblood. <em>Nomon</em> and <em>notu</em> were scared that if they had more kids, they'd be nightbloods too."</p><p>"I'm sorry to hear that, Madi." It's inadequate, but he doesn't know what else to say. The girl clearly had a grim childhood on a number of levels, and his heart goes out to her.</p><p>He cannot help but feel that this conversation has moved rather beyond casual babysitter territory.</p><p>He stands up, decisive. "Come on. Let's go explore the city."</p><p>If he sits here much longer he'll end up telling Madi that he'd like nothing more than to have a brood of children with Clarke, and that doesn't seem like a very sensible move, just now.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke knew she would miss Bellamy and Madi, but she's surprised by quite how much she misses them. She's grown used to having Madi's company every minute of every day, of course, so that's understandable. But she managed without Bellamy for six years, and it's remarkable how quickly and seamlessly he seems to have resumed his role at her side.</p><p>She's relieved when Raven lets herself in to finish off the plumbing. She's sorely in need of some company.</p><p>"Hey, Clarke."</p><p>"Hey. How's it going?"</p><p>"Not bad. You?" Raven helps herself to a chair rather than heading straight for the bathroom, and Clarke likes that. It makes her feel like they're rebuilding a real friendship again.</p><p>"Yeah. I can't complain." She swallows nervously. "It's just – I'm not used to not being able to get around, you know? I guess that must sound pathetic to you when you've been managing for years." She's been wondering about starting this conversation for days, but this is the first time she's managed to push the words past her lips.</p><p>Raven takes it in good spirit, nodding thoughtfully. "It's new to you though, isn't it? I remember when I was on my crutches at Camp Jaha, at the beginning. I was still trying to do everything. I couldn't face the idea that I couldn't act exactly the same as I always had."</p><p>"Yeah. It's tough feeling like I can't be my usual self. But I guess I'll get back to it before long."</p><p>"You'll find a new normal, too." Raven reassures her. "Even though you're only on the crutches for a couple of months, you'll find a new normal that you're happy with before too long."</p><p>There. That's it. That's the conversation Clarke was hoping for. "Are you happy?" She asks her old friend outright.</p><p>Raven gives it serious thought. "Yeah, more or less. I think I've been happy with my leg since we went back to the Ring, pretty much. I – I still miss Finn. That must sound stupid, when we've all lost so many people."</p><p>"It doesn't sound stupid at all. I still miss Wells."</p><p>Raven nods, eyes kinder than Clarke thinks she has seen them in decades. "What about you, Clarke? Happy?"</p><p>"Yes." She is surprised how easily the answer comes to her. "I'm still worried about my mum. And I miss Wells and Lexa and so many people. But putting things right with you and all the others has been really good." She admits honestly.</p><p>"And living with Bellamy and Madi?"</p><p>"It's the best thing." She says with conviction.</p><p>Raven grins at her. "That's good. Where are they, anyway?"</p><p>"Bellamy took her out for the day. Exploring the city, that kind of thing."</p><p>"That's sweet."</p><p>Clarke hesitates barely a moment. This is frightening territory – they have not spoken about relationships, either romantic or familial, in years. "Yeah, they are really sweet together actually. Madi thinks he's the coolest foster dad in the world but he just looks surprised every time she wants to hang out with him."</p><p>"Foster dad?" Raven picks up, sharp.</p><p>Clarke feels herself flush. "What else am I going to call him? Her mum's best friend? Overprotective roommate?"</p><p>"Hey, no need to get defensive. Just good to hear you admitting that he's special to you." Raven says, getting to her feet. "I'm going to stop wasting your time now and get this bathroom working."</p><p>With that, she sets off down the corridor. Clarke wonders whether maybe Raven has given herself a bit of a fright by having such a personal conversation, or whether perhaps she thinks Clarke felt that last question was too far. Either that, or she genuinely does want to get on with fixing the bathroom.</p><p>It doesn't matter, Clarke decides, grabbing her crutches and following Raven down the hallway as quickly as she can manage. Sure, she's supposed to be resting and all, but she thinks she can stay on her feet long enough to carry on chatting to her old friend while she works.</p><p>After all, talking to Raven is something she quite enjoys. She remembers that, now.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke keeps Madi to herself the following day. That's exactly how it is – she's being purely selfish, asking her daughter to come with her to the medical centre to stock the shelves. She knows that Madi and Bellamy had a great time on their day out together – they both arrived home smiling and seem to have acquired a new collection of in-jokes she does not understand – and somehow that makes her feel a need to catch up on some time with Madi now.</p><p>It's silly. Of course it's silly. She knows that her daughter will not love her any less for having another parent figure in her life now. But all the same, it's difficult for Clarke to adjust to this new world they live in, where it isn't just the two of them.</p><p>She supposes that the obvious solution to her feeling insecure about Madi spending time with Bellamy is for all three of them to spend more time together. That seems like a good idea – they are, after all, far and away her two favourite people in the world. But she's not sure how to beg for Bellamy's company, after all these years coping alone. It's one of those things that makes her feel twitchy, almost like touching him.</p><p>So it is that she sits in front of a storage cabinet in the new med centre, and in between gesturing to Madi to pass her things, she starts a pointed conversation.</p><p>"How was hanging out with Bellamy yesterday?" She asks. It's hardly subtle, but she's beyond curious about what they got up to.</p><p>"It was great." Madi enthuses. "Sometimes I used to wonder if you were exaggerating how great he was, you know? It was kind of obvious you were biased. But he actually is the best godfather, or whatever he is."</p><p>Clarke skips over the point about the obvious bias, because she doesn't know how to go about addressing that, so she asks about the second part of Madi's comment instead. "Godfather?"</p><p>Madi nods thoughtfully. "Yeah. He told me about godparents the day he woke me up – how they're people that are friends with your parents and look after you when your parents can't. And I guess that's kind of what Bellamy does for me, isn't it?"</p><p>Clarke nods, slightly too choked with emotion to go about replying.</p><p>Madi continues regardless. "Except sometimes I think maybe he's more than that. You know, I've never heard him tell Jordan off. But he tells me when I'm doing something wrong. Nicely, but honestly, like you would. And he wouldn't let me fix the roof."</p><p>Clarke has lost track of what Madi is on about, now. "The roof?"</p><p>"Yeah. We were working on this house and I wanted to fix the roof and he got all annoyed and overprotective and said I couldn't." She swallows loudly. "My <em>notu</em> used to be kind of like that."</p><p>Clarke gives another silent nod. She's no fool – she can see where this is going. Madi is fast deciding that Bellamy is her father figure, whether he likes it or not. And Clarke has to be honest – she is in danger of starting to think of them as a real family, too. She needs to get a handle on that. Bellamy has said nothing about wanting to be her partner or Madi's father, and it is naive of her to presume he would wish to be either. They're a fairly dysfunctional pair, after all, and she wouldn't wish that burden on Bellamy.</p><p>Madi speaks up again, voice a little shaky. "Bellamy is staying with us, right? I mean, forever? It's just that he's renovating another house and I don't understand why."</p><p>Well, now. That's a worrying development.</p><p>"I think so." Clarke says, because she has to be honest with Madi no matter how hard it is. "It's still a little difficult for us to talk about everything, you know? But I told him he's welcome to stay and he seemed like he wanted to."</p><p>Madi nods, reassured, smiling slightly.</p><p>"I guess the house is for his sister." Clarke offers. That has Madi smiling more easily, and it does seem to make the most sense as an explanation.</p><p>At least, she hopes that's what's going on, here. Maybe she should ask him about it later. Maybe it's time to bite the bullet and really learn how to have honest and emotional conversations with Bellamy once more.</p><p>…...</p><p>Sometimes Bellamy wonders whether Clarke can read his mind. He's been thinking these last couple of days that he misses having real meaningful conversations with her, and that it is difficult to do so with Madi around. And so it is that, tonight, Madi has gone to sleep and Clarke has invited him to stay up for a game of chess.</p><p>He agrees, because he's not a compete fool. He helps set up the pieces, and leans back on his chair to study her as she makes the first move.</p><p>"Why am I going first?" She asks as she pushes forward a pawn. "You should go first. You need all the advantage you can get."</p><p>He laughs. "I'm going to lose anyway, and we both know it. I don't mind. It's nice just to spend some time with you." He admits honestly.</p><p>She rewards him with a warm smile. "Yeah. You, too."</p><p>That has him smiling as well. It's silly, that he's so excited about a couple of little words about enjoying his company, but he treasures them all the same. They exchange a few moves, Bellamy pushing pieces across the board almost at random, while he wonders what his next conversational gambit should be.</p><p>There are so many things on his mind and he doesn't know where to start, how to make the most of their time together. Should he start with another apology? More evidence that Madi's wellbeing is important to him and he'd do anything to take care of her? Or something straightforward like telling Clarke he loves living with her, and these past couple of weeks have been some of the happiest of his life?</p><p>Clarke beats him to it, in the end. She's always pulling the rug out from under his feet, but he wouldn't have her any other way.</p><p>"When are you planning to wake up your sister?" She asks, out of the blue.</p><p>He coughs a little. "Octavia?"</p><p>She frowns at him, plainly telling him with her eyes that, last thing she checked, he only has the one sister.</p><p>He gathers his scattered wits and tries again. "I don't really know. Why do you ask?"</p><p>"Madi told me she was helping you fix up a house." She explains, eyes fixed carefully on the board. "I guess I just presumed it was for Octavia, because I thought you were staying here. I mean, we'd like you to stay here, if you want to. <em>I'd</em> like you to stay here."</p><p>He feels a substantial smile breaking out on his face at that, and reaches a hand out across the table. He doesn't try to touch her, of course, because he's noticed she seems a bit skittish about touching him, recently. But he leaves his hand close enough to her that she can close the distance between them if she chooses to.</p><p>"I'm staying." He confirms, somehow an impulsive answer yet one he's been planning for days – or perhaps decades. "You think I should wake up Octavia? I guess I've been wondering about it but – I don't know. It's a lot."</p><p>"I think you'll be happier if you wake her up and then you guys can make a start on fixing your relationship." She offers.</p><p>"Echo thought that, too."</p><p>She looks up at him, apparently startled by his mention of his ex-girlfriend. "She did?"</p><p>"Yeah." He swallows, a little uncomfortable with this subject. "She really did want the best for me, you know? She saw that I'd be happier if I put things right with you and with O."</p><p>"She helped carry the stretcher when I was injured." Clarke recalls.</p><p>"Yeah. She knew I was losing it about you being hurt and she wanted to help out."</p><p>Clarke nods, and moves a bishop forward. It's one of the things he's always valued about Clarke, that they can have these somewhat uncomfortable conversations without any great drama.</p><p>"I think you're right." He offers in the end. "I think I should wake O up. But – will that be OK? I know she's no danger to Madi any more, but I don't want to make either of you uncomfortable."</p><p>"It's fine." Clarke assures him. "Really, it's OK. If you think it's the right thing to do, I'm with you."</p><p>He nods. "Great. Thanks."</p><p>She sucks in a noisy breath. "Let me know if you want me to come with you when you go to wake her, for moral support or whatever. You know what you said to me the other day, about not having to do things alone? You don't have to do this alone, if you don't want to." With that, she reaches out to rest a gentle hand on his forearm, gives a little squeeze.</p><p>"Thanks, Clarke. Thanks for <em>everything</em>, these last couple of weeks. It's good to feel like we're a team again, you and me." It's a clumsy way of putting it, but it's the best he can do while his tongue feels thick in his mouth.</p><p>"I think we always were a team, we just forgot it for a moment." She tells him, hand still on his arm.</p><p>That sounds about right, he decides. In fact, he couldn't have put it better himself.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Huge thanks to everyone who has been giving such encouraging feedback on this story, and to Stomrkpr for betaing. Please enjoy Some Significant Developments. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke is trying not to think too hard about the fact that Bellamy is waking up his sister from cryosleep at this very moment. There's no reason for her to dwell on it – Octavia is no threat to Madi, now, and she is determined that they will all make their peace with each other and learn how to be friends once more.</p><p>But somehow her heart is still racing, and her mind is still not on the conversation she is having with Madi.</p><p>Mother and daughter are alone together in the house while Bellamy is out fetching his sister. Clarke is taking a rest day, and Madi is keeping her company. They plan to draw and play chess and take it easy until Bellamy brings Octavia over for lunch later.</p><p>Clarke knows she didn't ought to be scared of lunch. But this is specifically lunch with a former tyrant who once wanted her daughter dead, and that's more troubling.</p><p>"You're thinking too loud." Madi accuses her cheerfully.</p><p>Clarke doesn't even bother trying to deny it. "Yeah. I am. Sorry – it just feels like a big day."</p><p>"You know you don't need to -"</p><p>Madi's sentence is cut off by a robust knock at the door. They look at each other in confusion – they are not expecting a visitor this morning.</p><p>"It's me." Bellamy's voice says from the other side of the door.</p><p>"Come in." Clarke calls, now even more confused. He's supposed to be with his sister, for one thing. And then there's the question of why the hell he feels the need to knock at the door of his own home.</p><p>"Hey. Sorry." He mutters, a little sheepish, as he opens the door and enters.</p><p>Clarke senses that he seems to be in need of reassurance, here. "It's OK. You really don't need to knock, you know."</p><p>He frowns. "I know you two were expecting to get some time to yourselves this morning. I didn't want to just walk in here."</p><p>That's ridiculous. It's completely and utterly ridiculous. He lives here – permanently, as he confirmed just the other day – and they are to all intents and purposes a family. Clarke decides she needs to tell him exactly that.</p><p>But then Madi beats her to it. "You're an idiot sometimes, Bellamy." The girl says affectionately. "This is your home too. And we're always happy to have you join us."</p><p>While Bellamy is still processing that, Clarke moves on to the next point which is confusing her. "Where's your sister?"</p><p>He frowns harder. "She's at her house. She said she didn't want to take up my time, and she didn't want to come here and intrude. I tried to change her mind but – I don't know. I – yeah." He concludes, swallowing loudly.</p><p>Clarke tries to help him out. He's visibly distressed, and she figures she can probably do something about it. "That's OK. It's going to be a bit awkward at first, isn't it? Try not to worry about it."</p><p>He nods, but she's pretty sure he's still worrying about it. What can she do to distract him and make him slightly more cheerful?</p><p>"Do you and Madi want to go explore the city this morning instead?" Clarke asks brightly. Bellamy always looks perkier when he's spent some time babysitting, and Madi must be bored of staying home while Clarke is injured.</p><p>"We can't leave you here on your own." He insists, stubborn as ever.</p><p>"We could all go." Madi suggests, in a strangely small voice. "I know you can't go far, Clarke, but we could walk for a little way and then sit if you need a rest."</p><p>Clarke knows her daughter pretty well by this point. They spent six years in each other's sole company, after all. So she knows from the tone she uses, from the slight nervous wobble, that this suggestion is incredibly important to Madi. That there's nothing the child wants more in this moment than for the three of them to take a family outing.</p><p>She therefore agrees to the idea right away. Bellamy protests a little, of course, citing concerns about how Clarke is supposed to be taking it easy today, but he is overruled. She can already feel her upper body getting stronger with the crutches, and besides which, Madi is right – she can always take a break if she needs to. The important thing, she feels, is not where they go or how far they travel. The important thing is the act of going on an outing all together.</p><p>Within minutes, therefore, the three of them have left the house and are wandering down the road. Madi starts running ahead, keen to stretch her legs and scout for exciting sights, and the two adults are left to chat.</p><p>Clarke has a little more in mind than idly passing the time of day, though.</p><p>"Tell me more about Octavia." She invites Bellamy, trying to keep her tone gentle and not too demanding. "It sounded like there was more going on than you wanted to say in front of Madi?" She guesses.</p><p>He nods. "Yeah. That's one way of putting it." He inhales loudly. "I don't know, Clarke. It was really strange. She was so... apologetic. But not about what she's done, not about all the deaths. More about taking up my time, and being a burden, and taking me away from you two for the morning. It's like she's forgotten how to behave normally around me."</p><p>"I think that's exactly what has happened." Clarke says, because she sees no sense in pretending otherwise. "She's been Blodreina for six years, Bellamy. It's going to take her a while to work out how to be Octavia again."</p><p>He hums a little.</p><p>She continues. "And – there's no going back from something like that, is there? You and I know that better than anyone. She's never going to be exactly like she was. It'll take some time for her to find a new normal." She says, thinking back to Raven's words the other day.</p><p>"Yeah. That makes sense." He turns to grin at her, and the sight of it is so dazzling she almost slips with her crutch on the uneven ground. "What did I ever do without you, Clarke?"</p><p>His voice is light, and he's still grinning, but it's a serious question, so she gives a serious answer. "You did exactly what I would have asked you to. You took care of them."</p><p>He snorts. "I tried."</p><p>"Really, Bellamy. You did good. I'm actually so proud of you – does that sound silly?"</p><p>This time, the buoyant grin is gone from his face, and he answers with his gaze fixed resolutely on the horizon. "It doesn't sound silly at all." He tells her, solemn and firm. "I'm <em>so</em> proud of you, Clarke. You're incredible. You raised Madi, you survived just the two of you. You made it through all that trouble with Eligius and got right on with patching up your friendships with us. Even now, you're building a city while you're on crutches with a broken leg." He pauses, swallows loudly. "But the thing I'm most proud of is that you've let me help you, these last couple of weeks. You've stopped trying to do everything alone."</p><p>"I'd give you a hug right now if I wasn't fighting with these crutches." She tells him, carefully light. It's not quite the truth, because hugs still feel a bit frightening, but the sentiment is right. And the crutches provide a nice neat excuse, she thinks, whilst still telling him how much his words mean to her.</p><p>He reaches out a hand to squeeze her shoulder gently, and she doesn't flinch. Rather, she turns to smile at him.</p><p>And she doesn't stop smiling at him until Madi runs back up to them, holding some pretty pebble she is excited about, soliciting their opinions at the top of her voice.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke is trying not to stare at Bellamy across the chess board, but that's not really working out for her. She swears she used to have more self-control, in general, before Praimfaya and Madi and the fight for Shallow Valley.</p><p>Or maybe until Bellamy left her. The two things might be related.</p><p>No, that's not what's important, here. She's supposed to be playing chess and enjoying some quality time with Bellamy now that Madi is in bed. And she's most definitely not supposed to be staring at his lips.</p><p>It's a lost cause. His lips are just very easy to stare at, OK?</p><p>She knows what's going on here – she's not stupid. And apart from anything else, she's no blushing virgin, for all that she's currently so twitchy about human contact. She's been in love before, so she's pretty sure she understands what's happening between her and Bellamy, what with the near-instant forgiveness, and the living together, and the staring at each other's lips.</p><p>That's right – <em>each other's </em>lips. She's caught him doing it too, more than a handful of times.</p><p>The thing is, she's never been in love quite like this before. Her attachment to Lexa was deep and real, but it wasn't founded on the back of enduring friendship like her love for Bellamy is. She honestly can't imagine going back to life without him, now she knows how badly those six years hurt while he was in space, and those six days hurt when they were on opposite sides. So she's feeling quite a lot of pressure not to screw this up, not to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.</p><p>And apart from anything else, she doesn't feel like she has any right to say anything about love until she can convince herself to touch him rather more fluently. She's becoming increasingly ashamed of that particular weakness. It's not that she doesn't want to hug him and take his hand and generally relax into his personal space. It's just that the mere idea of it fills her with such a toxic cocktail of anxiety and discomfort that she can scarcely breathe.</p><p>It'll pass, she tries to convince herself, moving a pawn and remembering to throw Bellamy a quick smile. It must just be because it's been so long since she had any kind of sexual encounter. And maybe also because Bellamy hurt her and upset her, by putting Madi in danger. She feels safe with him, now, on a logical level – she knows he will never do that again. But she supposes it's only natural that it might take her heart a little while to catch up with her head. Even she does not have the power to force her emotions into line like that.</p><p>"You're quiet tonight." He observes softly.</p><p>"Sorry." She looks up, finds his eyes warm and fixed on her. "Just thinking."</p><p>"Let me know if you want to talk about it." He offers, stretching his hand across the table so that it's now nearer her side than his.</p><p>He's been doing that a lot recently, and she likes it. She likes the idea that he's inviting her to reach out if she needs something to hold onto, but that he's not going to try to make the choice for her. It's everything that has always been great about the way they work together, summed up in one simple gesture.</p><p>This evening, she does take him up on that implicit invitation. She doesn't go mad and try to clasp his hand or anything, just lets her fingers dance softly across his knuckles.</p><p>Yeah, there's no way in hell this is platonic, and she's pretty sure they must both realise that.</p><p>"How's Octavia?" She asks. He doesn't talk about her as much as she might have expected, given the circumstances.</p><p>"I'm not sure. She says she's fine. She's been spending more time with Monty than with me, it feels like."</p><p>"Oh?" Clarke asks, simply to encourage him to keep talking. It seems a better idea than pointing out that she already noticed that.</p><p>"She says she likes farming." He shrugs. "Said something this morning about making up for the hydrofarm. And I think they talk about Jasper sometimes too."</p><p>"That's good."</p><p>"Yeah." He pauses, takes a deep breath. "She wants to spend the day with me tomorrow. She asked if we could maybe go on a proper expedition, go find some rabbits in that patch of scrub land or whatever."</p><p>Clarke nods calmly, flutters her fingertips over his knuckles again. "OK. And what did you say to that?"</p><p>"I said yes. She – she looked so excited about it, Clarke. Almost like she was a kid again." His voice is growing thick with tears, so she steels herself to actually take his hand in hers and squeeze gently. "I couldn't say no when she was being like that. But now I have to spend a whole day with her, and I don't know if I'm ready for that."</p><p>"You'll be OK, Bellamy. She knows you're going to find it difficult – she won't be expecting the world. You could say a couple of things about the weather and then not talk for the rest of the day and I'm pretty sure she'd still be happy that you were up for spending the time with her at all."</p><p>He gives a tight laugh. "You're probably right. We can always fall back on complaining about getting sand in our socks."</p><p>She smiles what she hopes is an encouraging smile. "Sounds great."</p><p>They resume their chess game for a few moments. Clarke has rather more pieces on the board than Bellamy does, but winning is not exactly the point of these games they play. It's an exercise in spending time together, in having something to occupy their hands and their gazes when they're talking about the difficult issues. And Clarke likes to think it's become a little ritual of theirs, too, a kind of shared reference to that first night they rebooted their friendship and started loving each other all over again.</p><p>Based on the content smile gracing Bellamy's face as he runs his thumb over the back of her hand, it seems like he more or less agrees with her.</p><p>Yeah, that's right. She's still holding his hand, and it feels an awful lot like victory.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is still feeling less than confident about the idea of spending the day with his sister, but he's doing better since talking it over with Clarke last night. So it is that he gets on with preparing to face the day, dressing and lacing his boots, then stands around at the front door and waits for Clarke and Madi to join him.</p><p>When they're ready, he opens the door and starts walking. That seems like a perfectly normal and sensible thing to do, if the three of them are to go to breakfast together. But he's barely made it four paces when he realises that Clarke and Madi have not joined him. Spinning on the spot he sees them, still standing on the threshold, staring at the horizon with alarm written all over their faces.</p><p>"What is it? What's wrong?" He asks, panicked.</p><p>"You're not going out with your sister today. There's a sandstorm coming." Clarke informs him, utterly certain and audibly distressed.</p><p>"A sandstorm?" He squints at the sky. "How can you tell?"</p><p>"We just can." Madi offers, as if that explains anything.</p><p>"Trust me." Clarke says, emphatic. "Trust me when I say there's a sandstorm on the way."</p><p>He walks back to the door, tries for a more gentle expression. "I do trust you, of course I do. So there's a sandstorm coming. What do we do?"</p><p>All at once, Clarke kicks into decision-making mode. "I'm going to stay here and make sure the windows are sealed. I'd never get to the ship and back on time with the crutches. You and Madi should go fetch enough food and water for us for the next day. Tell everyone else to do the same thing – they normally last less than twelve hours, but it's best to stock up a little just in case."</p><p>"Food and water, warn everyone else. Got it." With that he offers her one last smile and starts walking, beckoning to Madi to join him. He figures from the urgency in Clarke's voice that they had better get going.</p><p>"And Bellamy? Bring your sister back here with you. She's going to be devastated to miss out on your trip and she shouldn't be alone at her place all that time until the storm is gone."</p><p>"Are you sure?" He asks, because that seems more polite than asking Clarke if she has lost her mind.</p><p>"Yeah. It'll be OK, Bellamy. It's better than leaving her on her own, isn't it?"</p><p>He briefly considers pointing out that Echo will be alone, too. If Clarke is up for inviting his murderous baby sister over for the next twenty-four hours, it seems likely that she'd want his murderous ex-girlfriend to join the party as well. That's just the kind of excessively kind-hearted person she is. But he figures that there will be enough awkward tension in the house already without Echo's company. And yeah, sure, he still cares about her in his way and worries about her at times like this, but he decides she can hang out with Monty and Harper or something and that will be fine.</p><p>None of these people are his responsibility, he reminds himself firmly. Madi is, on occasion, and he likes to take it on himself to take care of Clarke as much as she'll let him. But he doesn't need to go out of his way to worry about the rest of the human race right this second.</p><p>With that resolved, he agrees with Clarke, and takes Madi down the road in search of their friends. They make short work of running their urgent errands, and Octavia is delighted to be invited to their home for the duration of the storm, so it is not long before they are heading back into the house once more.</p><p>They enter, and set down the supplies they have brought. He asks Clarke whether she managed with the windows, and she confirms that she did.</p><p>And then the silence hits them.</p><p>This is it, he frets, gaze flickering between Clarke and Octavia and Madi. This is all three of the women he loves the most in the world, in one house at one time. And this is them realising that they're stuck here together, for anything up to twenty-four hours, with absolutely nothing to say to each other.</p><p>Madi saves them. She saves people a lot, that kid – must have inherited it from Clarke.</p><p>"We should play a game!" She declares, full of spirited enthusiasm that Bellamy thinks is only a little staged.</p><p>"A game?" Octavia sounds confused. It's a long time since her lily pad days, Bellamy muses sadly.</p><p>"We play a lot of games in this house." Clarke offers, apologetic. "Chess, drawing, charades. There's not a lot else to do in the evenings, is there?"</p><p>Octavia nods carefully. "We used to play a lot of games when I was a kid. Bellamy's terrible at charades. He gets frustrated when no one understands him." She offers, with a cautious glance at him to see whether that comment was allowed.</p><p>He nods, then, smiling what he hopes is a reassuring smile.</p><p>Madi snorts. "No problem with that here. I swear Clarke can read his mind."</p><p>"They've always been like that. Get used to it." Octavia recommends, waving a hand in mock-exasperation.</p><p>Well, now. He did not expect to sit here and watch Octavia and Madi bond over his unusual relationship with Clarke.</p><p>Clarke appears to agree with that, stepping smoothly in. "Why don't we play a game, then?"</p><p>"The drawing game." Madi demands. "We have enough for two teams of two."</p><p>There's an excruciating pause. Madi may be a child, but she's not so very young and she is rather bright. Bellamy thinks, therefore, that she cannot be oblivious to the awkwardness of her suggestion. How exactly are they to make two comfortable teams of two, between a family of three and one person who recently hurt them all?</p><p>"I can pair with Octavia." Clarke volunteers, and he could kiss her for that. Obviously he's quite keen on the idea of kissing her in general, but the impulse is so strong, in this moment, that he can barely stop himself. She's always saving him from his demons, this woman. She's been doing it for almost seventeen years now, and she shows no sign of giving up any time soon.</p><p>"Great. I'll pair with Bellamy. That way each team has someone who can actually draw." Madi decides.</p><p>He tries to brighten the atmosphere with a little teasing. "I can draw, Madi. Didn't you say that was a great drawing of the rover, the other day?"</p><p>She rolls her eyes. "Yeah. But then you told me it was supposed to be a horse."</p><p>Octavia laughs at that, and it's the best sound he's heard in years.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke is relieved when the sandstorm doesn't last long. Partly because a lengthy storm would cause further damage to the homes they have only just started to repair, and in particular to the flimsy plastic that currently serves as window panes, but largely because she's not sure how much longer she can continue pasting on a smile and trying to create a comfortable atmosphere for this reconciliation with Octavia.</p><p>As it is, the storm has blown itself out by early afternoon. Octavia thanks them for their warm welcome and says she thinks she'll head to see Monty, and the family of three are left in their living room, trying not to sigh too loudly in relief.</p><p>Well, she and Bellamy are preoccupied with that. Madi is just looking longingly out of the window.</p><p>"Go on." Clarke waves her hands at the girl. "Go run around out there. Get Bellamy to take you to see the tower or something. You're acting like you've been cooped up for days."</p><p>Madi frowns. "Sorry. I can sit still. I just – it looks lovely out. Really sunny."</p><p>Bellamy is already at the door, opening it and taking a long look outside. Clarke is pleased to note that he seems to have stopped being surprised by being invited to take a somewhat paternal role in Madi's life.</p><p>But then he's closing the door, stepping back and shaking his head firmly.</p><p>"No way. It's so hot out there – is it always like this after sandstorms?"</p><p>Clarke nods, unimpressed. The weather on Earth is pretty extreme these days. She and Madi have had six years to get used to that.</p><p>"You can't go out now, Madi. You'll get sunburn." Bellamy insists, visibly distressed. Clarke resists the temptation to roll her eyes. She knows Bellamy is just overreacting because he's still struggling with the guilt of the last time he put Madi in danger. But really, freaking out like this over a little hot weather? They have all survived far worse, before now.</p><p>Madi, meanwhile, is pouting. "I don't burn that easily."</p><p>Bellamy's still frowning. "Madi -"</p><p>"She can wear a hat." Clarke snaps, exasperated. "She can wear a hat, and you can wear one too. And you can take plenty of water and stick to the shade."</p><p>Bellamy looks like she's just slapped him again. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean -"</p><p>"It's OK." She sighs. She doesn't recognise this anxious mess of a man – he's not the Bellamy she knows and loves. They're doing well, the pair of them, but parenting is never easy – and parenting when they once hurt each other because of this very child is the hardest thing of all. "Madi? Could you go look for your hat for a second?" She asks sweetly. It's a very transparent ruse to get her out of the room, but the child just nods and leaves.</p><p>She counts to five, waits for Madi to be out of earshot.</p><p>But Bellamy speaks first. "I'm sorry – I feel like whenever I try to make a decision about Madi it's the wrong one."</p><p>"Didn't I say almost exactly that to you, the other week, when I was wondering about waking her up?" Clarke reminds him, gentle.</p><p>He looks shocked at that, slow realisation dawning in his eyes. "You did, yeah."</p><p>"You're doing great. Just – you can be yourself, you know? You can be yourself and get on with doing what you think is right, or talking it over with me if you're not sure. And you don't have to apologise any more. We've both forgiven you."</p><p>He nods, jaw firm, face set in a frown.</p><p>She decides that she's going to have to be even more honest. "It looks to me like you've lost faith in your ability to raise a kid, between everything Octavia's done and that one mistake with Madi. But Octavia's choices are not your fault. And from what I've seen these last couple of weeks, there's nothing wrong with your parenting skills at all."</p><p>His eyes dart up at that, locking onto her gaze. She realises that she just used the word <em>parenting</em>, and that maybe that was a mistake. It implied a dynamic to his role in Madi's life that they haven't openly discussed, and that it isn't fair to presume.</p><p>But that's not what he wants to talk about, it turns out. "You are – I -" He stops, swallows loudly. "Thank you." He concludes, in the end, dashing a hand across his eyes.</p><p>"You're welcome." She says, because <em>no problem</em> would not do justice to her feelings right now, she thinks. She'd gladly talk him down from his own self-loathing any day of the week – she just wishes he didn't hate himself quite so much in the first place, but that's more of a long-term project, and they're working on it, she likes to think.</p><p>She tries for a small smile. "Go on. Take her to look at the tower. Let her tell you some more stories about all the times you <em>saved me</em>."</p><p>"She does seem to like those stories." He agrees, a little brighter.</p><p>"If we're being honest, I like them too." She admits, grinning at him. "Get going. Bring me back a concrete pebble as a souvenir." She challenges cheerfully.</p><p>"Maybe I'll bring you back a bunch of flowers."</p><p>She snorts. "Good luck with that. There haven't been flowers in Polis for years."</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy feels distinctly smug, walking back into the house a couple of hours later with a bunch of limp flowers clutched in his fist. Madi is positively bouncing with joy – she seems even more excited than he is that their mission was successful.</p><p>"Clarke!" Madi calls, even as he is opening the door. "Come see, Clarke! Bellamy got you something!"</p><p>Clarke is already there, of course, because there's not many other places she could be in this small house. She looks up from the table where she has evidently been drawing.</p><p>When she sees the flowers, her jaw literally drops in surprise. "You found some?" She asks, although presumably that is obvious.</p><p>"Yeah. They're not the greatest looking, sorry. But yeah – flowers."</p><p>He hands them over to her, rather abruptly. He's not given a girl flowers before – they weren't exactly available on the Ark, and the opportunity has never previously presented itself on the ground. But he knows his old Earth literature, so he's aware that giving Clarke flowers is an overtly romantic gesture. It's probably foolish to worry about such things, when they literally live together and stare at each other's lips all the damn time and she even said he was <em>parenting</em> her daughter a couple of hours ago, but all the same, it feels like a big deal.</p><p>Clarke doesn't make a big deal of it, though, and he's not sure whether he's relieved or disappointed. Or rather, she doesn't make a big deal about the <em>gesture</em> – she does make plenty of fuss about the fact the flowers exist at all.</p><p>"Thanks, Bellamy. These are lovely. Where did you find them?"</p><p>"There's a place behind the tower. I guess it's more sheltered there."</p><p>She nods. "That makes sense. We should tell Monty – he might want to see what else will grow there."</p><p>"Yeah." He didn't bring her flowers for them to spend the afternoon talking about Monty, but he supposes that's how it is. At least she seems to like the flowers.</p><p>In fact, as the day draws on, he becomes increasingly convinced that she <em>really</em> likes the flowers. She sketches them for most of the rest of the afternoon, and then when they go to the ship for supper she tells their friends about them at least three times over. That's interesting, he decides – it hardly seems likely that she would be almost boasting about him bringing her flowers if she wasn't at least somewhat interested in the romantic symbolism of his decision.</p><p>He wonders how Echo is taking all this, and considers whether maybe he's supposed to ask her, just check in with her that she's OK with him moving on so publicly. But she spends most of the meal talking to Monty and Octavia about farming, and the one time she does meet his eye, her smile looks genuine.</p><p>He doesn't particularly associate either farming or genuine smiles with his ex-girlfriend, but he decides he has enough going on in his life right now without dwelling on it.</p><p>It's growing late by the time Bellamy, Clarke and Madi are approaching their own front door once more. They stayed a while to chat with their friends after supper, and Clarke still can't go the direct route because of the rubble, so it's been a long journey. He's actually wondering whether he ought to have volunteered to carry her home, but he suspects she would have found that patronising.</p><p>On entering the house, Clarke sits straight down on her bed. She really does look tired, he frets – maybe he ought to have carried her after all.</p><p>"I should have grabbed my sketchbook before I sat down." She laments, laughing at herself a little.</p><p>Bellamy goes to get it, but Madi beats him to it, picking up the sketchbook and wandering over to Clarke's mattress. She sits herself down at Clarke's side.</p><p>"Can I look at what you've been drawing all day?" She asks.</p><p>"Sure." Clarke agrees easily. Bellamy gets the feeling that this is something they used to do in Shallow Valley, drawing and then reviewing their work together, before he wandered back into their lives.</p><p>"You've drawn the flowers a lot." Madi observes.</p><p>He thinks he sees Clarke blush slightly, which is new. "Yeah. They're lovely flowers, aren't they?"</p><p>"They look even better in your drawings. Here, Bellamy. Come look at these." Madi invites him, gesturing at the empty space on the mattress on Clarke's other side.</p><p>He agrees, but only because he doesn't want to upset Madi, obviously. He's not altogether sure about sitting on Clarke's bed – she still seems less relaxed about personal space than she used to be, before all those years apart, and sitting on her bed surely has to be the ultimate intrusion. It's not a big space, either, but he makes do as best as he can, settling into it and ensuring that he's keeping his distance from Clarke as far as possible.</p><p>She doesn't appear to feel the need to shuffle away from him, so that's something.</p><p>"Aren't they good drawings?" Madi prompts him, gesturing at one of the sketches.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, great." His voice comes out hoarse, and he swallows thickly. He needs to get his attraction to Clarke under control – Madi is right there, after all.</p><p>"Thanks." Clarke murmurs.</p><p>"It's true. Madi was right – they look better in your drawings than they do in real life." He gestures to the sad flowers, still on the table in the centre of the room.</p><p>"Thanks." She repeats, even quieter.</p><p>There's a moment of silence, stretched taut between them. Sixteen years ago, Bellamy would have reached an arm round Clarke's shoulders if ever they found themselves in a situation like this. But he's not sure about doing that, right now.</p><p>All at once, Madi is jumping to her feet, clapping her hands on her thighs for good measure. "You know, I think I'm going to head to bed early. I guess I'm tired out from all that walking earlier. You guys have fun."</p><p>With that, she darts from the room, leaving the silence feeling somehow even thicker in her wake.</p><p>Bellamy clears his throat, has a go at speaking. "Why do I get the feeling she's trying to set us up?" He asks – or rather, croaks.</p><p>He doesn't know what answer he's expecting. A nervous giggle, perhaps. Then they could laugh off this whole awkward moment – although he hopes they wouldn't be laughing off the idea of the two of them ever getting together at all. Failing laughter, perhaps a dismissive comment, about how kids will be kids, and then an invitation to play chess?</p><p>Whatever he's expecting, it is certainly not this.</p><p>"Because she is. She knows how much I love you." Clarke says, matter of fact, as if it's a perfectly normal thing to just drop into conversation.</p><p>He blinks, once, twice, three times. Clears his throat a little. This doesn't appear to be a dream, and he doesn't think he's imagining things – Clarke is looking up at him, smiling a soft smile, eyes almost apologetic.</p><p>He does what any sane person would do, in this situation. He leans in to kiss her.</p><p>Only she doesn't kiss him back. It's even worse than that – she pulls away altogether, jolting as if shocked.</p><p>He panics, pure and simple, scooting away from her so quickly he almost falls off the bed. She did say she loved him. He was there. He heard it. Did she maybe mean it <em>platonically</em>? Not in a kissing sort of a way? No – that can't be right. They were talking about being set up, so she must have meant it romantically. Is she -</p><p>"I'm sorry." She mutters, and she sounds distressed. "I'm so sorry, I can't. I want to – I've wanted to for <em>years</em>. But it's like I've forgotten how." She laments, tears beginning to spill from her eyes.</p><p>"Hey. Hey, it's OK. It's fine, Clarke. We can work it out." He tries to get his panic back under control, attempts what he hopes is a gentle smile. He needs to be calm for her, now, it seems.</p><p>She sniffs a little, nods frantically, but she still won't meet his eye.</p><p>"I love you, too." He murmurs softly. "I should probably have started with that, huh? I love you so much, and I love living here with you and Madi. It's everything I've ever wanted. And hearing you love me makes me really happy, OK? So anything else would just be a bonus, not something to worry about."</p><p>She shuffles along the bed a little, not close enough to touch him, but no longer so very far away. And then she has a go at speaking.</p><p>"I'm sorry. It's the stupidest thing. I want a proper relationship with you. You have no idea how hot you look in the mornings." She manages a small smile. "I just – it's so overwhelming, you know? No one has touched me in <em>years</em>, not like that anyway. And – I have forgiven you, and I don't want you to apologise again. But I'm still learning how to feel safe with you again. And trying to figure all this out with a broken leg while I'm frustrated with my body is just – yeah."</p><p>"That's OK. That's fine. I get that. And I'm going to tell you I'm sorry one more time, but then I really will stop."</p><p>That startles a damp laugh out of her. She leans in, just enough that her arm is pressed against his. Even that is sending him dizzy with excitement, somehow, now that he's heard her say she loves him. He wonders about calling her out on what she said about a <em>proper relationship</em>, because he's pretty sure that what they already have – that teamwork and deep understanding – is an <em>awesome</em> relationship in its own right. Anything she feels able to add in the way of sex will just be the icing on top of an utterly incredible cake, he decides.</p><p>But it seems like she maybe doesn't want a spirited argument right now. It seems like she wants affection and companionship, and he can do those things, too. He sits there, steady and breathing with her, letting her feel his warmth.</p><p>"Can we try just hugging first?" Clarke asks, voice small.</p><p>"Sure we can." He reaches out, wraps his arms around her slowly, giving her plenty of time to adjust or to pull away if she needs to. "This OK?"</p><p>"This is perfect." She says, sounding more confident than he has heard her since they started this conversation.</p><p>He thinks she might be right there, actually. He thinks <em>perfect</em> is exactly the word he would use.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It feels a little weird to be posting this when all I really want to do is freak out about the new episode and write fic about it, but it's been too long since I updated so here we go! Huge thanks to Stormkpr for betaing this as always. Please note the change of rating. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke wakes up smiling the following morning. That's something that hasn't happened to her much on the ground to date, and the cynic in her wonders how long it will last. But then she looks over at Bellamy, snoring lightly and spreadeagled over his mattress, and decides that probably her happiness will last for as long as he and Madi are both alive and well and living in this home with her.</p><p>It's still early, so she reaches for her sketchbook. Drawing her memories of Shallow Valley seems like a good activity to occupy her hands while she works through the emotions she's feeling after that conversation she had with Bellamy last night.</p><p>She's feeling joy more than anything else, of course. Joy that Bellamy loves her, that the two of them and Madi can embrace their identity as a family at last. Joy that she can now hug him whenever she feels like it with no judgement, kiss him or even take it further if she can summon the courage.</p><p>She's feeling pretty frustrated though, too. Frustrated that she's gone and broken her leg just as she and Bellamy are finally on the same page, and she's pretty sure he's not going to want to sleep with her for the first time with her leg in a cast. More than that, she's frustrated that sleeping with him still seems to be a long way off for other reasons, too. She's still feeling distinctly twitchy at the idea, and more than a little ashamed of her body in its current broken state.</p><p>And then on top of all that, she's feeling sexually frustrated too. Bellamy is overwhelmingly attractive, as far as she's concerned, and she cannot believe her luck that he's apparently into her in that way too. She just wishes she could break through all the barriers standing in her way.</p><p>It's going to take time and careful planning. She knows this, because she is pragmatic to her core. She's realised she's more comfortable when she's setting the pace and taking the initiative in their physical contact, so she should do more of that. And she should carry on spending plenty of good quality time with Bellamy to break down the last of that fear she still feels for what he did in Polis. And as long as they carry on with that sensible approach, they'll work their way to that happy ending that hangs so tantalisingly over their heads, just now.</p><p>Once she's got her relationship with Bellamy on a more stable footing, there are other things to worry about too, of course. Her mother, Kane, and the human race, for starters. But she has learnt the hard way in her time on Earth that she cannot solve every problem all at once.</p><p>She's not got far with her drawing. It was supposed to be a sketch of Madi picking berries, but her mind has been on other things. Bellamy is stirring now, so Clarke sets the sketchbook to one side and watches him wake up.</p><p>"Morning." She greets him, as his eyes blink open.</p><p>He smiles over at her, head still on his pillow. "Hey."</p><p>He raises himself onto an elbow, yawns a little. He's never looked better, Clarke's pretty sure. Yeah, she has a soft spot for the clean-shaven young man with the fluffy curls she used to know. But this bearded Bellamy loves her, so that automatically makes him the most beautiful he's ever been, she decides.</p><p>"You want to come over here so we can say good morning properly?" She asks, embarrassed that the state of her leg means she has to demand he comes to her. "I mean, I would come to you, but -"</p><p>"Sure." He interrupts her smoothly, already getting to his feet. He crosses the distance to her mattress and takes a seat at her side.</p><p>He's not touching her, and that's something she wants to rectify. In fact, she wants more than that – she wants to gather her courage and have a go at something new.</p><p>She stretches towards him and presses her lips to his in a quick kiss. It's brief to say the least – so fleeting it barely counts, she fears – but it's beautiful in its own way, and it has both of them grinning like teenagers in the heat of a crush.</p><p>It's not bad for a first kiss, all things considered. Neither of them is dead, or dying, or in imminent danger of death, which makes it a hell of a lot better than their first kiss might have been, given the things they've lived through together.</p><p>When she pulls away from the kiss, she doesn't go right back to her side of the mattress. She hangs around, leaning into Bellamy's side, hoping he'll get the hint.</p><p>He does. He puts an arm around her shoulders, leans his cheek against the top of her head with a happy sigh.</p><p>"I love you." He murmurs, because that's a thing they're allowed to say to each other now.</p><p>"I love you too."</p><p>There's a pause. She's sure he must want to say something about the kiss – only last night she was telling him she could hardly bear to touch him – and she gets the sense that he might be fishing for the right words.</p><p>She decides to help him out with that.</p><p>"I hope that was OK. It's easier for me when I initiate, when I feel like I'm in control of what's happening to me." She explains, a little self-conscious but deciding it will be worth it in the long run if she pushes through her discomfort now.</p><p>"It was great." He sounds cheerful to say the least, so that's something. "I just wasn't expecting it after last night. But yeah, good start to the day." He swallows loudly. "I want to help you out with this, so let me know what I can do, OK? Tell me how I can make you comfortable."</p><p>"What you're doing is great. Just – being here, loving me. Letting me work it out."</p><p>He nods. "Can you believe this is happening? I keep thinking it's too good to be true. All those years and now here we are, together and talking about everything."</p><p>"Yeah. I know what you mean. I always hoped we had it in us, but it's weird being at peace long enough for it to come together."</p><p>He lets out a hollow laugh. "Yeah. Come on, no talking about the past this morning. Today is for happiness only, got it?"</p><p>"I could agree to that."</p><p>"Great. So – what's next for us? How do we do this?" He sounds more excited than unsure, and that makes her heart do giddy somersaults in her chest.</p><p>For once in her life, she allows herself to act on impulse. She's happy here, basking in a moment of warmth with the man she has loved for years, and she makes a snap decision that matches the mood of the moment.</p><p>"What's next is you move your mattress over this side of the room. We're going to need a double bed."</p><p>"You sure?" She can hear what he's really asking – whether she is honestly ready for this, given her current feelings towards sex.</p><p>"Positive. We've always been good at hugs, haven't we? We don't have to have sex worked out to spoon at night."</p><p>He hugs her tighter at those words, then seems to realise what he's doing and loosen his hold abruptly. She makes up for it, taking his hand so she can pull his arm snug around her. She really is feeling fine about hugging – hugging does not come with the same vulnerability and loss of control as sex, and besides which, hugging is something they practised a lot last night.</p><p>He clears his throat. "Then I guess I'll move the mattress."</p><p>She makes an agreeing noise and continues to enjoy the hug.</p><p>He clears his throat again. She wonders what's going on with that, but she supposes he'll tell her in time. He mostly does, even if it sometimes takes him decades to get around to sharing with her what's really on his mind.</p><p>At last he speaks. "I was wondering about the house. I mean – whether it's big enough. Should we move somewhere else? Or shall I ask Raven and Shaw if they can give me tips on building an extension? I don't want it to get awkward now we're together that our bedroom is also the living room. And if – you know – if we ever want to have more kids it would be too small." He concludes, voice a little wobbly, arm tense about her shoulders.</p><p>Well, now. Trust Bellamy to have jumped ahead to where they might house their future children.</p><p>"We've been together less than twelve hours and you're already planning the kids' bedrooms." She points out, tone affectionately teasing.</p><p>"But I've been planning the kids' bedrooms for a lot longer than twelve hours." He says, as if that's no big deal. As if that's the kind of thing you can just drop into a conversation like that.</p><p>She sighs. She's not sure how to go about answering that – she knows full well that they've both loved each other longer than twelve hours, but Bellamy's answer is tinged with regret and with a fair dose of that self-loathing she doesn't like at all.</p><p>"I know." She says, reaching up to press another kiss to his cheek. "Me too. But that's in the past now, OK? We can't get those years back. All we can do is make the future the best it can be."</p><p>"So that's a yes to kids and a bigger house?" He probes, with that teasing tone he has always used when joking about the things that really matter.</p><p>"Yeah. Definitely. We've had a big few hours, huh?"</p><p>All at once, he goes still. "Sorry. I'm not trying to rush you or overwhelm you."</p><p>She laughs, a buoyant carefree sound that she almost doesn't recognise as her own voice. She seems to laugh a lot more, since Bellamy moved into this house, she notes.</p><p>"It's fine, Bellamy. It's great. It's quick in some ways, but it's also been a long time coming. And I'm so, so happy." It's a struggle to get the last few words out, as she wells up with tears of joy.</p><p>"Me too." He agrees, squeezing her tight.</p><p>Well, then. Love, a double bed, kids, and a bigger house. It seems like they might have to explain a thing or two to Madi.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is pretty sure he's never been this happy. Even as a kid, he lived in poverty and fear for most of his childhood, so that was hardly carefree. No, this definitely wins – Clarke grinning at him, and kissing him, and loving him. Sure, it's not quite perfect. They're both still a little scared of love, and that means they have a couple of things to work out. But he knows they can do it – he's yet to find a problem the two of them cannot overcome by working together.</p><p>There's one thing left on his list, though, before he can relax and simply explore his new relationship with Clarke. He needs to talk to Madi.</p><p>He invites her out on an expedition to the tower. Clarke knows what he's doing and nods her approval, seeing them out of the door with high spirits.</p><p>"Take care. Love you." She pulls Madi into a hug, reaches up to kiss Bellamy on the cheek.</p><p>He's pretty sure he's blushing as he mutters some words of love in response. At least Madi won't be surprised by what he has to say, what with all the kissing and overt affection going on between him and Clarke so far today.</p><p>Without further ado, he sets off down the street, Madi almost skipping with excitement at his side.</p><p>"It's a lovely day. Isn't it a lovely day? Can we invite Jordan to come with us?" She asks, all enthusiasm.</p><p>"Maybe later. There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about first."</p><p>Madi slants him a look, and he remembers rather abruptly that she's going to be a teenager soon.</p><p>He presses on. "OK. So – Clarke and I have been talking about being together. About her and me trying a romantic relationship." He clarifies, falling over his ill-prepared words. "And I know it's just been you and her for a long time now. So I guess I wanted to check that would be OK with you."</p><p>"You're asking my permission to date Clarke?" Madi sounds positively gleeful at this turn of events.</p><p>"I guess I am. I just – I know that you're used to being a family of two and I don't want you to feel upset. You know you'll always be Clarke's priority."</p><p>"I'm not upset. I'm really happy for both of you." Madi smiles, drops the boisterous attitude for a moment. "I've been hoping for this for <em>years</em>, Bellamy. Since I was old enough to understand what love was and listen to her making those radio calls. I know you two are going to be really happy together." She swallows, eyes filling with tears she makes no attempt to conceal. "And – I'm going to be really happy to have two parents again."</p><p>He breaks, then, and pulls Madi in for a hearty hug. She's incredible, this daughter he seems to have acquired, and she has so much of Clarke's strength. But she needs to learn that it's OK to feel weak once in a while and ask for help, too.</p><p>Both of them need to learn that, now he thinks about it. Clarke's getting there, but maybe that can be a bit of a family project for all of them.</p><p>It's not a long hug, because he and Madi are not accustomed to being demonstrative with each other yet. But it clearly serves the purpose, and bolsters Madi's courage, because when she pulls away she has more to say.</p><p>"Clarke is the best mum. She's incredible, and she took great care of me. It's not that she <em>couldn't</em> do it without you. I just think it's nice for all of use that she doesn't have to any more."</p><p>"Yeah. I can agree with that."</p><p>Madi nods, brisk, wiping at her eyes. She keeps walking, and Bellamy takes that as his cue to set out for the tower again as well. They scramble over rubble in companionable silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts. Bellamy is thinking about how lucky he is, wondering what he did in a past life to deserve such pure good fortune after so many years of heartbreak.</p><p>Then Madi speaks up, her mood apparently buoyant once more.</p><p>"So go on, then – tell me when I'm getting my first little brother or sister?"</p><p>Bellamy throws back his head and laughs. It's amazing how much easier it is to laugh, on the ground. No, it's not really geography, he thinks – it's his family, piecing his heart and his happiness back together, one well-chosen word at a time.</p><p>…...</p><p>It doesn't take long for them to realise that pushing their mattresses together is, quite possibly, the best decision they've ever made. Clarke is aware that it sounds almost frivolous to say that, given all the important decisions they have taken between them regarding the fate of the human race, but this is a great choice on a completely different level.</p><p>It makes her feel warm and supported and safe, having Bellamy by her side each night. Given her life story, it is hardly a surprise that she is prone to nightmares and to fits of anxiety in the early hours, but with Bellamy right there, it is easier to get through any distress. His reassuring presence gives her hope that she might be able to step up and cope with the stress of being a leader once more, rather than only ever being a tired woman with a broken leg.</p><p>He seems to feel much the same. He hugs her a lot, which is lovely, and he grows more confident on that front when she explains that hugs seem to be fine now and he's welcome to initiate one whenever he feels like it. The best thing of all, though, is when she spoons him and just for a few moments she can feel him totally relax in her arms and leave his self-loathing to one side. It's a little physically awkward, what with the bulky cast on her leg, but they make it work.</p><p>This morning he's awake before her. That hasn't happened very often, since he started relaxing and sleeping well in their home, so her first impulse is that something must be wrong.</p><p>"Is everything alright?" She asks, worried.</p><p>"Everything's perfect. Just trying to get used to happiness." He tells her, smiling broadly.</p><p>She relaxes, then, and leans in to kiss him. They've been doing better at kissing, too, in recent days, but mostly just passing pecks on the lips or cheek, and mostly Clarke is the one who initiates them. This morning, however, she is feeling braver, so she cups a hand around the back of his neck and holds him close for a little longer.</p><p>He gets her message, of course, and welcomes her wholeheartedly. He even gets slightly braver himself, running his tongue softly along the seam of her lips, wrapping a hand around her upper arm to hold her in place.</p><p>"Is this OK?" He checks, after a couple of minutes.</p><p>"Great." She confirms easily.</p><p>She kisses him ever more deeply, then, wanting to make the most of her newfound confidence. They don't take it any further than kissing, and their hands stay very politely on cheeks or arms or backs of heads. But it still feels like a big step forward, and by the time she pulls away Clarke finds herself dizzy with success and exhilaration – and yes, also with desire.</p><p>"That was a nice start to the morning." Bellamy offers lightly, staring at her lips even though she'd have thought he might have had enough of them by now.</p><p>She's pretty flattered that he obviously hasn't, she decides.</p><p>"Yeah. That felt good." She pauses, runs a hand through his hair. And then she presses one last kiss to his lips, just because. "Come on. We should get up – Madi will be in here any moment."</p><p>He nods and leaves the bed, then offers her a hand to help her up. They get on with preparing for the day, dressing and heading to the bathroom where Raven's plumbing is now making their lives rather more comfortable. Before long, Madi joins them in the living room and the three of them set out for breakfast together.</p><p>Clarke is getting quicker at moving with the crutches, now, half way through her time wearing the cast. But she still finds it tiring, and she still prefers to keep her eyes on the uneven track ahead rather than allowing herself to be too distracted by what goes on around her. So it is that she mostly leaves Bellamy and Madi to their own devices while they walk – the two of them seem to be having a good-natured argument about whether Bellamy should extend the house they already have or look for a different one.</p><p>They arrive at the ship in good time for breakfast. As usual, their arrival is greeted with smiles and with the occasional curious expression, but with no overt comments about their living arrangements or the state of their relationship. Bellamy and Clarke haven't made a big announcement to their friends about getting together, but she suspects that some of them must have worked it out by now.</p><p>Sure enough, this morning Echo chooses to raise the issue almost as soon as the algae has been served.</p><p>"Congratulations, you two. I'm very happy for you." She says, evidently speaking to Clarke and Bellamy. Clarke isn't quite sure what to make of that – she doesn't know Echo very well at all, and so she's not sure whether the even tone Echo has used indicates that she is lying about her happiness, or just that she's not one to show her joy on her face.</p><p>"Thanks, Echo. That's kind of you." Bellamy offers, and Clarke does know him well enough to know that he means it. She therefore decides to take Echo's words at face value and add a polite response of her own.</p><p>"Yeah. Thank you. How did you know?"</p><p>"Know what?" Raven joins in, eyes narrowed.</p><p>"They're dating now." Madi offers, as if talking about a pair of teenagers on the Ark. Clarke's a little annoyed with her daughter for spilling their personal business like that, but in the grand scheme of things she supposes it doesn't matter much. It's not as if it was particularly a secret.</p><p>"Congratulations!" Monty offers.</p><p>"It's about time." Harper chimes in.</p><p>"Mum and dad always said you were meant to be together." Jordan says, apparently to the surprise of no one.</p><p>Emori wishes them well, and Miller and Jackson join in, and even Murphy is smiling, which is an interesting development. And as for Octavia – she seems positively overwhelmed with excitement. That surprises Clarke, given they were on opposite sides of a war just before they went into cryosleep.</p><p>"Congrats, big brother." She offers, beaming. "That's such good news. I know you two must be very happy."</p><p>Bellamy simply nods, evidently lost for words, and Clarke reaches out to take his hand under the table.</p><p>"You still haven't told us how you knew." Clarke says, focusing on Echo once more.</p><p>She shrugs. "I notice things. You're both happier, more relaxed. And you think we can't see you holding hands under the table but we can."</p><p>Clarke blushes, but makes no attempt to reclaim her hand.</p><p>"And I asked Madi, that cleared things up." Echo concludes with a glimmer of what Clarke might almost be tempted to describe as humour.</p><p>Testing her theory, Clarke has a go at laughing softly. Clearly that was the right thing to do – Bellamy chuckles too, and before long most of the table is giggling together. This is what it feels like to be amongst friends, she decides. It's fun, and she has a feeling she could do with having fun more often.</p><p>On impulse, she speaks up. "Harper, Monty – can I offer to take Jordan for the day? I'm sure Madi would love to have some company if she's going to be stuck sitting at home with me while Bellamy's out."</p><p>Harper nods right away. "If that's no trouble. Would you like that, Jordan?"</p><p>The child is practically bouncing in his seat. "Yes! Yes please, Auntie Clarke. Can we play the drawing game again?"</p><p>"Sure we can."</p><p>"And can we fix the windows? Auntie Raven has been teaching me how to do windows." He babbles, excited.</p><p>"If you like."</p><p>"And Madi, can we play tag? Can you play tag in a house? Or could we play tag just outside?"</p><p>Madi is fizzing with excitement now, too. "Clarke? Please can we play hide and seek?"</p><p>"I'm not sure the house is big enough for hide and seek, honey." Clarke offers, soothing.</p><p>"That's why we need to get a bigger house. You see, Bellamy – I told you!"</p><p>"We'll have a fun morning." Clarke summarises in a quelling tone.</p><p>The conversation moves on around them, then. Jordan is asking if he can borrow his dad's soccer ball for his morning out. Shaw is threatening to host some soccer lessons for the kids. Murphy is pretending that he has no interest in helping to teach the kids soccer, and is failing miserably.</p><p>Under the cover of all the cheerful bustle, Bellamy leans close and whispers in Clarke's ear.</p><p>"You sure you're going to be OK at home with those two until I get back?"</p><p>She grins at him. "We'll be fine. Stop looking for excuses to miss the outing with your sister."</p><p>He frowns a little. "It's not that. I just – it's silly, but I don't want to miss out on you guys having fun together. I already missed years with you and Madi."</p><p>She can understand that. She leans into his side, sharing her warmth and her love, and has a go at reassuring him.</p><p>"If I know those two kids, we'll still be having fun by the time you get home. And I know you and Octavia will feel much better with each other if you can get out together this morning."</p><p>He nods and leans in, a questioning look in his eyes. She knows what he's asking. He's asking whether it's OK to kiss her in front of their friends, now that the news is out, and whether she's ready for him to occasionally initiate a kiss or two.</p><p>She gives him the slightest nod, and gets a rather lovely soft peck on the cheek for her trouble.</p><p>She wishes she'd realised love could be this simple years ago.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy doesn't know what he's expecting from spending the day with his sister. This will be the outing they rescheduled because of the sandstorm, so at least he supposes there ought to be some rabbit rather than only algae for supper. And he thinks that probably the news about him and Clarke going public is a good thing – that will give him and Octavia something to talk about, even if Clarke tends not to be her favourite person in the world.</p><p>No. He doesn't need to be worried about whether his sister and partner like each other. Octavia congratulated them over breakfast, and that's surely proof that she intends to be reasonable about this.</p><p>Octavia must read his apprehension in his face, as she takes up the theme of his new relationship almost before they have left the ship.</p><p>"I really am happy for you, big brother."</p><p>"Thanks. I appreciate that. I know Clarke hasn't always been your favourite person." He mutters, eyes fixed on the path ahead.</p><p>"But I'm pretty sure she's always been <em>your</em> favourite person." Octavia offers, with a teasing tone that makes her sound like the carefree young woman she could have been, had circumstances not conspired against her.</p><p>Bellamy makes an agreeing noise. For a moment, he is tempted to point out that Clarke wasn't always his favourite person, because for most of his life Octavia herself was his favourite person, albeit in a rather different way. But he keeps quiet on that front, because reminding her that he's no longer so unconditionally fond of her doesn't seem like it will help with their cheerful day trip and reconciliation.</p><p>In the end, he heads in a different direction. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't mean for you to find it out from Echo like that."</p><p>"It's OK. I get that I haven't exactly earned a place in your life where you'd trust me with your news, lately."</p><p>He nods, because it's the truth and he sees no sense in denying it.</p><p>Octavia carries on, smoothing over the awkward silence with apparent good cheer. "It seems like you have a really happy home, Bell. I enjoyed coming over to yours during the sandstorm. Madi's a great kid. And I never would have predicted during the war for Shallow Valley that Clarke and I would be laughing over that drawing game now."</p><p>"Yeah. We're really happy." He agrees, and somehow it is difficult to say the words even though they are true. He's just not used to the idea that he's allowed to be so happy, somehow, nor that he might tell his sister about it.</p><p>"That's great."</p><p>"How are you doing?" He asks, because he supposes he probably should.</p><p>"I'm doing OK. You know I've been helping Monty with the farm. And Echo's started joining us these last few days."</p><p>"I noticed that." He offers, noncommittal, because he hasn't even begun to decide how he feels about his somewhat-estranged sister and his ex-girlfriend hanging out together.</p><p>"I think – it's like we're maybe friends now." She offers, haltingly, and he knows that she is not talking about Monty. "That's a little strange, huh? I was awful to her when you were together. But – it turns out we have a lot in common."</p><p>"I guess." He's dubious, but he wants to encourage her to keep talking.</p><p>"We both know what it's like to hate ourselves, if nothing else. To do something so terrible we become someone we no longer recognise. To have all these regrets and not even know where to start dealing with them."</p><p>"By farming, apparently."</p><p>She nods. "Yeah. I just – I told her one day that farming was helping me. And now we can't get rid of her." She doesn't sound like she's complaining so much as she sounds confused that there is anyone on this Earth who wants to keep the former Blodreina company, he thinks.</p><p>He still doesn't know how he feels about any of this. He's going to have to think it through when he's not in the midst of an inherently stressful conversation with Octavia. Probably, he muses, it would be a good idea to talk it over with Clarke rather than letting his emotions get the better of him.</p><p>He's working out how to balance his head with his heart, since he got Clarke back, and he's feeling somewhat proud of himself for that.</p><p>He decides that he's had enough of talking about Echo, and about his sister's guilt, and moves on.</p><p>"I guess I need to find myself a job for when Clarke's back on her feet. Do you guys need more help on the farm?"</p><p>Octavia snorts out a brief, hollow laugh. "Bell, face it. Your job is working with Clarke, whatever she's doing. It's always been like that. Right now she's got a broken leg and you're following her around and making a fuss of her. But when she's back on her feet and ruling the world, you'll still be working with her. If we proved nothing else in that fight over Shallow Valley, we proved that she doesn't lead alone. The two of you do it together."</p><p>He frowns. He doesn't think of it that way. He thinks of himself as her deputy, or bodyguard, or right-hand man, not as an equal partner in running things.</p><p>But maybe that's a mindset he could learn to change, now that he's doing so well at getting his emotions onto an even keel. Now that Clarke is helping him to stay centred long enough to work out who he really is.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke considers herself a brave woman – and with good reason, she likes to think. She led a bunch of ill-prepared Skaikru around a hostile planet, then survived six years alone but for her young daughter. She's pretty certain there's nothing she cannot do, if she puts her mind to it.</p><p>Tonight she's going to put that theory to the test.</p><p>She's had a lovely evening with Bellamy and Madi. They played charades for a while, until that deteriorated into everyone just laughing at nothing in particular and Bellamy suggesting to Madi that she ought to go get some sleep. Clarke is happy to see Bellamy growing more confident in his parental role – enforcing bedtime is hardly a huge challenge, particularly given Madi's compliant behaviour, but all the same it's good that he has the courage to get on and say it without doubting himself, these days.</p><p>Now Madi has gone to bed, Bellamy and Clarke are sitting next to each other on their mattresses. She has her leg stretched out before her, but other than that she's relaxed in a comfortable position leaning into his shoulder.</p><p>"What now?" Bellamy asks. "Want me to grab the chessboard?"</p><p>Clarke takes a deep breath, gathers her courage. "I want to suck you off." She declares, abrupt, but at least she manages to get the words out.</p><p>He goes very still. "In general, you mean? Another time? Or – or now?"</p><p>"Now. If you want me to, of course." It occurs to her, rather suddenly, that she shouldn't have just presumed he would be interested right this second. "I mean, we can wait if you want to. I don't know if you want to – you know – does it bother you about my leg?" She rambles, flustered.</p><p>"Of course not. I want to. Very much. I was only asking because I don't want you to feel rushed. We can wait longer if you're still working things out."</p><p>"I'm ready." She tells him firmly. "I want to start with this because I know I'll be setting the pace. And it's just like kissing, right? Only with your cock."</p><p>He swallows loudly. Maybe she shouldn't have gone for quite such a graphic or blasé comment, there. But in her defence, she's trying to concentrate on keeping herself calm, in this moment. Bellamy's overexcitement is not her immediate priority.</p><p>He can evidently sense her nervousness. To be fair, she suspects that her anxiety is rather obvious, right now. Gently, slowly, he curves a hand around her cheek and tilts her face up so that he can look her right in the eyes.</p><p>"I love you. Just remember that for me, OK? And believe me when I say I want you whether your leg is in a cast or not. If you think you're ready and you think it's going to be practical with your leg, go for it."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>She nods. She can do this. "I love you." She reminds him, just to bolster her courage, and just because she doesn't like his reassurances to go unanswered.</p><p>She presses a soft kiss to his lips. And then she shuffles awkwardly down the bed, gets herself into the most comfortable position she can manage, and tugs his sleep shorts urgently down his legs.</p><p>That's when she realises her first mistake. She should have helped him undress before moving down here, because now she can't really get the shorts out of the way without moving herself, and she feels kind of stuck here like a pathetic one-legged beached whale.</p><p>He helps her out, because that's what they do for each other. He rolls out of the way, tugs his shorts over his legs and feet and throws them to the other side of the room.</p><p>"I figure I won't be needing those again tonight." He tells her, grinning. That helps her relax, too. He's always been good at that – lightening the load she feels bearing down on her with little moments of humour.</p><p>Feeling calmer, now, she gets to work. She's not done this very often before – she's had more women as lovers than men, in her life to date – and she wouldn't claim to be an expert. But it becomes very clear within seconds that it won't matter how experienced she is, today. Bellamy is staring down at her like he can't believe his luck, like he expects her to disappear in a second or like he fears it might all be a dream. And he's making up for her lack of expertise by giving clear and helpful feedback, groaning a loud groan whenever she takes him deep down her throat, muttering words of encouragement when she runs her lips over the head of his cock in just that particular way he evidently enjoys.</p><p>In some ways, the fact that she doesn't entirely know what she's doing and is having to think about it so hard is a good thing. By concentrating on her actions and his reactions, she avoids thinking about the almost overwhelming fact that she's finally taken this step with Bellamy, that they're learning how to let go in this particular way in each other's presence. As she focuses on the feel of him beneath her lips and against her throat, she doesn't have time to start panicking about what might happen when either one or both of them stops thinking straight through pleasure.</p><p>As things get heated, she starts to realise that there's nothing to worry about anyway. She's safe with Bellamy and he takes good care of her. That's a silly thought, when she's the one pleasuring him, but he's gentle with her. He doesn't grab at her hair or force himself deeper down her throat than she can cope with. He sits back, lets her do the work, and simply offers words and noises of encouragement.</p><p>"Feels good." He mutters, breathless, running his thumb over her cheek.</p><p>She pulls back, just for a second. "Is this going OK? You don't have to lie to spare my feelings."</p><p>"I wouldn't." He huffs out, and she giggles a little. That's true – they've always been honest with each other.</p><p>"So?"</p><p>"It's great. You're incredible. I love you."</p><p>He bends, awkwardly, and presses a kiss to her lips at a completely impossible angle, such that they both get a mouthful of teeth more than anything else. She wonders if it might be the hottest kiss she's ever experienced, actually.</p><p>"Now please will you finish what you started?" He asks, grinning.</p><p>She nods, flushing a little, and gets back to it. She's proud of him for asking for what he wanted, there. She's been worried that with her taking the lead while she finds her feet with all things sexual once more, he would put his own desires to the side. He's an annoyingly selfless guy like that, she's found.</p><p>It doesn't take her long to work him back up to where he was before that unscheduled pause. In fact, within minutes he is clearly careering rather closer to the edge of his control, panting loudly and threading his fingers through her hair.</p><p>It doesn't scare her like she thought it would. He's about to fall apart in front of her, and rather than making her panic and wonder what will happen when they're not thinking carefully, it makes her excited. She feels powerful, because she managed to make him feel this way. She feels desirable, and successful, and overwhelmingly joyful.</p><p>And she has to admit, she also feels thoroughly aroused.</p><p>She'll work on that another day. For today, she has achieved what she set out to do – she has interacted with Bellamy's cock and lived to tell the tale. She had that as her aim, rather than him coming down her throat, because she thinks it's important not to put that kind of pressure on either of them while they're still working this out.</p><p>But to be clear, he is definitely about to come down her throat, and that's utterly thrilling.</p><p>He falls apart, groaning her name, his hand still tangled in her hair. She was worried that she might feel trapped, if he took hold of her hair and held her against him like this, but it's quite lovely, actually. It really brings home the truth of the fact that she has brought him pleasure.</p><p>When he's done, he keeps his hand on the back of her head, and pulls her up for a kiss.</p><p>"You OK?" Of course, that's the first thing he says.</p><p>"Great. I really enjoyed that."</p><p>"Pretty sure I enjoyed it more." He argues with spirit.</p><p>She giggles a little, cuddles into his chest. "We should soundproof the wall between us and Madi's room." She suggests, not entirely joking.</p><p>"Or I should build that extension and our room can be on the other side of the house."</p><p>"I thought this started out as an extension so we could have more kids. When did it become an extension so we can have loud sex?" She teases him easily.</p><p>"When I realised how much I want to have loud sex with you." He replies, equally comfortable, kissing her again for good measure.</p><p>Clarke's known she wants to have loud sex with Bellamy for a while, of course. She's known it for years, if she's being truly honest. But today, for the first time ever, she honestly believes that it's going to happen – and before too long, if she has anything to do with it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to all the lovely people who left kind comments on the last chapter, and to Stormkpr for betaing this. I'm just going to drop this here and then run away squealing in excitement to write more fics about S7!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy cannot help but feel that playing chess with Clarke is a thousand times better now that their feelings are out in the open. He's never previously considered chess as an inherently romantic activity, but he has realised recently that it brings about plenty of opportunities for soft conversation, and a spot of hand-holding, and staring into each other's eyes.</p><p>Sometimes they even move chess pieces around on the board, too.</p><p>"If I'd known you were still alive I'd have learnt chess on the Ring." He tells her, tonight, with a sad smile.</p><p>"What did you do on the Ring?"</p><p>He's pleased she asked, actually. They've never discussed much of what everyday life was like, those six years they were separated, and he thinks it's past time they put that right.</p><p>"We ate algae, but you already knew that." They both giggle a little, despite the otherwise sombre mood of this conversation. "I read quite a lot, did some training with Echo and Harper. Murphy, too, until he and Emori fell apart and he – he started to struggle. What about you? What did you do on the ground?"</p><p>"Exactly what you'd expect – a lot of the time was taken up with finding food. I taught Madi a few basic lessons – reading and writing and Earth skills. I sketched when I had a little free time. And every afternoon I called you on the radio."</p><p>He nods, frowning hard. "You did. I'm sorry we didn't talk about that sooner." He swallows, uncomfortable at remembering his anger even though he knows everything is resolved between them now. "I think – I was scared of what they meant. Does that make sense? Talking about those radio calls would have meant admitting we loved each other. And I wasn't ready to do that, not when I'd left you behind to die and then we were angry with each other."</p><p>"I get that." She smiles, understanding, reaches out to hold his hand. "I wouldn't have wanted to talk about them at first, either. I was too embarrassed. I felt pathetic for calling you every day when it turned out you'd been happily finding a girlfriend."</p><p>He snorts without humour. "It wasn't quite like that. I don't think I was very fair to Echo."</p><p>She doesn't ask him to explain that further, and he's glad of it. They both know exactly what he's talking about, and that's that. She simply gets on with moving a knight in silence, and Bellamy responds by moving a rook in turn. He puts a whole five seconds' thought into it, too – he really is getting better at this pointless game.</p><p>Clarke speaks up again. "What would you have done if I'd refused to join you on the bridge that time? Back on the Eligius ship?"</p><p>"Probably cry." He admits, with the kind of raw honesty he's starting to get the hang of now he can be totally open with Clarke. "That's when Madi told me about the radio calls, just a couple of hours before that. I was desperate to start putting things right with you but trying not to be, and I just didn't know what to do. Inviting you to that meeting was the only thing I could think of that made sense to me right in that moment."</p><p>Clarke nods. She makes her next move. She takes a drink of water, offers him the bottle after her. He loves everything about this new relationship with Clarke, the domestic as well as the romantic, and he values these solemn moments of mutual support just as much as laughter and games with her and Madi.</p><p>The silence sits a little longer. The chess game stretches on, but Bellamy knows they are a long way off finishing yet. He's still holding Clarke's hand, rubbing a thumb absently against her skin, and he's proud of her for how much more confident she is with physical contact these days.</p><p>"What do you think we should do about the house?" Clarke asks him, after a while. "Move or extend this one? From what I've heard you say to Madi it seems like you want to stay here."</p><p>"Yeah. I really want to stay here." He swallows. "This house means a lot to me already, you know? This is the house where we got our relationship back on track and where Madi invited me to try parenting her and where you told me you love me. I can't imagine moving out."</p><p>He stares at the table, a little worried Clarke will think that's foolish and sentimental. Maybe she'll tell him he ought to think with his head, and not get attached to buildings that are impractical for his new family.</p><p>She does nothing of the kind.</p><p>"I get that." She says. "You know all those times I told you to use your head? It wasn't until I spent six years without you that I realised sometimes it's more important to follow your heart. If you think we can make this place work for us then let's stay here."</p><p>"I'd like that." He grins, leans across the table to kiss her briefly. He knocks over a few chess pieces in the process, and Clarke makes a great fuss of trying to work out where they should be replaced.</p><p>He humours her, and tries to help, because that's what love is.</p><p>"I can't start work on extending the house right away. I've told Miller I'll help him build a school." Bellamy offers, apologetic.</p><p>"A school?" Clarke blinks, visibly surprised, and he realises this must be the first she has heard of this relatively new scheme of Miller's.</p><p>"Yeah. He mentioned it to me yesterday. He's keen to take a lead on building a school. Kind of a tribute to the hundred, you know? So I said I'd help him out. I think he plans to ask Murphy, too."</p><p>"That's a really lovely idea."</p><p>"Yeah. But I just know he's going to give it a silly name. Something like <em>Camp Dropship</em> or <em>Arkadia Elementary</em>."</p><p>"It's great that he's got his sense of humour back after everything he went through in the bunker. But sometimes I wish his sense of humour was funnier." Clarke offers affectionately.</p><p>"I'll tell him you said that." He teases lightly.</p><p>Life is good. And one of these days, he might even beat Clarke at chess.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke never knew love could be like this.</p><p>Her romances with both Finn and Lexa were frantic, panicky, frightening things, falling hard and fast and then nearly breaking when each relationship ended and left her to hit rock bottom.</p><p>But her relationship with Bellamy is not like that, not in the slightest. It feels steady, for all that it is still relatively new. That foundation of firm friendship makes her feel safe with him. And it's more about joy than desperation, more about hope than fear.</p><p>It has her grinning to herself, now, as she makes her way to medical, despite the burn in her shoulders from both sun and exertion.</p><p>"Are you doing OK?" Jackson asks her, smiling warmly, on her arrival.</p><p>"I'm doing great." She says, because actually, she is. "You?"</p><p>"Yeah." He nods, narrows his eyes at her consideringly. "You're moving more confidently." He observes.</p><p>Clarke nods. She thinks his words were well-chosen – she's more competent with the crutches, these days, and has more faith in the strength of her upper body. But she has more faith in herself full stop, really. She likes to think that confidence suits her – she knows Bellamy always says it does.</p><p>"What can I help you with today?" She asks, keen to get on with being useful.</p><p>"I just wanted to invite you to take a look around and give me a second opinion because I think this place is about ready to be used." He explains.</p><p>"It looks good." She's been here on and off quite a lot recently, but now that Jackson is suggesting that the med centre is ready, she finds that she is looking at it with new eyes.</p><p>"It does, doesn't it? Come on, let's take a proper look at everything."</p><p>They are extremely thorough for the next couple of hours. They peer into every corner, open every closet. They discuss every possibility – will they find the distance between the operating theatre and the wards inconvenient or annoying? How much medication will they want to stock on site when they are truly open for patients?</p><p>The answer to that, they conclude, is basically <em>as much as they can make or find</em>. Running a med centre in the aftermath of an apocalypse is bound to be a bit of a logistical challenge, but Clarke has to admit that this place looks about as perfect as any such facility could.</p><p>"You're right." She declares, when their tour is complete. "It's great. We're ready to go." She doesn't expect that to mean much, while everyone is still in cryosleep, but it feels good to say it all the same. There's a sense of completion, of having achieved the first step on the road to rebuilding a functioning settlement here.</p><p>Jackson nods. He sucks in a loud breath. He frowns a little.</p><p>"What is it?" Clarke asks. She's known this man for years – he's a close family friend, after all, through his work with her mother. So she knows when he's debating whether to say something.</p><p>"Do you think we should wake Abby?" He asks softly. "We have everything set up here ready to operate on Kane. And you must miss her." He swallows. "I know I do."</p><p>Clarke considers her answer. She does miss her mother, obviously she does. But she's trying to build a new life here with her little family, and trying to contend with a broken leg, too. She loves her mother, and she's determined to help her through her addiction and scrub in for Kane's surgery when the moment comes.</p><p>But that strongly pragmatic part of her brain insists that this is not that moment.</p><p>"I don't think it's the right time yet." Clarke replies. "I do miss her, you're right. But I want to be able to support her as well as possible when we wake her, and I want to be able to help with Kane's surgery. So I think we should wait until my leg is healed and we've got one less thing to worry about."</p><p>Jackson nods, eyes sad, but clearly understanding the wisdom of her answer.</p><p>Clarke hesitates for a moment. She frowns to herself slightly. And then she hobbles forwards and pulls Jackson into a heartfelt hug.</p><p>He stiffens, surprised, for just a moment, but then he hugs her back, somewhere between warmly and politely. Clarke really feels for him. He doesn't have a lot of people he's close to, besides Miller and her mother. She figures maybe she's not the only one who sometimes needs reminding that they still have a found family, here on the ground.</p><p>"She'll be back with us before you know it." Clarke offers, as they separate. She's not sure whether she's talking about cryosleep, or the addiction, or maybe a bit of both.</p><p>"Yeah. I know." Jackson blinks rapidly. "Thanks, Clarke. That was what I invited you here for. If you want to go get on with your day I can stay here and take that inventory we talked about."</p><p>Clarke knows a request for some time alone when she hears it. She agrees, and with one last smile, she starts to take herself home.</p><p>This morning has given her a lot to think about – and a lot to talk through with Bellamy, she decides. She's got her mother's return to look forward to, and fret about, and Kane's surgery too. Sure, it's on hold for a couple more weeks, but it's going to happen and she needs to prepare herself.</p><p>In the meantime, now that the med centre is ready, she finds that she has something else to think about, too. She might not be ready to wake her mother and Kane and incur all the stress and major operation that will bring. But there's another procedure, rather simpler but perhaps even more important to her, that Jackson can easily manage alone.</p><p>She thinks maybe it's time for Madi to have the flame removed.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy knows that something is wrong when Clarke asks to speak to him, that afternoon. They do not go around <em>asking</em> to speak to each other – they simply open their mouths and words come out, in his experience. Talking has always been something the two of them do very well, and very naturally, and without anything as foolish as asking for permission. It feels like she's trying to book an appointment with him, almost, and that scares him.</p><p>He wonders what on Earth it could be. Is she unhappy in their relationship? No, he's convinced it's not that. Has his sister made her feel uncomfortable? Is she worried about Madi?</p><p>Needless to say, he agrees to speak to her, and then sends Madi to play with Jordan for the afternoon under Monty's watchful eye on the farm.</p><p>He and Clarke sit on their bed, side by side, and he reaches a supportive arm around her shoulders.</p><p>"What's wrong?" He asks, deciding that this is no place for pretending he cannot tell something is troubling her.</p><p>"Nothing." He doesn't believe her, so he hugs her a little tighter and waits for her to come out with it. "It's not that anything's <em>wrong</em>, really." She continues. "It's something that could be a good thing."</p><p>"OK."</p><p>She sucks in a breath. "Do you think Madi should get the flame removed?"</p><p>He stiffens at once. He doesn't mean to, but he can't help it. This is all his fault – he's the one who put that chip in the head of the girl he now considers a daughter, and now Clarke is upset about it all over again.</p><p>"I don't think I'm the best person to answer that." He says, as neutral as he can.</p><p>"Please, Bellamy. I want to talk to you about it. Really." She leans into him a little. "I want your honest opinion."</p><p>He gathers his courage and has a go at saying something useful. "I think it would be a good idea to take it out in many ways. Not just the obvious things about a kid leading so many people. There are other issues too – we don't even know what effect it might have on a brain that's still developing." He wondered that when he gave it to her, too, and he did it anyway. It made sense at the time, because he was desperate to save Clarke. But these days he thinks he'd cheerfully walk through fire before he'd put Madi in danger.</p><p>"But?" Clarke prompts, perceptive as ever.</p><p>"It not as simple as just taking it out, is it? Does she stay the Commander if we remove the flame? A kid shouldn't be the Commander but politics might get messy without her. We have no idea what the political situation will look like when we wake up Wonkru. And then there's the fact that she won't want it taken out. We're back to the same choice as always – do we worry about keeping the whole human race from turning on each other, or do we protect our daughter?" He concludes, frustrated.</p><p>He runs out of words, twists his neck to observe Clarke's reaction and wait for her reply. She looks a little tearful, he thinks, but not angry.</p><p>"I love you." She informs him, almost fiercely.</p><p>Well, now. That's not the response he was expecting. All the same, he whispers the words back to her, too, and presses a soft kiss to her forehead.</p><p>"That's pretty much exactly where I found myself." She continues. "I guess you really did listen, that time I asked you to use your head, huh?"</p><p>He nods, heavy. "I did. Yeah. I thought it was your dying wish. I – I tried to live that way for years, but I kept making a mess of it. I think I've only started figuring it out since I moved in with you. We keep each other balanced, you and me."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>They sit there for a moment, simply holding each other. Bellamy has a firm feeling he knows which way this decision is going to go, but he needs it to come from Clarke. He's getting the hang of parenting, but the final choice on an issue of this magnitude should be hers – especially seeing as this is where he screwed up so badly, last time round.</p><p>"We have years to figure out what to do about Wonkru and Eligius." She murmurs. "I think we could try some kind of democracy – something like the council on the Ark. I know that the former grounders respect strong individual leaders but I think that if the council members are those strong figures they respect, it might work. We've had Indra and Kane and you and me working alongside each other successfully before now. We just need to formalise it."</p><p>"You're right. That would work, and we have years to figure out the details."</p><p>"Then let's take it out." She concludes.</p><p>"Yeah. I think that's for the best. But – you know Madi won't think so." He reminds her, cautious.</p><p>"I know. But that's why I'm glad you'll be by my side when we talk about it. You've got experience of arguing with a pre-teen." She points out, voice growing light and almost teasing for the first time in this whole conversation.</p><p>He gives a short laugh, hopes it will lift her spirits. "Yeah. I sure have."</p><p>"Great. Then let's talk to her tonight."</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is nervous, and he doesn't mind admitting it. This is the first time he's found himself taking on any of the truly serious aspects of parenting since he moved in with Clarke and Madi, and he really doesn't want to make a mess of it. He wants them to reach a conclusion that has Madi safe, and the chip out of her head, but that doesn't make her think he and Clarke are trying to ride roughshod over her wishes.</p><p>Clarke starts them off.</p><p>"Madi, could we sit and talk for a bit?"</p><p>Madi nods, evidently puzzled by her mother's tone, and takes a seat at the table. "What's this about?" She asks.</p><p>Clarke looks to Bellamy, and he meets her gaze head on, gives her hand an encouraging squeeze under the table.</p><p>"We wanted to talk to you about getting the flame taken out." Clarke says, gentle but honest, not mucking around.</p><p>Madi frowns. "Not this again, Clarke. Didn't we already go over this in the desert? I'm not changing my mind. Not even if you've got Bellamy on your side now, too."</p><p>"It was partly my idea." He speaks up now.</p><p>That silences Madi. She wasn't expecting that one, and Bellamy cannot read whether she is resentful at his supposed change of side or having second thoughts now that both the adults she loves are telling her the same thing.</p><p>He hopes for the latter, and continues. "We're not trying to tell you what to do, Madi. That's why we're talking about this now. But the situation has changed a lot since that time you and Clarke last spoke about this. We think it would be safer if you would consider having it taken out now."</p><p>"Safer? <em>Safer</em>?" She sounds angry. "Why would it be safer without a Commander? This is my duty. I have to keep it. I have to lead Wonkru when they wake up."</p><p>Clarke tries to calm her down. "Madi -"</p><p>"No. You don't get to do this. You don't get to tell me all these stories about you two leading your people, and all the times you've both been martyrs to <em>duty</em>, and then try to stop me from doing my duty." Bellamy sighs. They have not been ideal role models to this girl, he frets.</p><p>"We were a lot older than you are now, Madi." Clarke points out.</p><p>"Not a lot older than I will be when Wonkru wake up. I'll probably be, what, fifteen or sixteen by then? You were seventeen when you led the hundred, Clarke. Auntie O was seventeen when she won the conclave."</p><p>"And look how that turned out." Bellamy mutters, unable to keep his silence. "It's not good to bear that much responsibility when you're so young, Madi. It's not good for your state of mind. You saw how much it changed Octavia from the girl in the stories Clarke told. And – and I know Clarke and I both struggled as a result of having too much responsibility when we were too young."</p><p>Clarke nods, urgent. "Yeah. And we've been thinking, Madi – maybe it's not good for any one person to have all that responsibility, even if they're older. Leading is difficult. It's so difficult." She says through tears, and Bellamy squeezes her hand once again.</p><p>He picks up where she leaves off. "We think the time of the Commanders might be over for real now. We'd like to try to set up a democratic council."</p><p>"If you still feel a strong call to lead your people when you're older, maybe you could join that council." Clarke offers, tone conciliatory.</p><p>"You said the council was bad on the Ark." Madi accuses. "They floated your father, Clarke. You <em>shot</em> the Chancellor, Bellamy."</p><p>Bellamy sighs. Madi makes a sound point, he has to admit it. "Maybe we can do better here on the ground."</p><p>Madi snorts, unimpressed. She still has fire in her eyes, but she hasn't shouted or screamed or run from the room. He supposes that's about as well as this conversation could have gone.</p><p>"I don't want to do it." Madi mutters, quiet. "This is my duty. This is how I save people, and you two have always been a strong example to me about how it's important to save people, so I don't understand why you're going back on that now. And – and I'm the Commander. That's a sacred title, and I know I hid from it for my childhood but – but – that's <em>special</em>." She gulps a little. Clarke reaches out her free hand towards her, but Madi shakes her head and shifts away. "I don't want to do it. But you two think I should and – and usually I trust you."</p><p>There's a heartbeat of heavy silence. Bellamy can hear Clarke's rapid breathing, his own pulse pounding in his ears.</p><p>"I guess I'll think about it." Madi says, resentful, tearful, but more or less calm.</p><p>Clarke nods. Bellamy tries for a smile.</p><p>Madi stands and flees to her room, and they both know better than to try to follow.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke has been feeling pretty wound up, the last couple of days. That's surely no surprise, given the way things stand with Madi. The girl hasn't particularly been angry or rude around Clarke and Bellamy, but she's not her usual cheery self, and it is obvious that the decision about the flame and the associated conflict with her parents is weighing heavily on her. She has yet to make her choice about whether to take it out, and that scares Clarke.</p><p>It scares her, because she thinks that if her daughter says no they'll probably do it anyway.</p><p>Hopefully it won't come down to that, she tries to tell herself. Hopefully she won't have to choose between respecting Madi's wishes and keeping her safe. Hopefully the persuasive arguments she and Bellamy have set out will carry the day.</p><p>And amongst this uncertainty, of course, Clarke is also working to sustain her relationship with Bellamy. She's trying to make time every day to talk to him about happy things, as well as to catch up on serious conversations about their past mistakes. And then, of course, there's also the matter of their almost non-existent sex life.</p><p>It's a lot. A lot of stress, a lot of uncertainty. It's a lot, and she's struggling a little bit – she doesn't mind admitting it. She's getting better at admitting it when she's at breaking point, these days.</p><p>Madi has just headed to bed for the night, with barely so much as a smile for her parents, let alone a goodnight hug, and Clarke finds herself sitting at the table and wondering what to do with herself.</p><p>"What do you want to do tonight?" Bellamy asks softly.</p><p>She shakes her head, not quite up for answering that question.</p><p>"That's OK."</p><p>He stands, walks over to her, pulls her into a hug. It's an odd kind of hug, as she's still sitting down so her head is resting against his stomach, but it's rather lovely all the same. She feels safe here, protected, completely surrounded by Bellamy's warmth.</p><p>"Do you just want to go to bed early?" He asks. She's on the point of saying no, because she's pretty sure she won't sleep, when he continues. "We could cuddle for a bit if you like. We don't have to do anything else. We can just lie down together and see if we can relax a little?"</p><p>"I'd like that." She agrees, and she has a feeling he'd like it too. She can feel the stress in the way he's standing, the tension tightening his back and core.</p><p>He doesn't wait for her to ask twice. He crouches, scoops her straight up off the chair and into his arms. She giggles into his neck as he carries her, already feeling more relaxed. It's hard not to laugh like a giggly young girl when she has a handsome guy carrying her to their bed.</p><p>Clearly that's what he was aiming for, she realises, as he chuckles a little in turn and presses a couple of kisses to her forehead.</p><p>"Thank you." She whispers.</p><p>"Any time." He sets her down awkwardly, but gently.</p><p>"We might need to practise that more." She suggests.</p><p>He nods, smirking a little. This is good, she decides. This is what they both needed – just to laugh and comfort each other like this.</p><p>She starts undressing in preparation for bed, pulling the one boot and one sock off her good leg. The she starts on her cut-off shorts, wiggling them down her waist as she lies there and bucks her hips to get them out of the way.</p><p>"You want me to help with that?" Bellamy asks softly.</p><p>She considers that for a second. Is that a sexual proposition? No, he's been very careful not to put any pressure on her regarding that. Is he genuinely offering logistical help?</p><p>As if sensing her discomfort, he clarifies his offer. "I don't have to make it... sexy, really, you know? I was thinking I could help you out of your shorts, cuddle and kiss you a little?" He bites his lip, visibly embarrassed. "I just thought it might help you relax."</p><p>"I'd like that."</p><p>He smiles, relieved. "Great. Me too. Say if you get uncomfortable, OK?"</p><p>She nods, reaches out to take his hand and tug him down onto the bed. He comes willingly, but then disentangles his hand and gets to work on taking off her shorts. He's gentle with her, even as he lifts her hips and works the clothing out of the way. He follows the path of his hands with kisses and caresses, and it really is very soothing.</p><p>Once her shorts are gone, he encourages her to sit up and follows much the same formula with her shirt, pulling it off then kissing his way softly across her back.</p><p>"This is really lovely." She whispers, twisting to catch his lips with her own.</p><p>He kisses her for a second before pulling away. "Yeah. It is."</p><p>"Can I try it for you, now?" She asks. It's going to be a bit of a logistical challenge, she figures – she's pretty certain she won't be much good at actually getting his trousers out of the way – but she wants to explore his skin in her turn.</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>She starts with his shirt, kissing a path across his shoulders and back and then turning him around to kiss all over his chest and stomach. He really is beautiful, she thinks. That's not a word she used to associate with guys, before Bellamy walked into her life.</p><p>Sure enough, the trousers are a challenge. But he helps her out, and then she's stroking her hands over his legs. She wonders if they're aching – she knows he did a lot of work with Miller on the building site for the school today. She wonders if he might like her to stroke them a bit longer, or maybe massage his butt.</p><p>She knows she wants him to massage her butt.</p><p>That thought takes her somewhat by surprise. They've got to the point in their sexual relationship where she's pretty comfortable and confident touching him, but she doesn't invite him to return the favour, as a general rule. But today she finds that she really, really wants to change that.</p><p>She decides she ought to take it slow. There's no point diving in all at once and scaring herself. This has been a lovely interlude, and she's feeling much more relaxed than she was when they started out, and she sees no sense in ruining that.</p><p>She leaves his legs and crawls back up the bed, and makes a start on kissing him deeply. He kisses her back for several long minutes, tangling a hand in her hair, nipping gently at her lips from time to time.</p><p>She gets braver. She sets her hand at his waist, but that's not enough. She invites him to put a hand on her waist, picking up his fingers and placing them against her skin.</p><p>"You OK?" He checks, because he's pretty perfect like that.</p><p>"Yeah. Great."</p><p>They kiss a bit longer. It grows more heated. Bellamy's hand doesn't stay frigidly polite on her waist – it wanders, just a little, just over the general area of her lower back and the top of the curves of her butt.</p><p>It's when Clarke finds her own fingers creeping closer to the line of her underwear that she knows she's ready to take things up a gear.</p><p>"Can we maybe finish undressing?" She asks. They're still wearing underwear, because that's mostly how they've been sleeping while the weather has been hot and she's been feeling a bit skittish about sex.</p><p>"If you're sure."</p><p>"I am." She confirms, already removing her bra.</p><p>Soon they're both naked, still lying next to each other on the bed, still kissing urgently. This time, when Clarke feels the urge to touch herself, she doesn't hold back. She slips a hand down to the crook of her legs, finds herself already wet and wanting. This is a good way to start moving things forward, she decides. She's still a little apprehensive of what it might feel like, to be vulnerable and out of her senses with a man who has hurt her before now, but at least if she's the one touching herself she will retain control of the situation.</p><p>"Do you want any help with that?" Bellamy offers, noticing what she's doing.</p><p>"Not yet. I'll let you know." She swallows. "Could you – would you touch yourself, too?"</p><p>"You want me to rub my cock for you?" He asks, husky, smirking a little.</p><p>OK, when he says it like that, it shoots straight to her crotch. He really does know how to push her buttons, this infuriatingly sexy lover of hers.</p><p>"Please." She confirms, aware that she sounds desperate, but somehow too relaxed in this moment to care.</p><p>They keep kissing as they get themselves worked up, and it's really pleasurable, actually. This is only her own left hand, and she's touching herself just the same way she did it for six years when she found herself on Earth without anyone else to help her get off. But it feels special, somehow, to share this with Bellamy. Almost <em>naughty</em>, as if she's letting him in on a secret.</p><p>She glances down to where he's working his cock, takes in the sight of his hands wrapped around it. He's got big hands, strong, and his fingers would probably fill her up better than her own do, she thinks. And his cock would fill her up very well indeed, but she thinks that might be a project for another day.</p><p>Or it might not. They'll see how they get on.</p><p>"See something you like?" He asks her, tone teasing.</p><p>"Yeah." She swallows. "Touch me?"</p><p>"You want me to?"</p><p>"I want you to." She kisses him, deep and hungry, then reaches out to cover the hand he has on his cock with her own much smaller – but rather more enthusiastic – fingers. "Let's swap." She invites him.</p><p>They have to rearrange themselves a little, but thankfully that has them laughing rather than creating any awkwardness. She's feeling even more relaxed, once they've had a good giggle, and she's lying there with one of his arms curled around her and the other hand snaking down towards the crook of her legs.</p><p>And then his fingers are on her, then <em>in</em> her, and it's almost mind-blowingly good.</p><p>"Faster." She whimpers, urgent. "Harder."</p><p>"Someone's eager." He teases her, but she can hear that he's eager too. His steady breathing is giving way into more scattered panting, as she works his cock with her hand.</p><p>Clarke is remembering, now, how good sex can be. She's recalling that it's pretty fun to have someone make a fuss of her body and make her feel good, and to feel the satisfaction of taking care of them in turn. Only it's even better, somehow, when it's Bellamy. The fact that they know each other so well in everyday life bleeds through into the bedroom, into the way they read each other's wants and needs and responses.</p><p>And the best thing of all? She feels totally and utterly safe with him, surrounded by his warmth, cradled at his side.</p><p>That's the thought that makes her feel able to let go and simply enjoy herself. She stops really concentrating on what she's doing with his cock – she doesn't mind admitting it – but he doesn't seem to be complaining. She must still be making him feel good, based on the way his breath is growing shorter and his groans are growing longer.</p><p>She concentrates instead on pleasure, on the warmth flowing out from Bellamy's fingertips, on the lights dancing behind her eyes and the trembling overtaking her limbs.</p><p>And then she's falling apart around his hand, shuddering and moaning and murmuring his name.</p><p>She opens her eyes, comes back to herself slowly. She is just in time to catch Bellamy groaning loudly and coming all over her stomach, grimacing in pleasure and looking right into her eyes.</p><p>She hugs him tight when he's done. She knows that'll make a mess, that his come will dry sticky on her skin and she'll have to wipe it up. Probably she'll miss some, or they'll get some on the sheets.</p><p>She doesn't care.</p><p>"I love you." He whispers, somewhere near her ear. "In case that wasn't clear. And I'm really proud of you for trying that. I hope that doesn't sound weird."</p><p>"I love you too." She swallows. "Thanks for being patient with me. That was fun. We should definitely do things like that more often." It's as close as she can manage, in this moment, to articulating the idea that sex might be more enjoyable than frightening, and that she feels safe with him, and that she's more eager to take him to her bed than apprehensive about it, now.</p><p>She did just have a pretty substantial orgasm, after all. She thinks it's probably OK if emotion and exhaustion and a little bit of shock mean she's not at her most coherent, just now.</p><p>She might not be at her most coherent, but she's feeling pretty damn relaxed, so that's a win. That's something she couldn't have imagined, an hour or so ago. But she shouldn't be surprised, she thinks, snuggling deeper into Bellamy's chest. He has always had this way of knowing what to do or say to keep her head above water.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Huge thanks to everyone who left lovely comments last chapter, and to Stormkpr for betaing this as always. Only a couple of chapters left in this story now, and then on to the next project - "Thicker Than Water"! Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy has to admit, he's had better weeks. <em>Last</em> week, for example, was a better week, in which he remembers feeling overcome with joy at his new relationship with Clarke and new role in Madi's life. This week has been less successful, dominated as it has been by the ongoing tension between Madi and her parents over whether to remove the flame.</p><p>And then, of course, in the midst of all this Octavia has invited him for a day out hunting rabbits. Somehow, even after everything, he has not entirely learnt how to say no to his little sister when she begs for his company.</p><p>He kisses Clarke goodbye and reminds her he loves her. He'd quite like to wish her luck, as well, because he figures a whole day in Madi's sullen company is going to be a bit of a challenge for her. But he can't, because Madi's right there, so he simply ruffles his daughter's hair awkwardly and flees out the door.</p><p>He tries to paste a smile on his face as he arrives at Octavia's house, but he knows he isn't having much success.</p><p>Sure enough, his sister frowns at him the moment she opens the door.</p><p>"What's wrong?" She asks, brisk but not without sympathy.</p><p>"Nothing. No worries. Let's go."</p><p>"Really, big brother. I get that we're not so close these days but you can tell me, you know."</p><p>He swallows. "Just a disagreement at home."</p><p>She frowns harder. "We don't have to go today if you need to stay home and sort it out."</p><p>"No. No, we should go. Come on."</p><p>He thinks that's it. He presumes the subject is closed, as Octavia reaches for her bag and then closes the door. They start walking along the street in taut silence. He's probably supposed to come up with something inoffensive to chat about, but he cannot quite convince himself to do so. His thoughts are still too tied up in wondering about what's going on back home.</p><p>They are on the outskirts of the city by the time Octavia surprises him by speaking up.</p><p>"Bellamy. I know you've spent your whole life looking after other people. But I wish you'd realise your happiness is important too. If you need to turn back home and sort out this fight with Clarke, you can. We can do this another day. We can <em>never</em> do it, if that's what you need to be happy. I want you to be happy." She concludes, audibly tearful.</p><p>To say Bellamy is shocked would be an understatement. He's not sure how to address those big ideas about happiness, nor how to process the fact that it seems his sister has decided they are now going to talk about their emotions together.</p><p>He therefore starts with something easier. "It's not a fight with Clarke. It's a fight with Madi – not really a fight. Just parenting stuff."</p><p>"Parenting stuff, huh?"</p><p>"Yeah." He swallows. "It's actually great. It sucks that she's upset with us, of course it does. But I've wanted a family with Clarke for so long. I guess I just have to hold onto that when the tough times like this come along."</p><p>"You'll get through it." Octavia says bracingly. "Madi adores both of you."</p><p>"I think that's the problem. She loves us, and so now she's really hurt that we disagree with her about what's in her best interests. Being hurt by someone you love is the worst of all." It's an area he considers himself something of an expert in, actually.</p><p>"You're right."</p><p>He shakes his head, annoyed with himself. "I'm sorry. You don't want to talk about this. Hunting today, huh? Where shall we -"</p><p>"I <em>do</em> want to talk about this." Octavia corrects him, fierce.</p><p>"You do?"</p><p>"Yeah. I'm trying to learn how to do better. In general, but particularly with you, Bell. I can see now that I've always been selfish in our relationship. I really do want you to be happy, and to prioritise your life over mine."</p><p>He's annoyed with her, now. "There's nothing <em>selfish</em> about it. You didn't ask to be born. Of course I had to take responsibility for -"</p><p>"Bell. Just let me say it. Just let me say I want you to be happy."</p><p>He frowns, takes a deep breath. "OK. I think I want to be happy too. And I really am – or I will be, just as soon as we're through this rough patch with Madi."</p><p>Octavia nods. "Great. Do you want to go home to her and Clarke now?"</p><p>He gives it serious thought. He's worrying about the pair of them, sure, but he's not convinced there's much useful he could actually do at home. Apart from anything else, he knows Clarke was hoping to have a chat with Madi alone, see if their extra six years of closeness might give rise to a more productive conversation.</p><p>And after everything Octavia's just said, he's starting to think there might be something positive to gain by spending more time with her, anyway.</p><p>"No. Let's go hunting. I think getting more comfortable with you again will make me happier too."</p><p>Octavia beams at him. "Thanks, big brother. That means a lot."</p><p>Yeah. It means a lot to him as well, now he comes to think about it.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke should have known better than to start talking to Madi about the flame again. That's what she finds herself thinking, now. Bellamy has barely been out of the house ten minutes and already Madi is all riled up, defensive and confrontational, not the good-humoured child she knows and loves.</p><p>"I just think we should sit down and talk about all the pros and cons. This could be a good chance to think it through." Clarke offers, as calmly as she can.</p><p>"Why are you saying all this without Bellamy here?" Madi asks, sharp.</p><p>"I only said -"</p><p>"So he doesn't agree with you? Is that it? He hasn't really changed his mind, he just doesn't want to upset you. So now you're going behind his back and -"</p><p>"Madi, please." Clarke gulps, tries not to look too close to tears. "This isn't like you. Please can we just talk about it?"</p><p>"It doesn't feel to me like you want us to talk about it, Clarke. It feels like you want to talk <em>at</em> me about it and force me to do what you want. Whether Bellamy or I agree with you or not."</p><p>Clarke breaks, then. She has been trying so hard to hold it together, these last few days, but that is the final straw. She gives way into messy tears, weeping as quietly as she can, trying desperately to cling to some semblance of control and coherence. It's difficult, because she loves Madi. She loves her so much that she was willing to leave Bellamy to die to protect her, for goodness sake. And it's so hard, now, to fight this battle between respecting her wishes and protecting her.</p><p>Madi looks simply horrified. Her shoulders sag, her mouth drops open, and she immediately rushes over to Clarke's side.</p><p>"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Well, maybe I did a tiny bit. I'm so sorry. But I didn't – I don't -"</p><p>"It's OK, Madi. It's OK. It's just – being a mum is hard sometimes, you know?" She explains, hopelessly inadequate, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. She ought to be embarrassed about that, she thinks. It's a little gross, and doesn't exactly suggest she's in control of the situation.</p><p>Madi hands her a handkerchief, frowning deeply.</p><p>"I really will think about it, Clarke." She murmurs quietly. "I <em>am</em> thinking about it. It's just hard and it feels like you're waiting for an answer and I hate letting you down."</p><p>"You're not letting me down at all." Clarke tells her firmly.</p><p>Madi gives a small grin. "Thanks, Clarke."</p><p>"It's always difficult, growing up. I used to argue with my mum about what was best all the time too. Especially when we first came to the ground. I thought I should be in charge but she wanted to protect me."</p><p>"That sounds familiar." Madi points out.</p><p>"I was a lot older than you. And even then – it nearly broke me."</p><p>Madi nods. A thoughtful silence sits over them for a second or two. Clarke wipes away the last few tears. This is a difficult situation, but they're still a family, and the odd moment of conflict is not going to change that.</p><p>"I don't get why you're not just knocking me out and doing it anyway." Madi says, in a very small voice.</p><p>"Because I learnt the hard way that's not the right way to approach this." Clarke points out.</p><p>Madi nods again. "Can we do something else now, Clarke? Can we maybe draw or play chess or just do something nice together?" She swallows loudly. "I want us to spend some time together without talking about – about any of this."</p><p>That, right there, is why the flame needs to come out, Clarke thinks. That is her daughter, a scared child, who just wants to play games with her mum and forget about the difficult issues. And that's how it should be – she ought to be thinking about drawing and family time, not leading the human race.</p><p>But Madi's right. They've argued about it for quite long enough. Clarke nods, smiling a tentative smile, and reaches for the chess board.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is surprised when Madi asks him to take her on an outing, the following day. She hasn't wanted to go walk around Polis with him since they first raised the issue of the flame – she's mostly been either moping around the house or out playing with Jordan.</p><p>Obviously he says yes right away.</p><p>"Where are we going?" He asks, deliberately cheery, as they head out the door. "Want to go see if we can get inside the part of the tower that's still standing? I can show you the elevator I climbed to get to Clarke that one time." Referencing their love story is usually a pretty popular bet with Madi, he's found.</p><p>Madi's smile looks a little wobbly, he thinks. "Maybe later."</p><p>Well, then. Apparently this is not a normal outing. "What's wrong, kid? Anything I can do?"</p><p>She frowns. She takes a deep breath. She opens her mouth, closes it again, nose scrunched up in distress.</p><p>"Madi?"</p><p>"What do you think I should do about the flame? Really? You're the one who wanted me to have it in the first place and now suddenly you think I should take it out?" The questions sound barbed, he thinks, yet also anxious as they tumble out of her.</p><p>He starts at the beginning. "I didn't <em>want</em> you to have it, Madi. It was complicated."</p><p>"So explain it." She challenges.</p><p>"I was desperate to save everyone. Clarke, my family from space, even you, although I hardly knew you back then. Octavia was out of control and I felt like we were running out of options." He swallows heavily. "You know what we said when we first spoke about this? About leadership being difficult, and too much responsibility not being good for anyone? I wasn't coping very well back then, Madi. You know I love Clarke, and I'd thought she was dead, and then to lose her again so soon after finding out she was alive? It was terrifying. And for years my sister was the most important person in my life, but suddenly she was threatening everyone I cared about."</p><p>"So you regret what you did?" Madi asks.</p><p>"I don't think it's as simple as that. Regret means that if I had a second chance I'd do it differently, and I don't know if I would. I don't know if there was a better choice."</p><p>"But you think it wasn't a good thing to do? That you wouldn't have chosen to give me the flame if there was another way?"</p><p>"Exactly. And maybe if I'd been thinking straight I would have found another way. But – yeah. I wasn't doing too well."</p><p>Madi nods. "I used to think you and Clarke were... invincible. Heroes. That's how she seemed, when I was younger, and that's how you sounded in her stories. But you've just told me sometimes you don't cope well." She pauses, continues in a rather damp voice. "Yesterday I made her cry. You're both human, it turns out."</p><p>"I'm sorry." He offers helplessly. This child is right – he is certainly no hero.</p><p>"Don't be sorry. It's a good thing. It means that you're honest and real and maybe one day I can grow up to be half as good and caring and brave as you guys."</p><p>Bellamy is crying, too, now. Only a little, but the tears are definitely there. "You're doing great, Madi. Sometimes I think you're already wiser than either of us."</p><p>She reaches out to hug him, hard. "Damn it. Now I've made both of you cry." She says, somewhere between apologising and almost amused.</p><p>He lets out a damp chuckle. "That's OK, kid. I'll get over it. I'm pleased we talked."</p><p>"Me too. Can we go see the elevator now?"</p><p>He laughs for real this time. "I was hoping you might have forgotten about that."</p><p>"Forget an opportunity to tease you and Clarke? Never." She grins, wolfish, true, and almost as relaxed as her usual self.</p><p>He rolls his eyes at her and leads the way to the tower.</p><p>…...</p><p>Breakfast the next morning almost resembles an average family breakfast for this household, Clarke thinks. Bellamy makes bad jokes about algae, and Madi pesters her parents to let her go explore the wasteland, and Clarke tells both of them to be sensible – or, increasingly often, embraces their silliness and joins in anyway.</p><p>"You can't go out today. Jordan's coming over." Clarke informs Madi.</p><p>"He is? That's great!"</p><p>Clarke smiles at her enthusiasm. It's fortunate, she thinks, that the only two kids currently awake on this planet have become such firm friends. Or maybe it's because they know they are stuck with each other that they have put so much effort into their friendship, she wonders.</p><p>"You can't play the drawing game all morning though. I need your help with something." Bellamy says.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>He leaves a dramatic second of pause. "We're building an extension."</p><p>"Not an extension! We need a new house." Madi makes a great show of her annoyance, and Clarke finds herself rather glad that they are jokingly arguing about an issue long settled instead of really fighting over the flame, this morning.</p><p>"We're going for a compromise and extending by taking over the house next door." Bellamy explains.</p><p>All at once, Madi's eyes light up. "A whole extra <em>house</em>? How many kids are you two planning to have?"</p><p>Clarke flushes. "It's only the same size as this one, Madi. So only two extra rooms. We can have a living room and maybe a kids' room."</p><p>Madi nods, eager. It is as if the tension of the last week has almost been forgotten, Clarke thinks. "What do you want me to help with?" The girl asks.</p><p>"Can you do the windows in the new place?" Bellamy asks. "I'll do the roof. And then one day when some of our friends have the time to spare we can knock through the hallways to join the two."</p><p>"And that's going to work?" Madi asks, optimism balanced with scepticism.</p><p>"Raven says it will." Clarke confirms.</p><p>That settles it, after all. If Raven says it's possible, then it surely must be possible.</p><p>They chat excitedly about the plans for the new extension over the rest of their meal. Madi is already asking whether she can decorate the kids' room, even though the kids are still hypothetical at best. Bellamy is offering her a list of interesting tasks she might help out with – to Clarke it sounds like he has carefully selected some of the safest and most boring tasks and is now trying to convince her that they are utterly thrilling. All in all, it's a pretty cheerful meal, but there's something still weighing on Clarke's mind.</p><p>They cannot just pretend the flame doesn't exist. They cannot just eat algae, and renovate houses, and ignore the issue altogether.</p><p>She decides that they can put that issue on hold at least for a little while, though. By the time they have finished eating, Jordan is knocking at the door, Harper hovering behind him.</p><p>"Come in, come in." Bellamy invites them, as if he has lived here his whole life.</p><p>Jordan bounds through the door, his mother following close behind.</p><p>"Are you staying, Harper?" Clarke asks. Normally Harper is occupied on the farm, and they don't see her as often as they would like.</p><p>"Yeah, if that's OK. Octavia and Echo are helping Monty out." She pauses, grins slightly. "I love Monty, but I'm no farmer. I'd rather help you guys with your roof tiles."</p><p>"I think you might be my coolest Aunt." Madi offers thoughtfully.</p><p>Harper laughs. "Don't let any of the others hear you saying that. Thanks, Madi."</p><p>"Octavia and Echo are at the farm again?" Clarke asks, curious.</p><p>"Can't get rid of them." Harper says, shrugging.</p><p>Clarke files that away for later consideration. For now, Jordan is picking up a screwdriver, and his mother is urging him to put it down. It's not clear who wins, but either way, the two of them end up lifting the toolbox and carrying it outside. Madi has already appointed herself in charge of windows and set out for next door. Bellamy sighs, loud and slightly comedic, and heads for the door.</p><p>But on his way, of course, he pauses where Clarke sits at the table.</p><p>"Love you." He reminds her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.</p><p>"Love you too. Have fun out there."</p><p>"I'm going to be back here every five minutes. Just warning you. I have a list of excuses prepared to stop by and chat to you."</p><p>"Of course you do."</p><p>He grins, picks up his stack of roof tiles. He really does go to the door, now, opening it with his elbow and managing not to drop a single tile.</p><p>That's when Clarke's curiosity gets the better of her.</p><p>"Do you think there's something going on between Echo and Octavia?"</p><p>She curses herself the moment the words are out of her lips. It's none of her business, of course. And it must be a question that Bellamy will find uncomfortable, and she doesn't want to make him uncomfortable. And anyway, he's supposed to be fixing the roof, not gossiping.</p><p>But she wants them both to be happy, despite the history they share. Or perhaps <em>because</em> she has not always seen eye to eye with them. And she does seem to be letting her emotions do the talking a little more often these days.</p><p>Bellamy looks surprised at her question, but he doesn't drop his stack of roof tiles.</p><p>"I'm not sure. O talks about her a lot." He says, giving her a perfectly straight answer. "I think there might be, but I haven't asked. Don't really want to think about my ex and my sister screwing."</p><p>It's such a thoroughly <em>Bellamy</em> response, she thinks – honest, but with a touch of diverting attention through humour – that she cannot help but smile at him.</p><p>"Fair enough. Stay safe on that roof."</p><p>He nods, and smiles at her, and heads through the door.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke likes mornings even more, now she and Bellamy share a bed. There's nothing on Earth more lovely, she's pretty sure, than waking up next to him and enjoying sleepy kisses. She's particularly proud of how relaxed she feels about the sleepy kisses these days, too. They still have some way to go before they know each other's bodies as well as they know each other's hearts and minds, but they're certainly making good progress.</p><p>She's awake before Bellamy this morning, as she often is. She wonders if he's still trying to make up for a lifetime of chronic sleeplessness, between worrying about his sister on the Ark and watching over his people on Earth. So she does what she always does in these situations – she holds him and just relaxes, dozing lightly, at his side. She's spooning him from behind this morning, and she's got pretty good at that in recent weeks, despite the impediment of the cast on her leg.</p><p>She knows when he wakes up. That's partly because she's something of an expert already at analysing the change in his breathing and the way he scoots back into her slightly, so they are even closer together. But the fact that he reaches for her hand and brings it up to his lips is a useful hint, too.</p><p>"Morning." He murmurs, still holding her hand.</p><p>"Sleep well?" She asks, starting to sprinkle gentle kisses across his shoulders and the back of his neck.</p><p>"Mhmm." He sighs a little, almost chases her kisses by shifting his shoulders every time she pulls away for so much as a heartbeat.</p><p>She keeps kissing, soft and tender, nuzzling into his neck a little when she has to stop to breathe. Then she reclaims her hand from him. He protests silently, clinging onto it, but she has another use for it in mind.</p><p>She reaches down the length of his body, trailing her fingertips over his toned stomach as she goes. And then she arrives at her destination, and teases the tip of his cock with her thumb.</p><p>"Clarke." It comes out as a groan, and she smiles against his shoulder blade.</p><p>"Bellamy." She counters, tone teasing.</p><p>He snorts slightly, tries to twist around for a kiss on the lips. She humours him with one soft kiss, but then nudges him away again. She's got a slightly different idea for how to wake him up this morning.</p><p>Still spooning him, she makes a start on rubbing her hand along the length of his cock. It's not the most convenient angle. He's a lot bigger than her, broad in the shoulders, but his hips are fairly narrow and anyway, she's pretty motivated to make this work. She can reach well enough to be getting on with, and can still kiss his back at the same time so that's fine.</p><p>He lets out a happy moan, and she grins.</p><p>"You doing OK there?" She asks.</p><p>"That feels so good."</p><p>Yeah, she thought he might say that.</p><p>She keeps working him up, keeps spooning him tightly while she does. This is pretty awesome, she decides. He might not be facing her but she feels so close to him doing this, having him in her arms, the scent of him flooding her senses, his skin soft beneath her lips.</p><p>Things are just starting to get interesting when there's a knock at the bedroom door.</p><p>"Clarke? Bellamy?" It's Madi, of course. "Are you decent? Can I come talk to you?"</p><p>Clarke's hand freezes mid-stroke. Madi doesn't knock on her bedroom door, as a general rule. It's happened scarcely a handful of times in all the years they have lived together – always because of nightmares or illness or minor injury. And she's not a very early riser, either, so the fact that she's here first thing in the morning must mean something serious is up.</p><p>"Hang on." Clarke calls out. Then she speaks to Bellamy rather more quietly and with a sense of rising panic. "Sorry, but we have to get that. She doesn't usually come fetch me like this."</p><p>"That's OK. That's fine. Let me grab us some clothes." He sounds calm, thank goodness.</p><p>He hops out of bed and fetches them each something to wear in record time. Unsurprisingly, the circumstances have put an end to his erection, so there's not even any awkward evidence of their morning's activity by the time they are both dressed and Bellamy is opening the door.</p><p>"Hey, Madi. Come in and tell us what's up." He invites her, gesturing to the table.</p><p>She ignores him. She walks over and plops herself on the bed at Clarke's side, then reaches in for a hug. Clarke hugs her back, bemused but always willing to share a heartfelt hug with her daughter. What's going on here? Why all this overt affection so early in the morning?</p><p>"I'm sorry if I interrupted anything." Madi mutters, face flushing red.</p><p>"No worries, kid." Bellamy waves a careless hand, smiling as if it is all some great joke.</p><p>Clarke is particularly grateful, in this moment, for the way humour never seems to fail him. He's keeping the conversation moving, while all she wants to do is beg Madi to tell her what on Earth is the matter.</p><p>"Can you come sit with us, Bellamy?" Madi asks in a rather small voice.</p><p>He does so. He takes the place Madi indicates on her other side, and so the three of them are sitting next to each other, Madi in the middle, sharing a family hug.</p><p>Still Madi does not get to the point. She just hugs her parents tight and practises taking deep breaths, from what Clarke can hear. There's no sense in rushing the child, she decides. They can perfectly well sit here until she feels able to talk about whatever it is that is bothering her.</p><p>"Thank you for being so patient with me." Madi pipes up, after a couple of minutes.</p><p>"It's OK, honey. You take all the time you need. You don't have to tell us what's wrong until you're ready." Clarke tells her.</p><p>Madi gives a nervous giggle. "No, I mean, thank you for being patient with me about the flame."</p><p>Oh. Well. Now Clarke understands what they're doing here. She supposes maybe she should have worked that out earlier, but she was beginning to think they were never going to reach a resolution on the matter of the flame. And apart from anything else, she doesn't have a good track record of thinking straight when she's worried about Madi like she has been this morning.</p><p>"Is that what you wanted to talk to us about?" Bellamy asks gently.</p><p>"Yeah." Madi sucks in a breath. "I want it taken out."</p><p>Clarke steels herself not to celebrate. This has been a difficult decision for Madi, and she needs to look supportive right now, not victorious.</p><p>"Thanks for telling us that, Madi. I know that wasn't easy for you."</p><p>Madi nods. "It wasn't. But I'm sure of it. No regrets. How soon can we do it?"</p><p>Clarke squeezes her tight. "As soon as you want. I can even ask Jackson if we can do it tomorrow."</p><p>"I'd like that." A loud swallow. "<em>Ai hod yu in</em>. Both of you. You know that, right?"</p><p>Clarke tears up a little at that. It's been a long week, and there were moments where she wasn't altogether convinced Madi would be saying those words to her again any time soon.</p><p>"<em>Ai hod yu in</em>." She repeats back.</p><p>"<em>Ai hod yu in</em>." Bellamy echoes, voice thick with emotion. Clarke's pretty sure that's the first time he and Madi have passed the words between them, and she cannot help but smile at that.</p><p>Her daughter is going to be a carefree kid again, and she has a family she loves and who love each other. She counts that as a pretty successful morning, all things considered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to the penultimate chapter! Huge thanks to everyone who commented last chapter and to Stormkpr for betaing. Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy knows there is nothing to worry about. Jackson is a great doctor, Clarke has plenty of medical expertise as well as knowledge of the flame, and Madi is therefore in good hands. The procedure to take the flame out is brief and straightforward.</p><p>But he's worried all the same, pacing up and down in the dust outside the medical centre. In his experience, things go wrong when people he loves are in any kind of situation whatsoever. So however much faith he has in Clarke and Jackson, he thinks he'll be nervous until he sees Madi bounding back out the door again with his own eyes. It doesn't help, either, that Madi was visibly anxious about this too. And he still remembers the horror he felt when Gaia first put it in her head and she didn't wake up right away, and he didn't even consider her family back then. All in all, he's beginning to spiral, and that's not -</p><p>"Hey, big brother."</p><p>He looks up, sharp, and sees Octavia and Echo approaching. He stops pacing, frozen in place, confused by their presence.</p><p>Octavia continues. "You know, I'm pretty sure they have chairs in the waiting room if you want to go inside and sit down."</p><p>He frowns. "I want to be outside. I think I need to keep moving."</p><p>"She'll be OK, Bellamy." Echo speaks up now. "She's strong, and Clarke and Jackson know what they're doing."</p><p>He nods. Those are exactly the sort of sentiments everyone repeated endlessly over breakfast, but it didn't make him feel any better then and it's not making much difference now, either.</p><p>"Come on, Bell." Octavia says, and starts walking off down the street, as if that's supposed to make any sense to him.</p><p>"Where are you going?"</p><p>"We're going to the farm, and you're coming with us. You said you wanted to be outside and keep moving? So come take a look at the farm and say hi to Monty and Harper and Jordan."</p><p>Bellamy dithers. There's simply no other word for it, as he looks between the door of the med centre, and his sister's kind expression, and Echo's determined one. He feels like he's supposed to stay at his post – he wouldn't want his family to think he's abandoned them.</p><p>But there is, objectively, nothing he can do by staying, and it might do him good to keep his mind off it.</p><p>That settles it. Time to use his head, and go check out the farm rather than pacing here and getting needlessly worked up.</p><p>It doesn't take long to walk to the farm, and it seems that not much in the way of conversation is expected from him en route. He never thought he'd see the day when his sister and ex-girlfriend were absolutely absorbed in discussing cabbages with each other, but it seems that is exactly what has come to pass. Echo passionately believes that the human waste fertiliser has been the most effective, and Octavia argues that the algae fertiliser has produced better results.</p><p>Yeah. That's right. His little sister and ex-girlfriend are arguing about algae and faeces.</p><p>It keeps him distracted from his concerns, anyway – if only because he's so busy trying to read the back-and-forth between them, trying to decide whether there's anything more than platonic friendship going on here. There could be, he decides in the end, but perhaps not yet. He knows from personal experience that Echo takes a long time to feel comfortable taking that step with anyone, and there's still a haunted look in Octavia's eyes. He thinks that sooner or later he might take his sister aside to tell her that it really is fine with him if she wants to date Echo, but it seems like he doesn't exactly need to rush to do that tomorrow.</p><p>They arrive at the farm before long, and Bellamy's first reaction is to be impressed. He's not really been here since Monty started work on it, what with Clarke's leg and Miller's school and his own happiness. But there's no doubt that this is a success – there are seedlings shooting up everywhere, some of them already almost recognisable as vegetables.</p><p>"This place looks great." He tells Echo and Octavia with unfeigned enthusiasm.</p><p>"We've worked hard on it." Echo says seriously.</p><p>"Yeah. Yeah, I can see that." He steps forward, approaches a row of something that might be lettuce.</p><p>"Don't go treading on them." Octavia warns him.</p><p>He laughs. "I wouldn't dream of it."</p><p>Harper approaches, waving merrily. "Hey, guys. Thank God you're here. Monty's teaching Jordan about nutrient ratios in fertiliser and I'm about to fall asleep."</p><p>"Isn't Jordan a little young for that?" Octavia asks.</p><p>Bellamy's not so sure, actually. In a world where a twelve-year-old thinks it's her duty to lead her people, and a seventeen-year-old once saved the human race, he thinks Jordan learning a bit of biochemistry is probably fair game. He notices Echo frowning a little, too, eyes sad, and wonders what he's missed there.</p><p>He really wasn't much good at dating her.</p><p>The conversation moves on, then. Bellamy is invited to take a tour of the farm and agrees easily. Harper and Octavia show him around, while Echo chooses to spend a little time alone with her tomatoes. Apparently the tomatoes are her pride and joy, these days.</p><p>"I'm more excited about the pumpkins." Octavia explains.</p><p>Bellamy rather wonders what has happened to Blodreina, but he senses that it wouldn't help to mention that. He certainly recognises some of the child Octavia's youthful enthusiasm in this more cheerful young woman, so that's a good thing, he decides easily.</p><p>"Pumpkins, huh?" He asks, hoping to encourage her to keep talking.</p><p>"Yeah. Apparently they can get really big. People used to have competitions to grow them back on Earth before the bombs." She pauses, takes a deep breath. "I think that might be a healthier use for my competitive spirit than fighting, you know?"</p><p>He hugs her. That's not something he's done very often, since Praimfaya, but it feels so right in this moment to wrap his little sister in his arms and squeeze her tight.</p><p>"You're doing alright, O." He whispers. "You're going to be OK."</p><p>She nods, tearful, as they separate. "I'm doing great. I'm going to grow pumpkins and your brood of little artistic children are going to help me carve them into stupid shapes."</p><p>Harper laughs. "Please no. Please not pumpkin carving. Jordan won't shut up about that ever since we started teaching him about old Earth traditions."</p><p>That has Bellamy and Octavia laughing, too, as they continue their tour of the farm. It's quite pleasant, this. Bellamy thought he wanted to be alone and pace outside the med centre, but apparently he was wrong. It's good to have friends, and to see growth and healing at work.</p><p>But he figures he's been here long enough, now, and it's time to go see what's happening at the med centre. He excuses himself, and walks back there. Octavia offers to come with him, but he tells her not to bother. He's feeling much calmer than he was earlier and he doesn't want to distract her from her pumpkins.</p><p>When he reaches the med centre he decides to head inside rather than pacing in the street. He thinks he's done enough of that for one day. He settles himself in a chair in the waiting room, and sits patiently. He thinks about pumpkins, about artistic children with Clarke, about telling Madi more stories of the traditions on Earth before the bombs.</p><p>Within minutes, the door is opening, and a very smiley twelve-year-old is pushing her way through it.</p><p>"It's done." Madi informs him, reaching out for a hug. "It's done, Bellamy. I'm not the Commander any more."</p><p>"Are you feeling OK?"</p><p>"Yeah, it doesn't hurt or anything." She swallows. "I'm still feeling a little strange about the whole thing. It was in my head and now it's not, you know? I've lost those voices of the past Commanders."</p><p>"But you've still got everything that makes you <em>you</em>, and that's what matters." He reassures her.</p><p>Clarke joins them, smiling a tentative smile. "I think we're all good." She says, as she makes her way to Bellamy's side.</p><p>His arm reaches around her. It just does – that's pretty much automatic between them, by now.</p><p>"Can we go home?" Madi asks, voice still a little shaky.</p><p>"Of course we can, kid. Do you want to hear all about pumpkin carving?" Bellamy offers, ushering his small family towards the door.</p><p>Of course Madi wants to hear about pumpkin carving. She's a kid, after all.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke has been watching Madi closely since she found herself taking care of her all those years ago, but she watches her even more closely, today. She's pretty sure there will be no physical ill-effects from taking out the flame but she's anxious to see how it will affect her daughter's mental health. It can't be easy, she thinks, to go from being the leader of her people with voices in her head to suddenly being a normal kid.</p><p>Madi doesn't make a big deal of it. She asks if they can have lunch at home, and then maybe spend the afternoon together as a family working on the new extension to the house.</p><p>Needless to say, Clarke and Bellamy are quick to agree. Bellamy heads off to fetch lunch for the three of them, while Clarke and Madi sit at the table and wait for him to get back.</p><p>"Do you want to play chess?" Clarke offers softly. She thinks it's probably better to invite her daughter to play a game than to pester her with questions about her head.</p><p>Madi frowns. "I don't know. I'm not sure I'll be so good at chess now."</p><p>"That doesn't matter. It's about spending time together, right? And I'm sure in time you'll learn to be great at chess without the flame, too."</p><p>"I think maybe I should give it a try." Madi concedes. "I figure there's no point me sitting here worrying about it is there? It doesn't matter whether I'm still good at chess but putting off finding out is just making it worse."</p><p>Clarke smiles at her. "You know, I think you're every bit as wise as you ever were, flame or no flame."</p><p>"Thanks, Clarke. Let's play chess."</p><p>Madi isn't as good at chess as she was with the flame, it turns out, but she's still pretty sharp for a twelve-year-old – or maybe that's just Clarke's maternal pride speaking. Either way, Madi seems relieved that she remembers how to play competently, and the two of them share a good game.</p><p>By the time Bellamy gets home with lunch, the atmosphere in the house is lighter than it has been in quite some days.</p><p>They chat about plans for the house as they eat. Madi has strong opinions on the subject – another thing that has not changed since she had the flame removed – and Bellamy seems to have a bunch of romantic dreams about their new living arrangements that don't have much to do with the real world.</p><p>Clarke loves both of them, but she also wants the place to be watertight.</p><p>"I don't think we need a skylight, Madi." She says mildly.</p><p>"But I want a skylight in my bedroom! That sounds like fun."</p><p>"We could have one in our bedroom so we can look at the stars." Bellamy adds, looking down at his algae as if embarrassed to be caught out being so overtly romantic.</p><p>"Shall we maybe start smaller than that?" Clarke suggests. "We still haven't decided who's having which room."</p><p>"This should stay as the living room." Madi insists.</p><p>"We could take the second room next door as our bedroom." Bellamy suggests, throwing Clarke a little secretive grin.</p><p>She grins back at him. That sounds perfect – it's the furthest room from Madi's, and therefore the most suitable for loud sex, she figures.</p><p>"Can I paint the kids' room cool colours?" Madi asks.</p><p>Clarke frowns. "There aren't actually any kids yet, Madi. And I know you want siblings – and we'd love to have more kids, too – but getting pregnant doesn't always work out."</p><p>Madi looks crestfallen for a moment. She bites her lip, narrows her eyes. But then she brightens considerably.</p><p>"You could adopt more kids!" She suggests with enthusiasm. "There are Wonkru kids who don't have parents." She swallows. "I know I'm really lucky that I have you guys, and it sucks that not every kid who loses their birth parents finds people to love them."</p><p>Clarke sees the merit in Madi's idea right away. She and Bellamy are both made to love children, it seems, between their time caring for the hundred and now their life with Madi. She'd love for them to have biological kids too, but she doesn't see any reason why the two ideas can't coexist. If this peace is going to last and she and Bellamy don't need to spend all their days saving the human race any more, they could have plenty of time to take care of some children.</p><p>She looks over and catches Bellamy's eye. Sure enough, he's smiling and nodding, and looks a little too excited, she thinks.</p><p>"That could be a great idea, Madi. We'll definitely make sure all the Wonkru kids are well looked after." Clarke says. There's no need to get carried away just yet – this is only an idea.</p><p>But it's an idea she rather likes. And, of course, her brilliant daughter has been the one to suggest it. Commander or not, Madi is pretty special.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke finds herself relaxing somewhat, as the days roll by. Madi no longer has unnaturally advanced chess skills, and her vocabulary is more what should be expected of a child than a Commander, but she has kept all the parts of her personality that actually make her the girl she is – her compassion, for example, and her love of fun. Clarke's leg is well on the way to healed, and Jackson will remove the cast next week if all goes to plan.</p><p>And Bellamy? Bellamy is absolutely incredible – but she supposes she might be a little biased. He's caring and patient and fun and for the first time in all the years she has known him, he seems genuinely happy.</p><p>But they still haven't had sex.</p><p>She hates herself for thinking of it in those terms. They have had sex, really, by any sensible definition. They've had a lot of practice with fingers and mouths since they got together, and damn it, but they're seriously good. Their communication is on point and they know how to make each other feel great.</p><p>But Clarke still feels anxious as hell about the thought of actual penetration, the whole penis-in-vagina side of things. It's ridiculous that she's putting so much pressure on herself over this. Apart from anything else, she thinks it's silly and biased of her to feel like penises in vaginas count as "real sex". It's not like she ever tried that with Lexa or with Niylah, for obvious reasons. She's ashamed of herself for taking such an implicitly intolerant view of her own sexuality.</p><p>All the same, she knows there is no reasoning with anxiety. However much she might genuinely believe that hands and mouths are sex too, she cannot force herself not to be nervous about penetration. She is nervous, and that's that.</p><p>She thinks that her relationship history is part of the issue, actually. It's a long time since she slept with a guy, and she knows Bellamy is bigger than Finn. She's nervous about it <em>hurting, </em>which makes her feel pretty pathetic. She knows she's safe with Bellamy, really she does.</p><p>And yet she's still freaking out.</p><p>She tries to rein in her nerves. Tonight would be a great opportunity to take that final step. All she needs to do is invite Bellamy to go to bed early, and tell him that she's a little nervous but she wants to try having his cock inside her tonight, and it'll all be fine.</p><p>"You OK?" He asks softly, looking at her curiously across the table. Madi has just headed off to bed, and they are alone.</p><p>Clarke can hear her pulse racing in her ears. "Yeah. Yeah, fine."</p><p>He reaches out to squeeze her hand. He always did know when she was lying, she reflects. "What do you want to do tonight?"</p><p>She gathers her courage. She just needs to ask him to screw her. It'll be OK. It'll probably even be <em>fun</em> – they really are a good match in bed. She needs to pull herself together and do this, because she's a confident young woman who thinks with her head.</p><p>"Can we play chess?" She asks, ashamed of herself for her weakness.</p><p>He nods, smiling. "Sure we can."</p><p>They set up the board in silence. Clarke tries not to dwell on her recent failure, but she doesn't entirely succeed. She doesn't know why she's so damn scared about this. She's done harder things than this before now – or at least, things that most people would consider harder. It turns out emotions cannot always be reasoned away, she muses, annoyed.</p><p>"You know you can tell me anything." Bellamy reminds her. Just that – no pestering, no pressure.</p><p>She nods. She'll tell him one day, just as soon as she can find the words.</p><p>For now, though, she gives up and pursues a different subject. There's no point sitting here and torturing herself, and she and Bellamy still have a couple more stops on their tour of past regrets, she thinks.</p><p>"You know Thelonius Jaha gave me my first ever chess set? I used to go over there all the time to play with Wells but he decided I ought to have one of my own." She recalls. "Wells was so upset. He thought I wouldn't want to stop by and play with him if I had my own chess set."</p><p>"He was wrong." Bellamy concludes.</p><p>"Yeah. So wrong. If anything it made us even closer – like we were the only two people in this little chess club."</p><p>"I love hearing about your childhood. I know we lived in different worlds back then but it's good to hear about where you came from."</p><p>She smiles, squeezes his hand. "You, too."</p><p>Bellamy moves a knight. Clarke isn't sure what he's hoping to achieve by doing that, but she supposes that's his business. She's perfectly aware that this isn't his favourite activity in the world, anyway. They're doing this to spend time together rather than for the sake of the game, and that's OK. They have leisure time to waste on things like this, now the world has stopped ending.</p><p>"I miss Thelonius." Clarke mutters, making her move. "Not like I miss Wells, of course. But – he was my best friend's dad. He's in half my childhood memories. And now he's dead and I never said goodbye."</p><p>Bellamy squeezes her hand in silent understanding. That seems to have become their thing, these days, and she likes it. She supposes it's been heading this way ever since she took his hand the day she took the flame – or perhaps even since he didn't let her fall into that spiked pit.</p><p>She continues to remember Jaha. "I didn't even mark it, really. I don't know what happened to the body."</p><p>"You could ask O if it will help you say goodbye."</p><p>She nods. "I might do that."</p><p>There's a slight pause. Bellamy makes his move. Clarke tries not to stare at him – she's somehow still prone to doing that.</p><p>Then Bellamy speaks up. "I shot him."</p><p>"Yes. I'm aware."</p><p>"I mean – I shot him. Your family friend. Your best friend's father. It's like what we said about growing up in different worlds."</p><p>"But here we are now. You're right. It's kind of funny."</p><p>She doesn't mean funny as in amusing, but she knows she doesn't need to tell Bellamy that. Sometimes fate has a twisted sense of humour, but at least they're together, now, with some hope of a peaceful future.</p><p>…...</p><p>Occasionally Bellamy finds himself wishing that Clarke wouldn't put so much pressure on herself. But then he remembers that she wouldn't be Clarke if she didn't have that tendency, so he resigns himself to supporting her through it as best as he can. It's not like she's suddenly going to stop being the kind of woman who was an Ark medical apprentice or appointed herself in charge of a hundred teenagers or took responsibility for saving the human race. All he can do is help her to see that their lives do not have such high stakes any more.</p><p>It's one of the reasons they make such a great couple, he figures. They balance each other in all the obvious ways – heart against head, Factory against Alpha – but also in more subtle ways. They help each other to remember not to hate themselves, not to blame themselves, not to burden themselves with unhelpful expectations.</p><p>He's never been in a relationship before that was so genuinely <em>healthy</em>, with this kind of give and take. He always knew he loved Clarke, and found her pretty stunning, but through being with her he's learnt that they're fantastically <em>functional</em> together, too. Everyday compatibility might not be the stuff of romantic poetry, but he's convinced that it's invaluable.</p><p>So that's how he finds himself, now, lying in bed and holding her stiff body and wondering how to convince her to calm down. She's been getting increasingly nervous about sex again, these last few days, and he suspects it's because she feels they're supposed to be moving faster.</p><p>To be clear, he doesn't care what speed they move at. He doesn't care if they never move further than this at all – he loves Clarke for who she is, and if she sucks him off rather often so much the better. He doesn't need her to pressure herself to try anything else.</p><p>He figures it might be best just to come out and say that.</p><p>"We don't have to have sex tonight." He says, matter of fact.</p><p>She tenses even more. "We should. I want to."</p><p>He sighs. Those are two very different statements, and he's pretty sure neither of them are true.</p><p>"I love you." He reminds her.</p><p>That gets her to relax a little, thank goodness. "I love you, too. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."</p><p>"There's nothing <em>wrong</em> with you." He tells her, fierce. "You've just survived a frightening childhood and the deaths of loads of people you care about and the end of the world and six years almost alone. Oh, and you've got a broken leg."</p><p>She laughs. "Fair point."</p><p>"I just wish you'd give yourself a break sometimes." He dares to whisper. He wishes it more than anything – that she could just take a step back and be content to live a quiet life with him and Madi in this home. And he thought they were getting there, really he did, until she started freaking out about sex all over again.</p><p>"I'm trying." She swallows. "You really help me with that."</p><p>"We help each other."</p><p>She nods, relaxes into his embrace a little. This is good, he decides. This is progress.</p><p>"I really do want to – to have you screw me." She says quietly. "I've wanted it for <em>years</em>. But that's fighting a whole load of anxiety and the anxiety always seems to win."</p><p>"What are you anxious about?"</p><p>She pauses a moment. "I'm worried it will hurt. That's part of it. But most of it isn't really <em>about</em> anything at all. It's just – there. Just fear."</p><p>He hugs her tight. "Think that maybe goes back to what we were saying about losing people and the end of the world?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>He presses a kiss to the crown of her head. "I don't want this to be something you're anxious about. I want this to be something good, something that makes us both happy. If you're worried about having my cock inside you then let's take a step back. Let's not do that at all. Let's do things that we know we'll enjoy."</p><p>She sighs. "I'd like that."</p><p>He can feel her relax further, now. It's like she needed his permission to take some of that pressure off herself, he frets. Maybe that's something they could keep working on in the future. The more he gets to know her, the more he realises that she's not the cold creature of logic she has sometimes looked like from the outside. He's always known that she has feelings, of course, but there's even more going on with her emotions than he ever realised.</p><p>He hopes to spend the rest of his life learning more about that.</p><p>He doesn't move for several long seconds. He just lies there, breathing, holding Clarke. She can make a move when she's ready to – or she can not make a move. That's fine too.</p><p>She shifts to kiss him, after a while. The kisses are gentle, exploratory, gaining confidence. He finds it pretty cool that they're at the point in this relationship, now, where they have this usual angle their lips always fit together at. It's like coming home.</p><p>He lets her set the pace, but that doesn't mean he does nothing. He strokes a slow hand over the soft skin of her back, tangles his legs with her own uninjured one. They're still kissing, but it's a rather less lazy kiss, as Clarke nips at his lower lip and he lets out a huff of breathy laughter.</p><p>"You doing alright?" He checks in with her.</p><p>"Great." She confirms, before kissing her way down his neck.</p><p>She gets a little bolder, then, kissing him more deeply, tugging gently at his hair. He answers in kind, pulling her hips snug to his so he can grind against her a little. He's hard and very much in the mood, but he wants to leave her to set the pace.</p><p>As if reading his mind, she decides she's ready to move faster. She reaches for his cock and starts stroking it smoothly.</p><p>He groans. He often does, when Clarke has her hand on his cock. He's past being embarrassed by that, now.</p><p>"Touch me." She pleads.</p><p>That always gets him. Every time she begs for his fingers like that, he loses another fragment of his self-control. He reaches for her, holds her tight with one arm as he starts working her up with his other hand.</p><p>"That's great, Bellamy. Feels really good." She huffs.</p><p>He only moans. He's not that great at talking while she's distracting him.</p><p>"Thank you." She gasps. "Thanks for taking care of me."</p><p>That has him biting her lip and swallowing her sigh. He loves hearing her talk like that, loves the idea of taking care of her in every possible way. He just wants her to feel safe and happy with him, more than anything.</p><p>It seems like they're doing pretty well at that, today.</p><p>"Love you." He pants, aware that it's hardly a sophisticated comment, but at least it's heartfelt.</p><p>"Love you too." She kisses him firmly. "Love how you make me feel safe."</p><p>He pauses just a second, brushes a strand of hair off her face. He wants to be able to look at her for what he plans to say next.</p><p>"You're safe with me." He promises. "Always."</p><p>She smiles, reaches up for another kiss. And he tries to get back to work bringing her pleasure, but for some reason she bats his hand away.</p><p>He doesn't try to argue, of course. If she wants him to stop, then that's that. Whatever she needs.</p><p>Having batted his hand away, she lets go of his cock. And then, in a gesture that is impossible to misunderstand, she settles both of her hands on his butt and tries to tug his hips towards her.</p><p>"I want to try it." She murmurs, looking him right in the eyes.</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Yeah. Certain. I'm feeling really good." She swallows. "I think talking about it just now helped. And we can go back to this if it doesn't work out."</p><p>"Of course we can." He kisses her softly. "We can stop any time you need to. And we can go back to hands or whatever else you want."</p><p>"Yeah. So let's try."</p><p>He nods. "OK. Let me just check you're ready." He takes his hand back to the crook of her legs, eases a couple of fingers inside of her. She's wet and eager, and pretty relaxed.</p><p>He figures they're good to go.</p><p>"We're going slowly, OK?" He hovers over her, gets lined up.</p><p>"Not too slowly. I want you now." Clarke tells him, grinning sharply.</p><p>He laughs, and gets on with it. He does move slowly, yes, but she's right – she's more than ready for this. It's an interesting test of his self control, because on the one hand it feels good and he wants to be moving inside her already, but on the other hand, he gets off far more on Clarke's approval than he does on physical sensation, he's pretty sure. He just wants her to keep looking up at him with those warm eyes and telling him he's great at taking care of her.</p><p>"That feels fine." She tells him, when he's pretty much in place. "That's good. You can start moving."</p><p>He starts slow, and small, just the tiniest tilts of his pelvis back and forth. Even that is enough to get him worked up, seeing as he was already half-gone before they even switched to this. Clarke seems to be experiencing something pretty similar, as she digs her nails into his butt and nuzzles into his collarbone.</p><p>"Faster." She gasps, breathless.</p><p>Well, now. He's not going to let her down.</p><p>He starts to move quicker, takes longer strokes. It feels really good, but more than that, the whole experience is awesome. Clarke is holding him tight, murmuring encouraging noises, gasping when he hits just the right spot. She's obviously happy, in short, and that's what makes this really special.</p><p>It's not long before he's teetering on the edge of his control. He'd like to be a generous lover and hold off until Clarke comes, but he's not sure he has that in him. He's not sure about anything much, except that Clarke is beautiful, and he loves her, and this feels incredible.</p><p>Then she's coming, tipping him over the edge in turn, as they both cling to each other and wait for the pleasure to subside.</p><p>They lie there for a few seconds. Bellamy is tempted to stay here forever, actually. He cannot really see any sense in moving when he's pretty certain this is the best place on Earth.</p><p>Clarke lets out a slightly breathless laugh. "So that happened. Maybe next time I'm freaking out about something you should just finger me for a minute."</p><p>He rolls off her reluctantly, but doesn't go far. "Would that work if you were freaking out about something other than sex?"</p><p>"Not sure. We should try it out to check."</p><p>He makes an agreeing noise and kisses her for a few moments. He's not kissed her in several seconds, and he figures that's too long.</p><p>Then he realises rather abruptly that he's been a terrible partner in one key regard. "I should probably have checked earlier – how's the leg?" He asks.</p><p>She laughs. She laughs more these days, and he likes it. "It's fine. No damage done. I can't wait to get the cast off. Then I can go on top next time."</p><p>"I'm already looking forward to it." Maybe that makes him pathetic, or perhaps it just means he's in love. Either way, he is looking forward to it, and that's the honest truth.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we are with the final chapter! Huge thanks to everyone who has stuck with this so far and even huger thanks to Stormkpr for being the greatest beta in the world. I hope this might prove to be something of an antidote to last night's episode... Happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once again, Bellamy finds himself at the med centre fretting over the health of someone he loves, this morning. But this time he's not pacing outside waiting for Madi. Today he's sitting on a chair and watching Jackson cut the cast off Clarke's leg, while Madi looks about her in fascination.</p><p>"What does that thing do?" The child asks, pointing.</p><p>"That's for checking blood pressure. We don't really need that today." Clarke explains.</p><p>Madi nods. She's silent for a moment. Jackson's making progress with the cast.</p><p>"And what does that thing do?" Madi asks, pointing in the opposite direction.</p><p>"That's for giving extra oxygen. Again, not what we're working with today." Clarke says.</p><p>Jackson pauses his task, looks up. "Madi. Please don't take this the wrong way but would you mind keeping quiet until I'm done? How about I show you round the med centre once we're finished here? And then you can ask all your questions?"</p><p>Bellamy's pleased he said that. He knows that the tools Jackson is using are specifically designed not to cut Clarke whilst removing the cast. But all the same he doesn't much like the idea of the doctor being distracted while he's holding sharp instruments near Clarke's leg.</p><p>Madi nods, contrite, and lapses into silence.</p><p>"It's OK." Bellamy whispers to her. "I know you're just worried and bored. But it looks like we're nearly done."</p><p>She nods again, a little more cheerfully this time. And then Clarke throws her a quick smile, and that seems to soothe her, too.</p><p>It's only a couple more minutes before Jackson has finished and is slipping the remnants of the cast from around Clarke's leg. And then Clarke is getting to her feet, using her crutches for support.</p><p>"Why do you still have those?" Madi asks, alarmed. "I thought you'd be able to walk now."</p><p>"It's not as simple as that. I should use these for a little while until my leg is strong again." Clarke explains. "You see how my bad leg looks thin and kind of sad? I can't just start running about today."</p><p>"Oh." Madi looks downcast.</p><p>"But it won't be long." Clarke rushes to assure her. "And then you can show me all the parts of Polis you and Bellamy have been exploring."</p><p>"I'd like that." Madi says, brightening.</p><p>She's more emotional since she had the flame taken out, Bellamy thinks. More prone to ups and downs. Of course, he doesn't really know what she was like before he returned from space, and Clarke has said she's not worried. Overall, at least she's acting more like a child.</p><p>"Come on, Madi. I said I'd show you everything. You can ask me all those questions." Jackson invites her, gesturing to the door.</p><p>Madi nods, excited, and makes haste to follow him.</p><p>Bellamy stands up, then, and crosses the floor to Clarke. He's not kissed her in a good fifteen minutes, and that's far too long for his liking.</p><p>He makes up for it, cupping a hand around the back of her head, stroking her hair softly with his thumb as he pulls her in for a deep kiss. It's perhaps a little excessive, for a passing kiss in the med centre, but she doesn't seem to be complaining as she kisses him back eagerly.</p><p>"Well at least you're not grossed out by the leg." She makes a joke of it, but he can hear real insecurity in her words.</p><p>"Not at all." He shrugs. He glances at the healing leg and yeah, sure, it's lost some muscle and the skin looks pretty dry but it's still a leg, isn't it? And it's still <em>Clarke</em>'s leg, so that's what matters.</p><p>"Thanks, Bellamy." She says, heart in her voice, as she reaches up to press a kiss to the soft skin of his neck, of all places.</p><p>It sends a shiver right through him. He's not sure whether it's her tone or the kiss. He's noticed that they don't go in for pet names between the two of them, that there's none of the sugary staged affection he's sometimes seen between other couples. But when she says his name like that, he decides that's far more genuinely loving than any pet name could ever be.</p><p>He pulls her into a tight hug and tells her he loves her. He's got nearly seventeen years of that to make up for, after all.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke waits until she can more or less walk before going to wake her mother. They have years before they wake Wonkru – she figures that there is no rush to get Abby clean and operate on Kane until it is practical to do so.</p><p>She refuses Bellamy's offer to come with her. Waking her mother is something she thinks she has to do alone – not in a spirit of <em>I bear it so they don't have to</em>, but because she thinks both she and Abby need to face up to everything that has turned challenging and even sour about their relationship. Clarke therefore leaves Bellamy and Madi to work on the house and makes her way slowly to the ship.</p><p>The cryosleep room is much as she remembers it. Only three months ago, she was waking up here herself. She remembers it well – feeling lost and alone and trying to figure out whether she was allowed to smile at Bellamy.</p><p>It's been a long three months, but in the best of ways. Sure, she could have done without the broken leg and the sunstroke and the conflict with Madi over the flame. But if there's one thing she's learnt on the ground, it's that you have to take happiness whenever and wherever you can find it. And she's certainly found more of it in the last three months than she could ever have predicted.</p><p>She finds Abby's pod and gets started on waking her.</p><p>It doesn't take long. It's a surreal process, really – within seconds her mother is standing in front of her, still looking tired and thin, but very much awake.</p><p>Clarke isn't sure who initiates the hug, but either way they're hugging, and that's what matters. It's a good hug, firmer and stronger than she expected, and she's feeling hopeful as she pulls away to meet her mother's eyes.</p><p>"You've been awake for a while." Abby notes, looking her up and down.</p><p>"Yeah. Three months or so."</p><p>Abby nods, looking around the room. "And others with you?"</p><p>"Yeah. Not many. Just a handful of us to get started with the farm and the building work. I – I didn't want to wake you until the med centre was ready. I hope you understand." She bites her lip, suddenly nervous. "Jackson and I thought – that maybe you could take some time to recover. And then we'll both help you with Kane's surgery."</p><p>Abby looks tearful, but not at all offended. "That sounds like a good plan, Clarke. I'm proud of you. I guess this hasn't been easy."</p><p>Clarke considers her answer for a moment. No, it hasn't been easy as such – but it's been so far from the hardest three months of her life.</p><p>"It's going really well, actually." She opts for, in the end. She makes it sound like a statement about the community as a whole, because she's still getting the hang of the idea that she could rejoice in her own personal happiness.</p><p>"That's good. What's been happening?" Clarke is pleased to hear her phrase it like that, rather than a hurt demand to know what she has missed.</p><p>"The farm's doing really well. Monty says we should be able to start harvesting the first produce before long. The med centre's ready and the school is underway."</p><p>"Great. Anything else you want to tell me?" Abby asks, eyes ever so slightly narrowed.</p><p>"Everyone's well. Raven and Shaw are going steady. Monty and Harper have a son, Jordan – I'm his godmother. And I know Jackson's looking forward to seeing you."</p><p>"And how have you been?" Abby demands, rather more pointed, eyes definitely narrowed now.</p><p>"I'm doing well. I broke my leg early on but it's healed nicely. Madi's good – she doesn't have the flame any more."</p><p>"Anything else?" Abby prompts, her frown almost beginning to curl into a grin.</p><p>Clarke ducks her head, flushing a little as she admits defeat. "Bellamy moved in with us. He – I – yeah." She gives a nervous laugh. "We're together now."</p><p>At that, Abby pulls her into another hug. "I'm so happy to hear that, honey." She says, as she pulls away.</p><p>"What? Not going to tell me it's about time?" Clarke cannot resist teasing.</p><p>Abby laughs, a trace of the good-humoured mother Clarke grew up with breaking through. "I wouldn't dream of it."</p><p>Clarke stands there for a moment, tries to take this all in. Her mum is still in there somewhere – she still knows how to hug and laugh and root for her daughter's happiness. With a med centre and a circle of supportive friends and family, this is all going to turn out OK – she is determined of it.</p><p>"Do you want to come say hi to him and Madi?" She offers. She's not used to acting spontaneously, but she figures this might be a good way of setting her mother off down a more healthy path.</p><p>Abby's smile dims a little. "I don't mind, really. Whatever you think is best."</p><p>"Come on, stop by the house. They'd like to see you." Clarke says. It's probably a lie, but she doesn't suppose it's a lie that will hurt anyone. "And then there's a room ready for you over the med centre. We figure you can stay there for now and choose somewhere more permanent with Kane when he's recovered."</p><p>Abby nods thoughtfully. "Do you think it's a good idea for me to live at the med centre?"</p><p>"Jackson has the key for the closet with the pain medication in." Clarke mutters, uncomfortable, but knowing it needs to be said.</p><p>Abby, though, does not seem to find that uncomfortable in the slightest. On the contrary, she visibly relaxes, then gives a resolute nod.</p><p>"OK. Thanks, Clarke. I know – you didn't expect to have to look after your own mother. It's supposed to be the other way round, isn't it? And I know I've really upset Jackson, since Praimfaya."</p><p>"He's already forgiven you. So have I. We just want you to get better." Clarke admits, eyes growing damp.</p><p>"Thank you, honey." Abby draws herself up a little taller. "Go on, then. Let's go see Madi and Bellamy."</p><p>Clarke is irrationally excited about this, as they walk to the house. She's excited at the prospect of having the mother she used to know and love return to her, rather than the manipulative stranger her addiction shaped her into. She's excited about having all three of the people she loves the most in the same room at the same time.</p><p>More than anything, she's excited about showing off her new family and home.</p><p>"Bellamy and Madi are working on the house a lot at the moment." She explains as they approach. "We're renovating the house next door and knocking through the hallway to make an extension."</p><p>"An extension?" Abby asks, all curiosity. "Why didn't you just choose a big enough house in the first place?"</p><p>Clarke laughs. It's the first time she's managed to laugh about the messy circumstances of her getting together with Bellamy, and she's proud of herself for how far she has come.</p><p>"You know what it's always been like with me and Bellamy." She reminds her mother. "We didn't decide to move in together until after I'd already chosen the house, thinking I was only ever going to live with Madi. And then we got together, and then we started talking about kids – that's when we realised we were going to need a bigger place."</p><p>"That does sound like you two."</p><p>"Here we are." Clarke gestures to the house. "They're not really expecting us so they're probably covered in plaster."</p><p>Right on cue, Madi pushes the door open. "Clarke? I thought I heard you! Abby!"</p><p>Bellamy steps into the door frame behind her, a mildly exasperated look on his face. "I think what Madi's trying to say is welcome." He offers.</p><p>Abby takes a few more steps forward, pauses a polite couple of paces from the door. Clarke supposes this is her moment to smooth things over – she ought to invite her mother in for a glass of water and a look around the house, for example.</p><p>But then Madi dives forwards and hugs Abby around the waist. "Welcome to New Polis!" She exclaims as she pulls away. "I mean, I guess it's the same place as old Polis. But we're making it better!"</p><p>"Oh?" Abby asks, politely curious.</p><p>"Yes. We're rebuilding everything and there's going to be a democratic council and they might name the school after the hundred." Madi explains, with substantial enthusiasm.</p><p>Abby catches Clarke's eye. "Those do sound like good things."</p><p>"We're hoping so." Bellamy agrees, following Madi's example and crossing the distance between the house and the street where Abby still hovers.</p><p>There's another short pause. Clarke wonders, again, if this is her cue to invite her mother in.</p><p>But then, of all things, Abby is reaching out to offer Bellamy a tentative hug. And Bellamy is hugging her back – briefly and a little stiffly – but it's happening.</p><p>"Do you want to come in and look around the house?" He asks her. Clarke is pretty good at reading him by now, can sense the conflict between his discomfort and determination to be kind. "You'd be very welcome, Dr Griffin."</p><p>Abby fixes him with a stern look. "I'd love to. But I think you can probably call me Abby now, don't you?"</p><p>He nods, swallows loudly. "Yeah. Of course – Abby. Welcome to our home, I guess."</p><p>Madi steps up and insists on being the one to give the tour of the house. Clarke doesn't think that <em>tour</em> is necessarily the right term for exploring a home with so few rooms, but she's not arguing.</p><p>No, she's too busy reaching out to squeeze Bellamy's hand, and telling him with her eyes that he handled that situation perfectly.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy is probably too excited about the house.</p><p>It's only a house, after all – walls and windows and roof tiles, arranged to keep the weather out. And yeah, sure, he put quite a lot of time and effort into it, but no more than he ever put into being a guard or learning Trig or cleaning toilets.</p><p>It's more about what the house represents. He's aware that makes him a sentimental fool, but Clarke seems increasingly understanding of his tendency to let his emotions lead the way, these days. In fact, she's heading slightly that way herself, as far as he can see.</p><p>So, yeah – this home means a lot to him. It's the physical representation of his relationship with Clarke and fostering of Madi, as well as their future hope to expand their family further. But even more of that, it's everything he never thought he could even dream of having, in the past. As a kid he never imagined having his own life and his own home – his existence was too tied up with Octavia's to allow for that. So something about this new arrangement mirrors rather beautifully the way that he's renounced his responsibility towards her, and decided to have a go at being more brother and friend than father to her. And all those months they lived on Earth before he didn't dare to hope for lasting peace to build a life with Clarke. All those years he lived in space, he thought she was dead, and he'd have no future with her at all.</p><p>He's never been so happy to be proven wrong.</p><p>Maybe that's what makes him suggest it.</p><p>"We should invite everyone over when the house is finished." He suggests to Clarke, one evening.</p><p>"Like a party?" She asks, thoughtful.</p><p>He frowns. He hates parties. He lost his sister at a party. He lost Jasper and Bree and half the rest of the hundred at a party.</p><p>Maybe this is an opportunity to make some happier memories to overwrite the sad.</p><p>"Sure. Like a party." He swallows. "Maybe we don't make it a big deal. Just lots of company and some food."</p><p>"Yeah. I'd like that."</p><p>And then, because she's Clarke, and she always knows what he needs better than he knows it himself, she pulls him into a heartfelt hug and presses a kiss to his neck.</p><p>…...</p><p>Bellamy isn't sure this celebration would count as a party, back on Earth before the bombs. It doesn't look much like the movies he's seen, nor the socials they used to hold back on the Ark, but that's fine by him.</p><p>It started out as Shaw and Miller lingering after they helped him finish the last few tasks on the house this afternoon. And then Raven showed up, ostensibly looking for Shaw, and never left. Jackson and Abby, too, appeared long before the time anyone was actually invited to arrive, but he figures that's not the end of the world. He would know – he's seen the end of the world, after all. Twice.</p><p>Then Monty appeared with a batch of moonshine and a selection of green salads, and that's when things really got interesting.</p><p>So now, here he is, pleasantly tipsy, watching his friends mill about in his home. Clarke's not at his side right now, which is a shame. She seems to have been sidetracked by a spirited discussion with Raven about something he cannot hear.</p><p>Murphy and Emori tumble through the door, fashionably late as ever.</p><p>"Thanks for inviting us over." Emori says, smiling.</p><p>"Who the hell serves salad at a party?" Murphy asks, frowning.</p><p>Bellamy laughs. These two are, he thinks, probably the most perfectly balanced couple he has ever met – apart from himself and Clarke, of course.</p><p>"It's better than algae." He says.</p><p>Murphy is still staring at the refreshments table. "Seriously, though? Moonshine and salad?"</p><p>Bellamy shrugs. "Monty brought them. He said that was all that was ready for eating from the farm so far."</p><p>The two of them go on their way, picking up cups of moonshine and beginning to mingle with the crowd. Bellamy spends a few moments with Abby and Jackson, then moves on to Miller. He and Shaw seem to have become good friends, which is a good thing in many ways. But the disadvantage of it is that the two of them can now team up to try to encourage him to drink more moonshine than he ought.</p><p>He declines, because he has a daughter to supervise. Also because he wants to be sober enough to enjoy making love with Clarke when all their guests have gone home. He has his priorities in the right place, he's pretty sure.</p><p>He moves a bit further round the room, catches sight of Murphy eating some of that salad. He knew that would happen – he'll tease his old friend about it later. Octavia steps into his path, Echo lurking just next to her shoulder.</p><p>"Good party, big brother."</p><p>He grins. "Not bad, is it? Thanks for helping Monty with the food."</p><p>"No problem."</p><p>"The house is lovely." Echo offers. "Madi said she helped with it a lot?"</p><p>"Yeah. It's been a family project." He says, rather proud. "Clarke was painting the walls as soon as she was back on her feet."</p><p>"It's good to see you all happy." That's a statement he would almost expect from Octavia, now that they are reconciled. But it's interesting to hear the words on Echo's lips.</p><p>"Thanks, Echo."</p><p>She looks away, uncomfortable. He doesn't miss the concerned look Octavia shoots in her direction. But there's more good than bad here, he decides – a little awkwardness between former lovers is to be expected, but at least everyone in their small community genuinely wishes each other well.</p><p>That's more than he could have predicted, three months ago.</p><p>…...</p><p>Clarke loves her family and friends, and she enjoys the party. But she's almost relieved by the time the last people leave – Emori ushering a rather drunk Murphy out the door, naturally.</p><p>"It's the salad." Murphy exclaims as he goes. "What kind of snack is salad? Doesn't soak up the moonshine."</p><p>He falls over the doorstep a little, then turns suddenly to look Clarke right in the eye.</p><p>"Good party, Clarke. But next time, no salad."</p><p>Clarke feels Bellamy walk up behind her and place a hand at her waist.</p><p>"We got it, Murphy. No salad. Think you might have mentioned that once or twice already." He says, laughing.</p><p>Emori's giggling, too. Apparently she's had a drink or two herself. "See you, guys. Thanks for the party!"</p><p>They stand at the door and watch them make their way down the street. Madi joins in, too, waving with considerable enthusiasm.</p><p>At last, Emori and Murphy are out of sight, and the three of them have the place to themselves.</p><p>"What did you make of the party, Madi?" Bellamy asks.</p><p>She wrinkles her nose a little. "It was fun. But adults are really stupid when they get drunk."</p><p>"Your mum doesn't get stupid when she drinks. She gets <em>fun</em>." Bellamy teases, slanting Clarke a loaded look.</p><p>Clarke ignores him and concentrates on the serious aspect of parenting for a moment. "What you saw tonight was mostly not adults being really <em>drunk</em>, Madi. You saw them starting to act silly or laugh too loudly. It's when a person drinks more than that, sometimes it can get dangerous."</p><p>Madi rolls her eyes. "Don't worry. You've got a couple of years yet before me and Jordan start sneaking Uncle Monty's moonshine."</p><p>Clarke grins. "Good. Because that stuff is both strong and disgusting."</p><p>Bellamy laughs. "Not what you said, that first Unity Day."</p><p>"Unity Day?" Madi asks, alert. "Is there more to that story? I only ever heard about the peace talks and the shooting." As usual, it seems, she is keen to sniff out any opportunity to learn more of her parents' story.</p><p>Bellamy appears only too happy to oblige. "There's not much more. We had a party, there were drinks. Oh, and it was the night I really noticed I had a crush on Clarke."</p><p>Clarke gapes at him, stunned. They've been together weeks now, and this is the first she is hearing about that revelation.</p><p>Madi, meanwhile, is laughing gleefully. "A crush? That's so sweet." She teases. "Clarke always said you became friends that day at the supply depot. And Unity Day was just after that?"</p><p>Bellamy grins. "Not long after, yeah. And Clarke was having a drink and enjoying herself and – yeah. She kept smiling at me."</p><p>"I smiled at you <em>twice</em>." Clarke scoffs.</p><p>"I counted three times. Which was more than you'd ever smiled at me before, so I was a goner."</p><p>She cannot help smiling up at him, now, on hearing that. "You kept smiling at me, too. You've got a good smile, you know that?"</p><p>"I'm out of here." Madi announces, clapping her hands decisively. "I love you both, but if you're going to start gushing about each other's <em>smiles</em> I'm going to bed."</p><p>"Sorry. We'll stop." Bellamy says, sheepish.</p><p>"No, it's good. It's getting late." Madi points out.</p><p>Clarke's pretty sure the parents are supposed to tell the kid that, but Madi's always been a very special child.</p><p>"See you in the morning, Madi. Love you." She pulls her daughter into a goodnight hug.</p><p>Bellamy joins in, wrapping his arms around both of them. "Lots of love, kid. Sleep well."</p><p>Madi hugs them both back for a moment, then disentangles herself and bounces off down the hall.</p><p>Clarke and Bellamy stand there for a moment, arms still loosely wrapped around each other. Clarke casts a quick look about her – the salad and moonshine are all gone, but there are cups and bowls littered around the place and she supposes she ought to tidy them up.</p><p>Or she could do that tomorrow. She could see to her own happiness first, and deal with her responsibilities in the morning. Maybe that's an approach both of them could try more often.</p><p>"Come on. We should try out our new bedroom." She suggests, taking Bellamy's hand.</p><p>He doesn't argue. Quite the opposite – he nods and kisses her briefly on the lips.</p><p>They set out down the corridor, heading for their room at the opposite end of the house. They have a real bed in here and everything, now. The bed frame was a gift from Miller, made with his own hands. Clarke finds it a little entertaining that Bellamy's good friend gifted him a bed to endorse his newfound happy relationship, but she's not inclined to argue. It really is a very good bed.</p><p>"What are you in the mood for?" Bellamy asks, when they arrive. That's mostly how things work, now – Clarke's pretty comfortable in the bedroom these days, but she still likes to feel like she knows what's happening. A casual question or two about what they fancy doing is a good way to work around that without it feeling like she has to initiate all the time.</p><p>"I want your cock inside me." She answers, immediately and with conviction.</p><p>Bellamy swallows loudly. That's partly why she said it like that – sure, she's all about being honest and decisive, but she also likes to tease him a little.</p><p>"We can do that." He agrees, voice kind of croaky.</p><p>She puts him out of his misery. She reaches up to kiss him eagerly – almost desperately – and tangle her hands in his hair. He responds in kind, gripping at her waist, holding her tight against him.</p><p>It's not long before their hands start wandering, growing more curious, more urgent. Clarke finds herself tugging Bellamy's shirt off, and finds that his hand is on the bare skin of her waist beneath her top. She decides to help him out, raising her arms to imply that it's about time he got her clothes out of the way, too.</p><p>They keep kissing as the rest of their clothes follow, shorts tossed into corners, underwear discarded on the floor. Clarke still has something of a fascination with Bellamy's body, even after all these weeks, so she cannot resist breaking away from his lips for a moment to kiss her way across the firm plains of his chest.</p><p>"You OK there?" He asks, teasing.</p><p>"Just appreciating you."</p><p>He cups her breast in response to that, tweaks slightly at her nipple. She gasps in surprised pleasure, and switches her kisses for a spot of nibbling at his collarbone. He likes that, she can tell – he's somehow even closer to her, grinding against her without the slightest attempt at subtlety.</p><p>"Could you go on top today?" He murmurs, hand still distractingly toying with her breast. "I like looking up at you."</p><p>She nods, eager. "Sure. Go lie down, then."</p><p>He walks backwards to the bed, holding her hands and pulling her with him as he goes. It's maybe a little silly, to be so excited that he's holding her hands right now, but it's very <em>them</em>, she thinks. It's completely in keeping with the blend of passion and tender care that characterises their sex life.</p><p>And then he's lying down, tugging at her hips to urge her over him. She takes the hint, sinks down onto his cock. She's pretty used to the feeling of fullness, now, and is eager to get moving right away.</p><p>She's a fan of this position. Sure, it's a little awkward to kiss him unless she leans right forward and he strains up to meet her, but they have the rest of their lives to catch up on kisses. She enjoys being able to look down at his blissful expression as she moves above him, and she knows he likes the view as her breasts bounce and her hair swings. She loves the exquisite pressure of sitting right on top of him, loves the way he teases her nipples with his fingertips.</p><p>Most of all, she loves the eye contact. She's never really been a fan of eye contact during sex until she started making love with Bellamy, but now she cannot imagine her life without it. She seriously gets off on being able to see him growing more excited, his eyes lighting up and ultimately glazing over slightly. But above everything, she appreciates the love and care and even adoration she can see when he looks up at her.</p><p>It never takes him long to come like this. He used to be embarrassed about that, back in the beginning, but they've already managed to establish she's more flattered than annoyed by it. And she's already teetering pretty close to the edge, herself, and as she grinds against him she can feel her orgasm creeping up on her.</p><p>"So good." He gasps, audibly close to falling apart. "So good, Clarke. Yes, Princess. Yeah."</p><p>His words stop making sense, then. They stop being so much words as random strings of syllables, and gasping noises, and sheer joy. She stops listening to him, her world reduced only to his cock and her pleasure and his warm eyes.</p><p>Then she's falling apart, clenching around him, pulsing as he spills inside of her.</p><p>She stays sitting there as they come down. Partly because she wants to ride out the aftershocks, partly because she wants to see the moment his gaze clears and he starts telling her how good that was, how he enjoyed it, how much he loves her. He tends to be pretty vocal about his appreciation after sex.</p><p>"That was so good." He tells her, right on cue, reaching up to cup her cheek with his hand. "I love you so much."</p><p>"I love you too." She wiggles her hips a little, chasing the last echoes of pleasure and wondering if she ought to move.</p><p>He strokes her cheek some more. She traces a fingertip over his chest. Their breathing returns to normal.</p><p>And then -</p><p>"Did I hear you call me <em>Princess</em>, just then?" She cannot help but ask it.</p><p>His eyes dart away, embarrassed. "You might have done."</p><p>"You've not called me that in years."</p><p>He looks absolutely mortified, now. "Sorry. I didn't mean – sorry. It just slipped out."</p><p>She climbs off him, settles next to him and hugs him tight. "I don't know why you're apologising. It was kind of hot, to be honest with you."</p><p>He jumps as if startled. "It was?"</p><p>"Yeah. Reminded me of what we were saying to Madi earlier about flirting at Unity Day when we were younger."</p><p>"<em>That</em> was flirting?" He asks, his confidence apparently restored enough to tease.</p><p>She snorts. "My point is, if you wanted to call me that more often, I wouldn't mind. If you wanted to say that in bed, I mean." She stumbles over the words, now at least as shy as he looked just a moment ago.</p><p>"I guess I'll bear that in mind." He says, light.</p><p>There's a short pause. Clarke takes a moment to enjoy simply hugging Bellamy, to listen to the sound of them both breathing together.</p><p>"We should get some sleep." She suggests eventually.</p><p>"We should." He agrees. "You want me to carry you to the bathroom? Have I tired you out?" He makes it a joke rather than a question about her leg, and she's grateful for it.</p><p>"I'm good." She says, but she doesn't move just yet. She rather likes lying here, and the bathroom will still be there whether she goes in three seconds or three minutes.</p><p>There's simply not so much reason to rush, in her life these days. She knows that it will not always be like that – sooner or later, they will start waking Wonkru, and she will most likely find herself on the council that will run this city. And maybe somewhere along the way, they'll have a baby, and she'll have to run around after the new kid. And that's without even considering her broken leg – sure, she's more or less walking now, but she knows that she has more physical therapy ahead of her and this is just the beginning of the journey back to being able to rush around the place as she used to do. Perhaps this is even the hardest phase of her recovery, as people expect her to be back to normal right away and she's still getting stronger.</p><p>But for now, there are none of those problems, and there is no rush. There is only Bellamy, and joy, and the steady beating of his heart beneath her cheek.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I might take a teeny break from writing to process that episode, but I'm sure I'll be back soon. My next multi-chapter will be "Thicker Than Water" and explores a world where the nightblood test in S4 is successful.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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